


Paragon Raging

by i_dalliance



Series: Paragon Series [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, Extended Galaxy Mod (EGM), F/M, Masturbation, Minor EDI/Jeff "Joker" Moreau, No Shepard Without Vakarian, Paragon Shepard (Mass Effect), Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Smut, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Spacer (Mass Effect), Vanguard (Mass Effect), shepard has adhd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:27:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 67,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24375796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_dalliance/pseuds/i_dalliance
Summary: Since he had met her Garrus put Shepard on pedastal. He thought she was unmoveable, indomitable.At least until her death, it isn't until she returns from the grave could Garrus fall in love with how human she really is.-------------------------------------A mostly loyal retelling of the Mass Effect Trilogy. Enough difference to add it's own flavour to the fic.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: Paragon Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1760011
Comments: 30
Kudos: 115





	1. His First Time

Garrus quietly fiddled with the gears on the Mako, tightening the last piece on there before pulling himself free from the bowels of the car. That almost hum of the elevator greeted him and he rose to wipe his hands free of oil with a stained rag resting on the hood. The sound of armoured feet against the metal of the floor drew near and he tried to hurry up. 

“You have some oil on your face,” Shepard said as she drew near, tapping her upper lip and he did his best to wipe near the turian equivalent. 

“Got it?” he asked, voice tilting up and she just smiled at him before shrugging. 

“Close enough,” she said, a hand twirling around for a moment before her eyes pierced right through him, “You might want to get ready, we'll be heading out soon.”

“You could have radioed,” Garrus grumbled as he put his new armour on, the clasps snapping together in a familiar symphony. 

“I did,” she said, picking some dirt out of the groves of her armour, “Musta not heard it, especially since you were so intimate with the Mako.”

“Well if you hadn't decided to fly off that cliff…” his voice trailed off as Liara exited the elevator.

“Oh okay,” she said as Liara looked between Garrus and Shepard with wide eyes, “I guess smarty pants Vakarian can drive today.”

“What?” he asked as Liara got in, “This is a joke right?”

“Nope,” she said before getting in the back,” I assume you can figure out entry.”

He heard Wrex giving a boisterous laugh behind him and he was certain this was revenge for something. Garrus pulled into the front, quickly snapping in his harness before looking over the controls. Liara tightened hers while looking forward with a worried look on her face. Garrus was suddenly glad of that quick course on the Mako they had when they all joined, his hand awkwardly setting in position to drop onto the planet. 

He looked out to the side to see Ashley raise her thumb with a smile before quickly moving to the back of the cargo bay as the giant door opened. 

“Here we go,” Shepard said from the back as Garrus awkwardly screeched forward before finally. 

That feeling of weightlessness washed over him as the Mako began to fall to the ground, his throat threatening to push upwards with a gentle lull. His hand began to waver, trying to reach forward to activate the lift but the sheer momentum of the fall push him back. 

Then Shepard was there. 

Garrus didn't know how she had wedged herself in the Mako to keep from being thrown back and she just easily reached out to slam down the button. A soft oof came from her as her body pushed into the chair’s side at the sudden shift of direction and he could hardly look over at her, that firm determined look almost overwhelming as they hit the ground harder than intended. 

“Oh thank the Goddess,” Liara gasped in the back, her hands tight against the harness as she used a moment to catch her breath. 

Shepard eased herself up, only the slightest waver in her hand as she opened the door. He could barely hear her checking the outside of the Mako, the slight scrape of metal against metal rumbles around the pair of them. 

“If it helps,” Liara’s voice wavered, “Shepard did the same to Wrex. He flipped it over and Tali cried.”

Garrus found it a bit helpful if not a little insulting.

“Okay!” she was back in, Shepard’s hair mussed as she hoisted herself into the passenger seat.

“Maybe I should…” his hands reached up to unfasten himself but Shepard just waved her hands around casually.

“It’s fine,” she said, “Just go towards the distress beacon on the map here.”

Garrus slowly shifted around before going forward, the Mako immediately lurching forward. Liara squeaked while Shepard eased her chair back to relax. He began to grow more confident, picking up the speed a bit more to suddenly have the entire Mako flip up into the air and land back on the ground.

“I swear that wasn’t me.”

“Yeah the Mako will do that sometimes,” was all Shepard said while Liara recited what Garrus figured were prayers.

The Mako began to come down the hill, the emergency transponder just in sight. Liara began to relax and she gave an almost relieved sigh before saying.

“It seems so calm.”

Shepard’s eyes went wide, something like panic flashed across her face as she whipped her harness off. Before he could ask she had already crawled into the gunner’s seat, his mouth opening just as something burst out of the ground with a bone-chilling scream.

“Go,” Shepard shouted and Garrus immediately slammed on the accelerator, shooting forward just as acid hit where they just were.

Bullets fired into the thresher maw, the giant beast just growing upset at what could only be the equivalent to bug bites. Liara screamed as he swerved the side, dodging another shot from it.

“Fucking shit,” he heard Shepard mumbled behind him, a large boom rumbling through the hull as she shot the cannon.

A hum built up around them as the tank recharged, eezo flaring up in the engine. Garrus could feel the static energy build up under his plates again before it released with the cannon, that loud boom rumbling through the air around them.

Garrus swerved to the side again, seeing the acid flying towards them. Time began to flow weirdly, everything freezing as it hit the back of the Mako before suddenly speeding up as the tank began to flip over.

His body felt light as the engine began to scream, the Mako slowly righting itself up with the force of it’s eezo. Garrus looked over to Shepard, ready to apologize for leading them to their deaths but his words froze in his mouth.

Her eyes were piercing, that same awe-filled look of determination on her face as when they were falling. As the cannon brought itself back into view of the thresher maw she fired the cannon again, Garrus feeling the reverb rather than hearing it this time.

He closed his eyes, smoke beginning to well up out of the console and into his face. He was certain they were going to die, nothing more than a smear in the middle of an eezo based explosion as another hunk of acid hit them.

Instead, he heard a haunting scream, the thresher maw crying out before hitting the ground in a thud that shook the tank.

His eyes only opened when he heard Shepard begin to laugh. It was exhilarating and Garrus couldn’t help but join in, Liara giggling into her hands. Garrus could barely pierce together Shepard’s explanation of managing to hit right in its mouth at the right time. Tears streaked down Shepard's face as she slowly quieted and leaned back in her chair.

She pushed herself up and Shepard’s hand was on his shoulder before giving him a wide smile.

“Your first time ended up being a bit more than I thought it would be,” she said, turning around to open the crate of Omni-gel, “But you did good.”

The three of them quickly set on repairing the Mako, the smoke easing as they patched it up with the gel.

“Okay there, Garrus,” she said, easing him from the driver’s seat, “I can take over now.”

Garrus eased into the other seat, his body suddenly exhausted as the rush oozed out of him. Liara looked out as Shepard drove them past by the thresher maw corpse. Garrus noticing the smoke still rising from its mouth.

They stopped back in front of the transponder before crawling out, their masks on.

“Stay away from the acid,” Shepard said, easing herself around the thresher maws first attack to stop suddenly.

“Damn.”

“I guess that’s Kohaku’s men,” was all Garrus could say, the mangled Alliance officers sprawled across the ground.

“Yeah,” Shepard activated her radio, “Joker, contact the Alliance to have them recover bodies and prep for evac.”

“Aye-aye Commander.’

“Come on,” was all she said, the three of them crawling back into the Mako before Shepard rushed towards the cliff.

The Mako soared through the air, the sound of the rockets going as it lifted into the Normandy’s cargo hold. The thank skidded to a stop before it promptly fell apart, the seats tossing them to the side as the floor dropped on one side.

Garrus groaned as he realized just how much work he’d have to do now and Shepard just kicked the door out. There was a sudden flush of activity, everyone rushing towards the Mako in a mass herd of instinct.

“If you don’t stop asking me what you can do I will absolutely make you clean toilets,” Garrus heard Shepard yell exasperatedly before he was suddenly hit on the back.

His life flashed before his eyes for the second time that day to see Wrex looking at him, almost excited.

“First thresher maw kill,” Garrus had never seen the krogan more alive, “That means ryncol.”

“You know,” Garrus said, “If you make it something that won’t kill me because of DNA, I will take you on that offer.”

Wrex just patted him on the back, throwing the Turian forward again as Garrus suddenly regretted that decision. He quickly undid his armour, putting it in his locker as he very pointedly ignored the mechanics grumbling about the damage. Liara sat to the side, Tali rubbing her back sympathetically as Liara simply put her head in her hands.

* * *

Garrus gave a bit of a grunt, his whole weight pushing into the wrench. He felt it move only a slight bit and he pulled it away, satisfied that he had it tight enough. The other Mako was unrepairable, unceremoniously dumped in an Alliance warehouse on the Citadel before they got a new one.

The workers there were starting to recognize the whole crew and one even started a conversation about the Mako’s suspension while Shepard left to let Kahoku know about his men.

Which is why he was here, trapped under the mesh of undercarriage on his back. His hands were coated in oil, reaching out to test the nut on the next set of wheels.

“So when’s the wedding.”

His hands reached to grab the edge, the board he was laying on wheeled him forward to see Shepard looking down at him.

“I was thinking a summer wedding,” Garrus responded, hand reaching out for his towel and Shepard kicked it towards him, “On the Presidium with the cherry trees, the Mako and I will finally have our love recognized.”

Shepard snorted as Garrus eased himself up, wiping off his hands.

“What brings you down here Commander?”

“You missed dinner,” she said and Garrus became more aware of the growing emptiness in his stomach, “So I brought you some.”

She peered at the rations in her hands before saying, “You have a choice between Palaven’s Fish feast or Fruit and meat mix.”

“The fruit and meat,” he said and she handed him his choice, reading the ingredients on the Fish feast.

“This kinda sounds like wet cat food,” she said, “What’s lalius?”

“A small fish native to Palaven, sort of staple food,” he said, “they’re easy to care for so they became one of our first farming animals, some people even have them as pets.”

“Sounds tasty,” her tone was a bit dry, he couldn’t blame her, “I would try some but it would kill me.”

She lightly threw the other ration to the side, landing on Garrus’ tool bag. Garrus opened his food and began to eat, swallowing too quickly to really taste the odd freeze dried taste.

“So what are you doing to my virgin Mako?”

“I’ve been trying to fix the maneuverability problem,” he said, moving from the dried meat to the fruit, “I obviously can’t fix the engine itself unless I just replaced it but I can probably make the hull move a bit better to compensate it.”

“You drive it once and you decide to fix all of it’s problems?” she smirked at him, “I’ll believe it when I see it, I guess.”

“I think the suspension just needs some tweaking, at least that’s what the worker at the warehouse thought.”

“You always been like this?” she asked, her head tilting a bit, “pulling things apart to put them back together again just better?”

“I started with my father’s omni-tool,” he said, “He left it on the counter and I grabbed it, almost immediately pulling it apart. I panicked then, unsure of how to fix it.”

“What did he do?” she asked, eyes intent on him.

“He told me that I needed to finish what I started. It took me a week but I got it back together again.”

He leaned back, the tire of the Mako pressing against his back before taking another bite of fruit.

“I still remember that moment, when it started back up again. It felt so good to hand that back to my father but he said nothing. He did, however, get me an Engineering kit soon after that.”

“And now you’re here to crash our Mako and then elope with the new one,” she said.

“I didn’t crash it.”

“You didn’t deny the eloping.”

His mandibles went to the side in a wide grin, putting the empty food container to the side.

“No Commander, I guess I didn’t.”

She barked a laugh before getting up, waving goodbye, “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Thanks for the food.”

“Don’t stay up too late,” she said, “We’re going to Noveria tomorrow.”

He shivered almost instinctively before launching himself back under the Mako. He just wanted to look at one more thing, his body filled with motivation again.


	2. Like a Sneeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning Mass Effect 1 to just be three chapters but that doesn't seem to be happening. Maybe five? I'm going to jump forward a bit when it suits the story though, It'll be a mostly loyal to the game's plot just with my own interjections.

Tali looked over to the elevator while mid-reach for her shotgun, hearing the hum of the elevator. Garrus froze as it opened to show Liara there. His hands froze on his sniper rifle, Tali looking just as stressed at the situation.

“Commander,” Liara stared down Shepard who simply looked nonplussed.

“Yes, Liara?”

“I should accompany you on this mission.”

Tali’s hand just hovered there, just above her shotgun as she stood there awkwardly. Garrus was suddenly interested in his omnitool, fingers tapping absentmindedly as he pretended to be calibrating it.

“Why?”

“I am someone who could convince Benezia to surrender,” she said, Garrus wondered if she actually believed it or if she was just grasping at hope, “We should not pass up the opportunity to learn more of Saren’s plans.”

“If that all fails,” Shepard looked up at Liara with a piercing look, “If you cannot convince her, could you kill your mother?”

Liara’s eyes widened in shock, her eyebrows moving as she struggled with Shepard’s question. Then her eyebrows furrowed, something hauntingly determined on her face. Garrus felt something stick in his throat, watching the two women stare each other down.

“If Benezia refuses to listen, then I would have to.”

Shepard’s face softened a bit before giving a nod, “Tali, do you mind staying?”

“Of course,” Tali said, “Good luck.”

Liara walked to her locker and opened it, grabbing her armour and putting it on in silence. Garrus hoisted his weapon onto his back before standing awkwardly, unsure of what to say.

“We’ll meet you at the airlock,” Shepard said, the two of them making their way up the elevator.

“Commander?” Garrus asked, “Do you think she can actually kill her mother?”

“I guess she’ll find out what she’s made of.”

* * *

Anoleis was an ass, Garrus decided as they made their way to the bar. Seconds after meeting Shepard he just immediately ran her over the coals. Judging her as nothing more than a space-born vagabond. However, the second he mentioned Shepard was wasting his time she started slowly talking. Thoroughly questioning him about every detail of Benezia.

Anoleis’ completely frustrated and exasperated face was something he’d treasure for years.

Now they were talking to Lorik Quinn, at Parasini’s suggestion. Despite Shepard’s insertion that she could bludgeon pretty hard, they needed another way into the garage.

“Anoleis’ thugs are tearing up my office looking for my evidence,” Lorik said, “Bring me that evidence and I’ll give you my pass.”

“They’re not just going to let me rummage through your drawers,” Shepard leant back to look at him.

“Violence against Anoleis’ thugs may be necessary.”

“If they’re being paid under the counter, they’re mercenaries,” Shepard said, “I can kill mercenaries.”

“Oh,” Lorik Quinn added, looking up at her, “Do try to keep blood off the carpets.”

They stood in that boring elevator again, Shepard’s fingers tapping on her armour. They all breathed a sigh of relief as it opened, Port Hanshan starting to get on all of their nerves.

“Come on,” Shepard said, “it’s down there, by the garage entrance.”

They moved down, Shepard giving and enthusiastic wave to the turian at the corner to the garage. The turian returning it with the same enthusiasm.

“We gotta talk to that dude when we can,” Shepard start, pushing the button in the elevator, “seems cool.”

The elevator opened to a group of three guards, immediately raising their guns at them.

“Freeze,” the human woman said, her voice shrill.

“What are you guys doing here?” Shepard asked.

“Synthetic Insights is under investigation.”

Shepard just hummed and leaned back, staring them down. The security officer’s gaze didn’t change or flinch.

“Anoleis is paying you to shake this place down, does Captain Matsuo know that you’re here.”

“Anoleis has a problem with Quinn, his money makes that a problem for us.”

“Listen, I met Anoleis,” Shepard said with a disarming smile, “Is he really worth dying over?”

“You’re right,” one of them said, “Anoleis is the one who has varren up his ass about this guy.”

“How about this? I pretend I didn’t see you, you pretend you didn’t see us.”

Shepard gave a nod and the three of them left. There was a second of peace before one of the other guards noticed them, giving the cry ‘I will destroy you’. The three of them quickly picked them off, Garrus sniping anyone coming down the stairs while Liara and Shepard cleared out the bottom area.

They made their way up, picking off a few more before crossing the bridge into Quinn’s office.

“Wow these guys suck at looking,” Shepard quickly unlocked Quinn’s terminal, “like wouldn’t they check the terminal first. Galaxy’s most incompetent dirty cops.”

“They’re not real cops, Shepard,” Garrus said, “they’re just security officers.”

“Did I strike your C-SEC pride?” Shepard teased and he just shook his head, mandibles apart in a turian grin, "Besides all cops suck Garrus, it's a universal thing."

“I got it,” she said, “Let’s get out of here, I want to get moving.”

They crossed back the bridge, Shepard sighing as she saw people standing there.

“Anoleis would throw you off-world for what you did here,” Stirling said, her face disgusted with Shepard, “But I won’t, I’ll show you what we do to cop-killers on my world.”

“You’re here off-duty taking bribe money,” Garrus snapped, “Do you really think you’re justified.”

Stirling snarled, grabbing her weapon. Shepard just sighed in response.

“I don’t need biotics to tear…” Stirling said before being launched in the air, a cold wave of energy radiating from Shepard’s biotics as her fist rose.

“I survived Akuze,” she said, her face almost feral, “Why do you think a shitty rent-a-cop could kill me?”

Her fist swerved down and Stirling’s body went with it. A sickening multiple cracks filled the room as her legs shattered under the force. The other security forces panicked, shooting blindly while Stirling gave a howl of pain.

Garrus could never get over how Shepard flowed on the battlefield like a switch turned on inside of her and she was just hyper-aware of everything at once. Shepard whipped her gun up and pointed it behind him, Garrus instinctively turning around to look. The merc/cop’s head trying to flank them exploded, Garrus turning back to aim his sniper rifle at another enemy and shooting.

Liara reaved a salarian as they made their way back down the stairs, the remaining enemies starting to group up. Their defensive position mattered very little as Shepard slung a singularity in the middle of them, Garrus quickly sniping them while his gun rang out with a loud booming noise.

“Come on,” Shepard said, “We should let Captain Matsuo know.”

“Commander,” Garrus asked, “Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah, seems rude,” she said, “Besides Stirling’s still alive so someone’s gotta fire her.”

The ride down was painfully silent, that usual terrible music gone. This entire port was bland and utilitarian, any art in here was the same. Everything stripped of individuality and heart.

He wanted nothing more to leave.

The door opened to show Parasini there, Shepard just giving a lazy smile as she walked out.

“There have been noise complaints about the Synthetic Insights office,” she said.

“Must be Anoleis’ thugs ripping the place up.”

“Smartass huh? I can work with that,” Parasini said, “Talk to me before you talk to Quinn, I have a proposition for you.”

“Sure,” Shepard shrugged, “Stirling’s gonna need medical attention, she fell down the stairs.”

“Done,” was all Parasini said before walking away.

“As a Spectre, there really isn’t much they can do,” Garrus said, “You didn’t need to lie.”

“Yeah I guess,” she said, “Gut reaction.”

“Besides,” Liara added, “She is on the area top of the stairs.”

Shepard laughed, echoing through the hallway as they made their way up the stairs.

They walked out into the large main hall, Shepard turning left to the entrance instead of towards the bar where Lorik was. They made their way by the security office, right to the bay where the Normandy was docked.

“Commander Shepard, if you have a moment,” Matsuo said, “I just got word that Stirling’s in the med-bay, she’s still unconscious but I was hoping you could fill in the details.”

“She and a group of your security force were being paid to shake down Synthetic Insights,” Shepard said, “You might want to clean out your force.”

“Thank you for your honest,” she said, “I had a feeling it wasn’t so cut and dry. This is why I tell my people not to take bribes.”

“Have a good day,” Shepard said, “I have work to do.”

* * *

Despite seeing Anoleis’ being dragged from his office in cuffs this day was quickly turning to shit. Garrus sniping another rachni as both Shepard and Liara threw out biotics at Han Olar’s suggestion.

“This is fucking nuts,” Shepard wheezed, sweat pouring down her face at the exhaustion of using biotics.

“I need a moment,” Liara was just as winded.

Shepard opened up her pack, a small bottle in there. She quickly chugged it down, putting the empty bottle back in there. She looked up to see Garrus looking at her before saying.

“It’s bad to litter Garrus.”

Garrus laughed, unsure if she was serious. Garrus turned around to keep an eye on the perimeter while the two biotics recovered. He didn’t want to be overwhelmed right as they were at their weakest.

“Okay,” Shepard said, “Let’s get going, I think we’re near the hot labs.”

The kept moving through the maintenance shaft, moving through doors until they finally opened up into a large area.

Benezia stood there, at least someone who Garrus assumed was Benezia. The asari stood there, a clear matriarch in pose and appearance.

“You do not know the privilege of being a mother. The power in creation, to shape a life. To turn it towards happiness or despair.”

“Her children were ours, raised to hunt and kill Saren’s enemies,” her eyes moved to the side and Garrus followed her gaze, noticing the queen in the tank.

“I will not be swayed, no matter who you bring into this confrontation.”

Shepard just glared at Benezia, eyes narrowing as she leant back. Garrus kept his rifle out, ready to shoot when Benezia refused to listen to reason.

“I am here because I want to be,” Liara said, pain and resolve passed her face.

“Is that true? What did you tell them Liara?”

“What could I say, mother?” Liara’s voice was desperate, “That you’re insane? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you?”

“Have you faced a commando unit before? Few humans have.”

“I can’t believe you’d kill your own daughter,” disgust filled Shepard and Garrus, Benezia was truly beyond redemption now in their eyes.

“I see now I should have been stricter with her,” Benezia said, her body glowing blue as her biotics flared, freezing the three of them.

Commandos and Geth poured in, the three of them quickly moving out and killing them. Garrus whittled down the Geth’s shields before they focused fire on them. They kept their heads low, watching out for the biotics flying everywhere while Shepard and Liara kept up their own barrage of biotics. With each wave, Benezia grew weaker with her own biotics wearing her down.

Then it was done, commandos and geth dead with Benzia grasping the console in exhaustion.

“No,” Benezia practically screamed, “Saren is unstoppable, my mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear.”

“The Rachni clearly don’t think so,” Shepard said, “Why should I?”

“I will not…” Benezia leaned over, grasping her head as she gave a moan of pain.

Something changed in her, her pose and her entire demeanour changed. Liara suddenly relaxed, Garrus wondered if this was more like the mother who raised her.

Garrus couldn’t help but feel haunted as Benezia explained indoctrination. Like there was another detail just there, hidden from sight but plainly obvious once they got there. It was clear they were starting to get over their heads, Benezia made it sound like Saren was raising his own cult.

Then that clarity, that sharpness was gone. Smothered by something wiping over her mind and pushing her to turn around with her lip curling with hatred in disgust before saying.

“Die.”

Then Benezia was dead, unceremoniously as she slumped against the glass of the tank.

“No light? They always said there’d be a…”

With that she was gone, Shepard reaching over to rub Liara’s shoulder as tears streamed freely from the asari.

“Commander,” his voice was soft, not wanting to break Liara’s grief but this was important, “about the Rachni…”

Then suddenly a dying asari lurched forward, staring at them with a strenuous look on her face. Her body shuddered, almost unnaturally as she stood there.

“We cannot speak,” the asari said, Garrus swearing he could hear whispers behind it, “Not in these low spaces. She has names for colors we cannot see, her song is ending.”

“It is beautiful.”

“What?”

“We are what you call rachni,” the asari said, Garrus freezing with an instinctual fear of something he came to associate as a boogie man in front of him, “We communicate with plucking of thought, she is weak to urging.”

“Commander,” Garrus’ voice was more urgent this time, “Those tanks are filled with acid, they wouldn’t have installed them unless they thought they’d need them.”

“No,” Liara interjected, her voice still hoarse with grief, “The council let the krogan go too far, this is a chance to atone.”

“Your companions see the truth,” the Rachin/asari said, “What will you sing? Will you give us a chance to compose again or subject us to the silence of annihilation?”

“Why did the Rachni attack?”

“We…” it seemed pained for a moment before starting again, “I do not know what happened in the war. A noise came from dark space, forcing all to resonate with its sour yellow note. We only remember mother crying out in our egg, the singing planet turned silent.”

“What would you do if I released you?” Shepard asked and Garrus looked at her in a panic, she couldn’t seriously be thinking about it.

“We would retreat behind the relay, teach our song to our children,” the queen said, “We have no interest in returning to a war that destroyed us.”

Garrus looked at Shepard, his heart in his throat. A part of him wanted to believe the queen but he just couldn’t. Too many stories as a child about the rachni, intended to terrify him into going to bed on time or eating all of his dinner.

It seemed Shepard didn’t have the same experience.

“I won’t kill your entire species,” She finally said, “I will set you free.”

“We will sing of your mercy to our children,” the rachni said, the hum of hydraulics as the tank raised and opened into a tunnel.

The asari dropped to the ground dead, the Rachni queen quickly disappearing into the cold mountain.

“Wrex won’t be happy with you,” was all Garrus said.

“Wrex can suck my nuts off,” Shepard exclaimed, “I didn’t come here to genocide.”

* * *

“I’m so tired,” Shepard moaned, Liara faintly snoring next to her as she quickly passed out in the tram back to the port, “My brain hurts.”

“Commander,” Garrus said and Shepard looked at him, “What do biotics feel like?”

“Like this force of energy, just bubbling under your skin. Up until you let it go, then you’re just empty. Like after a good sneeze.”

“Then your brain hurts when you use too much.”

He just gave a noise of acknowledgement before she suddenly whipped her head up, excitement on her face.

“That turian next to the garage,” she said suddenly, “We gotta talk to him before we go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of these days's I'll finally change the summary to something that doesn't suck.


	3. Ilos(t) it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I didn't do the conversations but I don't want it to feel like a stilted version of the game. There's gotta be a sense of something new here.

He was disgusted, his usually unshakeable stomach starting to turn as abomination rushed at him with a noise he associated with the Geth husks. Rotten flesh hit his armour as he shot another one, the three of them making their way through the crates.

“Keelah,” Tali moaned, “I don’t think standard disinfection will be enough.”

“At least you can turn off your olfactory sensors,” Shepard said, “it smells as bad as it looks.”

“Commander,” his voice was tense, his body firm with unease and anticipation.

“Let’s keep going,” Shepard said, “The life sign is coming from a room just ahead.”

His hands were tense on his guns, Shepard opening the door to look around with her gun raised. Seeing nothing she went to the room to the side, opening the door to show a salarian there.

“That’s him, Commander,” Garrus suddenly interjected, “That’s Doctor Saleon.”

“No it’s Heart,” he insisted, “Doctor Heart.”

“Garrus,” Shepard looked at him, seeing the way his mandibles moved from being tight to his cheek to slowly flapping back to being tight again, “You sure?”

“Yes, I’d love to harvest your organs doctor but we don’t have the time.”

“I’m Doctor Heart!” he insisted, “Don’t let him do this.”

“We’ll take him in, hand him into the authorities.”

“But we have him,” he said, “What if he escapes or they mess this up.”

“If he dies then we have no idea what he’s been up to,” she carefully said, keeping an eye on him “If we take him in we can interrogate him.”

“I… hmmm,” he looked pained for a moment before glaring at Saleon, “You’re a lucky salarian, you owe the Commander your life.”

“Oh thank you so much,” his voice was just seeping in sarcasm before raising his gun to fire at the three of them.

Garrus instinctively raised his gun, firing a shot. Saleon crumpled to the ground dead. It was suddenly quiet, Garrus hoisting his gun onto his back.

“So he dies anyway,” he finally says, “What was the point of that?”

“You can’t control how other’s react, all you can do is decide the choices you’ll make,” Shepard said, “At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.”

“I…” Garrus said, suddenly going quiet, “You know? I’ve never met anyone like you, Commander.”

A part of him hoped it was just him, who Shepard was going out of her way for. But as Shepard went out of his way for Wrex -his face tender in a way he’d never seen on a Krogan with his family’s armour back in his possession - and Tali who Shepard gave classified data and a copy of the Quarian opera for her pilgrimage.

He didn’t know if he felt a bit disappointed if that was just what Shepard did for others or proud that he was one of the people that Shepard cared about.

It seemed like a dream, Garrus so happy as they explored vast worlds while scavenging up various artifacts. Even as Shepard faced her own past, pleading with Toombs to lower his gun was he happy to covering her six.

Until Virmire.

* * *

It was hot and heavy with moisture, the sound of waves crashing against the rock just out of sight of the salarian base. Everyone besides Garrus was slowly getting irritated, stray wisps of hair slipping from Ashley’s tight bun as she struggled to keep it from curling in the humidity.

“I hate it here,” Shepard grumbled.

“It reminds me of Palaven,” Garrus said, his voice a little too perky for the Commander.

“Good for you,” she grumbled and he gave her a wide turian smile, mandibles flaring out to the side.

She talked Wrex down, due in no part as the Krogan’s growing friendship for the human who listened and helped him how she could.

Even then it was tense, Ashley and Garrus sharing a warning look as Wrex hoisted his shotgun against Shepard.

Then they were off, wading through the water as they slowly whittled down the Geth’s defences. Shooting down flyers he was starting to get a good feeling about this mission, everything was going in their favour, the salarians pushing harder and stronger with Shepard’s help behind the scenes.

“Go get Ash,” Kaidan said, “I need time setting up the bomb anyway.”

“Okay,” she gestured for Garrus and Liara to follow her.

That loud echoing boom came from his gun as they pushed forward, sniping one of those awful geth that had to bounce from one end of the room to the other. As they trailed to the ground defunct, Garrus moved his attention towards the krogan that were pushing forward.

They entered the elevator, hearing it hum as they moved up. It was painfully quiet, Shepard shifting awkwardly. It finally opened and they pushed up the stairs until everything shook as Geth dropships flew over them.

“Kaidan,” Shepard’s hand went to her comm, “Geth dropship heading your way.”

“They’re already here,” his voice was panicked, gunshots echoing through the comm, “I’m arming the bomb.”

“Whoa,” Shepard said, “Hold on there.”

“I’m just making sure this bomb goes off no matter what.”

“There, now go get Ash and get out of here.”

Garrus watched Shepard’s face, watching her face shift as she moved towards the ledge to stare out. After a quick moment, pain crossing her face, she reached up to activate her comm again.

“Kaidan, tell the Normandy to rendezvous at the bomb site,” she said, “Ash, I’m sorry.”

“I had to make a choice.”

“I have no regrets Commander.”

* * *

It was painfully silent on the Normandy.

Garrus couldn’t look to the side of the cargo bay. There was a painful emptiness where Ashley had usually stood. He hadn’t liked Ashley. She was always curt with him and the other non-human crew on the ship so he could only assume that feeling was shared.

But he respected her.

She fought to protect salarian lives, Garrus was confused as Salarians poured into the rendezvous point until he realised she had sent them to the Normandy while she stayed behind to buy them time. It seemed impossible to imagine that she’d die without fanfare, left behind to die in an explosion.

Spirits, he could only imagine what Shepard was going through.

They’d returned to the Citadel still grieving to have the Normandy locked. Garrus lost faith in the council that day as they refused to do anything more than hide in the Citadel.

“Commander,” he said, watching her slump against the lockers, “Is there nothing we can do? Surely we can petition…”

“Petition who?” she said, Garrus feeling distraught that she looked so defeated, “The Council has already made up their mind and with Udina supporting them there’s no way the Alliance would go against both.”

He held a hand out, Shepard wrapping his fingers around his in a way that fascinated him as he hoisted her up.

“There has to be something,” he insisted, trying to ignore that she kept her hand in his.

He could swear he could feel the heat of her skin under his gloves. He wasn’t sure why he felt so heavy, memories flashing back to his first time driving the Mako a few months ago where she had become so concrete in his mind.

“Commander,” Joker’s voice rang through and she took her hand away, Garrus feeling a sudden loss, “Captain Anderson wants to see you in that club in the wards, Flux?”

“Thanks, Joker,” and suddenly that fire that he so strongly associated with Shepard was back.

“Let’s go Garrus,” she said, “I have a feeling we found that something.”

They waited in those elevators, so damned slow, Garrus still feeling the phantom feeling of her grip against his. It had begun to fade as they all crowded around a table in the cafeteria, playing a very shitty game of poker.

Kaidan had declined, a disappointed look on his face.

“Don’t mind him,” Wrex finally said with his small fortress of crackers that they were using for chips, “He got his quads together only to never get the chance.”

“Sure,” Shepard took a swig of water, glaring at Wrex, “I just want to know when you got so good at poker.”

“Beginners luck,” Wrex said, deftly shuffling the cards in a way that disproved what he just said.

He quickly sorted the cards out slipping on the table to each of them. Tali was winning second, Garrus certain that Wrex had tipped the scales in an odd sense of favouritism.

It would explain why he was completely out of crackers.

“We’re in sight of the Mu Relay,” Joker’s voice rang through the cafeteria.

“I’ll figure out how you’re cheating later,” Shepard said, “Garrus and Liara, suit up.”

“Shepard you wound me,” Wrex rumbled with laughter.

* * *

Ilos was haunting.

He was certain he’d have nightmares of this place. It was nothing more than the crumbling ruins of a mass grave. That it was filled with Geth didn’t help. Shepard was quieter than usual, the realisation of how heavy the air would be was dampening her spirits as well.

“Goddess,” Liara said, her eyes wide and her voice perky, “To finally see a statue of protheans, I would have never imagined them like this.”

Liara was enthused to be here.

Garrus didn’t know how she couldn’t feel it, something was wrong here. It was like a bad wound but even older.

“We have to move Liara,” Shepard said, herding them back to the Mako, “We don’t have a lot of time.”

“Of course,” she said, following them into the tank before setting off.

He was barely paying attention while they discussed the tubes in the wall. It just added to the unease, knowing that despite everything they couldn’t win against the extinction of their entire species.

With Vigil telling them of the extinction facing the rest of them it only hit harder.

Shepard’s eyebrows furrowed, becoming more determined as she raced through the tight corridors of the building. She didn’t even stop to fight the geth, their bodies flying as they got hit with the tank. They drove into a clearing with the conduit at the end.

His breath caught in his breath at the sight before shaking that away.

“We don’t have time to admire the view,” Garrus said, chiding himself, “We need to get to the conduit and those geth won’t make it easy on us.”

“Hold onto your seats,” she gave a feral grin before slamming on the accelerator.

Momentum pushed them forward as they shot forward, the Mako giving a scream as she pushed the tank to its limits. Colossi fired at them while they bounced their way up to the conduit, suddenly weightless as they shot through the small mass relay.

* * *

He felt sick to his stomach, his mind refusing to let go of the image of Sovereigns leg flying right at them. Shepard had gestured for them to leave, their bodies rushing away on instinct. Garrus shifted slightly next to Liara, the asari looking dazed as some rubble hit her head before cradling them.

He gave a hiss as he moved with a sharp pain moving through it. He was certain he cracked a plate on his chest, his mind jumping from here to the regret that he couldn’t help Shepard.

He should have done something.

Anything.

The rubble shifted and he heard voices, light peaking through the cracks. He could see the rest of the tower before Captain Anderson pushed himself in to help pull them out.

“It’s going to be alright,” Anderson said and Garrus almost wanted to believe it, “Where’s Shepard.”

They just both looked distraught, refusing to meet his gaze. They both slowly eased out as human crisis response helped them forward until something made Garrus stop.

A distinct sound, of boots against metal.

They all turned to look, noticing her head popping into sight until the rest of her did. Shepard easing her way down, cradling an arm while she gave them all a cocky grin. That determined look radiated from her and he never knew a human could look so beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was kinda debating whether to start romance here but I want them to pine for a good while so I think I'll add a little romance.


	4. I Died Without You

He gave a groan, face pressed against the cool counter of Flux. His head was swimming and he was certain he reeked of alcohol already.

“Spirits save me,” Garrus grumbled, hand still wrapped around his fifth glass of Turian brandy.

“Can’t handle your liquor turian?” Wrex teased him and Garrus pushed himself up.

“I thought it was only supposed to be a drink,” Garrus quickly finished his glass, his body drooping against the chair.

“That was six thresher maws ago,” Wrex quickly finished another shot of ryncol, “We’re catching up.”

“I don’t know if I can handle two more,” Garrus slurred, the room had started to sway around drink four, “Why did you go with whiskey?”

“Because you wouldn’t drink ryncol.”

“Here you are,” Shepard said, leaning against the counter, “Having fun?”

“C…comman…” Garrus struggled and Shepard raised an eyebrow at him, “Commannnnn…”

“I think he’s out,” Shepard said and Wrex laughed, “You might have to take a rain check for this.”

“I don’t know what that means but I’ll force him to drink the last two another time,” Wrex said, signalling for a bottle now, “Take the lightweight back Shepard, I gotta finish up here.”

“Have fun drinking Wrex,” Shepard said while slipping an arm around Garrus’ large torso, “Don’t cause property damage, if you do don’t get caught.”

Garrus groaned, Shepard leading them both out. His hand awkwardly grasped at her back as she tried to shift his body to settle on hers without feeling like she was about to drop him. It didn’t help that he would twist around to look at her with heat radiating from his body like a furnace.

“’Mander,” he finally decided on, Commander just a little too hard for him, “Where we going?”

“Back to the Normandy,” she said, “you’re drunk.”

They stood there for a few minutes, waiting for the taxi. Garrus managed to get his head pressed against her neck and watched fascinated as her skin raised tiny bumps with each breath. The taxi finally arrived, the door opening automatically.

“C’mon Garrus,” she said, Garrus giving a slight whine as she lowered him into one of the seats, “We gotta go.”

He thought maybe she’d leave him here, going back to the party that was to celebrate their victory over Sovereign and Saren. But she got in the car with him and he felt embarrassed as he gave a pleased noise.

Maybe one day he’d think more about why Shepard just being there made him happy but in his drunken state, he decided to just enjoy it.

* * *

He gave a pleased hum, finishing up his paperwork for the day. While there was still paperwork he was starting to feel he was doing something. There was no shortage of work with organizing work crews to trying to keep organized crime from taking a hold in the chaos.

He missed Shepard as she tracked down geth in the Terminus systems, a part of him wanted to drop everything and join her.

But there was a part of him wanted to carve his own way in the galaxy.

He gave a quick look to the picture on his desk, Garrus among the crew of the Normandy. Shepard had insisted on it, wanting a picture to commemorate defeating Saren and giving the leaving crew members something to remember their time on the Normandy by.

Shepard had perched herself on the Mako, sitting right between Garrus and Wrex. She had insisted she was the only one who could sit on it.

‘The Mako is leased in my name, I can sit my ass on it whenever I want.’

He only wished Ashley could have been in it.

He pushed himself up and made his way through the academy. There was an odd silence over the base, something anxious building up inside of him.

“Vakarian,” a recruit grabbed his arm and turned him to the nearest screen, “You need to see this.”

It took him a few moments to realise that it was the Normandy there, burning up in fuzzy footage. That anxiety grabbed his stomach, feeling like he’d just lost a home. Then photos appeared, Garrus realising that it was casualties. He recognized a few, seeing them working on navigations or just general maintenance.

Spirits, that was Pressly.

Then he felt all the air leave him, Shepard’s Alliance photo staring out at him.

“Commander Shepard, first Human Spectre, confirmed killed in action,” the asari news reporter said, “Suit readings picked up by the black box show loss of atmosphere…”

“... Pilot Jeff Moreau confirms…”

He had to go.

He took a step back, suddenly aware of the looks of sympathy at him.

He turned away, quickly almost running by people. He barely recognized the scenery change as he was suddenly in front of his apartment, Anderson was waiting for him.

His mandibles were tight by the side of his face, waiting for the ball to drop.

“It seems you know.”

Garrus liked Anderson, Shepard had a fondness for the man she saw as a pseudo father figure. But he would rather see anyone else.

“Yes,” that’s all Garrus could trust himself to say, grief building up inside of him next to the denial of they didn’t know Shepard.

“The funeral is in a few days,” he said, “I secured invitations for the entire crew.”

“I’m sure they didn’t want a turian coming.”

“Wrex was harder,” he said, “But you’re right, I fought for you all to come. You’re her crew.”

Garrus was silent, his face burning with emotions. Anderson slumped forward a bit, suddenly looking exhausted.

That shocked Garrus from his silence, he wasn’t the only one grieving.

“It’s customary to wear black,” Anderson said, a hand on his shoulder, “I’d like to see you there.”

Then he was alone again, taking a moment to compose himself before stepping inside. The second the door closed behind him he collapsed on the ground, keening loudly. Fingers rested on his crest as he curled up to try and fill the growing pain inside of him.

* * *

Her funeral was heart-wrenching. A part of him kept up the denial of her death until he saw her empty coffin. Then it hit him all at once. He felt empty like the universe had reached inside of him and ripped something essential from deep inside of him.

He hit the bar almost immediately, looking to order the strongest drink he could when two glasses of Turian whiskey were put in front of him.

“On me,” Wrex said, settling down next to him and a giant bottle of ryncol was put in front of him, “You didn’t finish our shots.”

He didn’t speak before swallowing some of the whiskey. It burned beautifully at the back of his throat while keeping away the ache that was building up inside of him since Shepard’s death.

“I’m going back to Tuchanka,” Wrex finally said, “Someone has to force them in line.”

A few months ago that would have filled him with terror, Krogan banding together was something that the galaxy was taught to fear from birth. But this was his friend and Shepard’s actions showed that his preconceptions were wrong.

“Good luck,” Garrus said, his voice completely honest.

“Korbal.”

Garrus took a large swig while Wrex downed a third of the bottle. He enjoyed the burn deep in his throat, his mind on something else than Shepard for half a second.

* * *

He started dreaming of her.

His better dreams were the two of them by the Mako, Shepard teasing him with that look on her face that never stopped to make his stomach squeeze uncomfortably. Sometimes he’d sit there, just watching her walk to everyone on the floor and talk to them.

He’d only wake up with a deep ache in his body.

His worst was him on the Normandy during the attack, forced to watch her suffocating in space. Or everything would be fine until he tried to reach her, her body disappearing under his grip before everything around him turned to fire and death.

He woke up with his heart in his throat, painful noises latched in his thick throat. His eyes slowly adjusted to the light on his arm, realising that he fell asleep with his omni-tool on that group picture of the Normandy’s crew.

He looked intently at Shepard before closing the photo, typing up a resignation letter to C-SEC and sending it before getting up. He walked around his apartment in a daze while shoving things into a bag. There was no reason for it at first, just clothes and a few sentimental items before taking a deep breath and thinking it through.

An idea formed in his mind, dismantling his home security and packing those as well as any tools that he’d need.

He quickly pulled on his Colossus armour that Shepard got him, packing up his C-SEC official armour before paying a courier to drop it off.

He was just out the door - giving his fourteen-day notice to his landlord - when his father called.

Of course, he’d noticed, Garrus assumed that there was a standard procedure to run to his father every time he threatened to quit.

To his credit, Castis did not beat around the bush.

“You’re making a mistake.”

“No, I’m not,” Garrus’ voice was firm, he’d only ever been so certain when he was with Shepard.

“I can’t keep pulling strings to keep you in C-SEC,” Castis just confirmed what Garrus had always suspected, “You leave today, they won’t let you come back.”

“Okay,” was all Garrus said, turning off his omni-tool before grabbing his bag and leaving.

* * *

Spirits, Omega was a shithole.

He could already feel weighed down with the pure debauchery and cruelness in the surroundings around him. It took all of five seconds to stumble into a mugging, vorcha hissing and snarling at an elderly human couple.

“Money now.”

He didn’t even think before he grasped the vorcha’s hand, feeling bones shatter under his grip to immediately start healing them back together.

“Drop this or lose an arm,” his voice was gruff, having barely slept the last twelve hours of travel.

“I kill you,” the vorcha hissed and Garrus wrenched the gun out of their hand.

He kneed the vorcha in the leg and quickly shot the vorcha in the head before turning to the couple. They gave a squeak of fear, holding their hands in their air and he couldn’t help but feel disgusted that their instinct that he wasn’t there to help but rather steal the opportunity to mug from someone else.

“I’m not here for that,” he said and the woman suddenly relaxed, “are you alright?”

“Yes,” their relief was palpable, both of them crying a little before the woman finally said.

“You’re a real-life angel.”

That rumbled around in his head as he went to Afterlife, determined to get his head to the ground a little. The bass of the music rumbled through him as he slowly sipped at his drink -albeit before testing for poison.

“I saw what you did,” a turian sat down next to him, gesturing for a drink.

“You going to do anything about it?”

“No, I agree,” the other turian admitted, a drink put in front of him, “there’s a lot of filth on this station.”

“Someone should do something about that,” Garrus off-handedly mentioned, watching the other turian for his expression.

“Do you want to?”

“I wouldn’t know where to start,” Garrus admitted, a part of him came here to bring justice but he was a little overwhelmed once he arrived.

“I do,” he said, “Want to team up?”

Garrus peered at him, eyes down his body. A part of him was suspect, someone immediately finding him as soon as he arrived. He wondered if he’d lead him to an alley before the Blue Suns murdered him.

But there was an earnest feeling coming from this turian, real disgust that injustice could thrive like this.

“Sure,” he finally said and the Turian looked at him, mandibles pushing to the side in a grin.

“Name’s Sidonis,” he said, holding a hand out.

Garrus took it, grasping his arm in a turian grasp of greeting.

“Garrus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My next chapter might be a bit late, I got school stuff to do.


	5. Archangels Rise and Fall

The butt of his rifle pressed into his shoulder, peering down the scope of his rifle. His breath threatened to catch in his chest, forcing himself to breath despite the anticipation that rumbled through his body.

A batarian wearing Blue Suns' uniform walked into his view and his mandibles began to twitch on the side of his face.

"That's one of the Blue Suns lieutenants there," Sidonis' voice cracked into Garrus' comm.

"There we go," Garrus felt something resembling joy as the caravan lined up right over the microfilaments that he lined the road with.

The front of the tank flipped up with the force of the explosion. Everyone began to shout as smoke began to build from under the hood, billowing up into the red Omega skyline while crates fell to the ground.

Mercs began slapping their helmets on but not fast enough for all of them, Garrus noticed. One of the mercs next to the crates heart began to race, swaying slightly as the red sand poured into their system.

He swung his scope back to the lieutenant just as someone ran behind him to try and save as much red sand as he could. A loud crack filled the air as Garrus shot, hitting through the two people. A heart-rate behind them suddenly peaked and stopped and the three of them dropped to the ground dead.

“Three with one bullet,” Sidonis said, Garrus feeling awe in the other turian.

* * *

“You Archangel?” a salarian asked, Garrus immediately bristling with suspicion.

They just stared at each other for a moment as Garrus wondered who Archangel was before the salaran continued, “Your job with the caravan, smart, but should’ve been louder. More of a statement.”

“I used what I had.”

“Ah, as it usually is,” the salarian chattered, “But you could have more.”

“You offering something.”

“My help,” he said, “I’m an explosives expert.”

Garrus looked at him, his mind racing. He could use an explosives expert. Garrus looked at the salarian for a moment before asking.

“Why?”

“They’re scum. Seems less morally ambiguous than my last job.”

“Fair enough,” he shrugged, “Your name or what you want to go by.”

“Sensat.”

* * *

It was the Normandy again. The familiar thrum of the ship surrounding him. He a moment of peace, something pushing at the back of his mind.

 _This is a dream_ , it finally broke through, _the Normandy - Shepard - is gone_.

Deep sorrow and longing washed over him and he desperately wanted to believe that it was real. He wanted to be back at that time, he’d never been so fucking happy as he had been on the Normandy. He wanted to fix whatever damages the Mako had incurred until Shepard came to tease him.

Or…

The elevator opened and he both yearned and despaired overlooking up at who it was. Footsteps came towards him and he couldn’t help it, his heart in his chest as he saw Shepard again.

As he had every time he had fallen asleep enough for dreams.

She never spoke, just an awkward stare. He used to beg, pleading for her to say a word so he could live in the fantasy of her being alive just a little bit longer but now he had resigned to never hearing her again.

At least he knew he would see her.

* * *

“Selkeet Shiriron,” Butler said, leaning forward, “Gang enforcer, usually on Omega he ‘takes care’ of those who can’t afford protection fees as a warning to others. Off-world he assassinates political enemies that try to hinder the Eclipse’s growth.”

“Turian advisor Caius Fedorian?” Garrus read, “Human General James Bryant? These are cold cases, how’d you figure it was Selkeet.”

“Transfers into his account or his alias’ accounts days or at most a week before their deaths,” Butler said, “as well Sidonis confirmed Eclipse ship movements at the time of death as well but I will admit it wouldn’t hold up in court.”

“It’s more than C-SEC had,” Garrus mumbled.

“C-SEC doesn’t know some of the common Eclipse accounts,” Butler said, “like I said, inadmissible in most courts.”

Butler began to twirl the wedding band on his finger, a nervous tic the accountant had. He’d been doing it when he just showed up at the apartment they were using as a base of operations. As soon as they all raised their guns in the air did he let go to shoot his hands up and squeak out.

‘I’m an accountant.”

He laundered money for gangs to spend off-world, while Omega didn’t have systems in place but if they had tried to spend their money without falsifying something on most other world’s a VI would send law enforcement on them with their first payment.

That’s how he had found them, just followed the money until he found the lease payments for the apartment they were in.

Garrus was impressed, it took only a few words into Butler’s awkward speech about seeking redemption and adventure that he took him into the group.

His first job was finding them a new place that wasn’t so easily found.

“Sloppy,” Sensat hummed, looking at the datapad, “It’d be enough for STG. Or Spectre. Salarian should know better.”

“Perfect for us,” Sidonis said, “He thinks he’s unstoppable, let’s prove he isn’t.”

“Let’s lure him out,” Garrus said, a sense of excitement building up within the group.

* * *

Something was satisfying about killing Selkeet, watching the salarian go down and knowing that his co-workers could do nothing to catch him Garrus was the one to do it.

Hot-shot Garrus, who was always in the executor’s office to be scolded, got infamous gang enforcer Selkeet.

That pride only grew as he caught more that he could do nothing about on the Citadel. From slavers to red sand dealers he was cleaning the galaxy of it’s worst scum.

His group was growing, from a batarian tech specialist (Erash) to an ex Eclipse merc (Mieren) to an old Noveria ERCS Leuitenant tired of working corporate (Monteague) he had amassed a group that left the gangs of Omega working in fear.

There was a general feeling of celebration at the safehouse, having finally tracked down the serial killer Zel’Aenik nar Helash. Garrus had smashed in the quarian’s faceplate before coughing, leaving him to suffer the same way he left his victims.

He slipped away from the party, making his way to a set of coordinates that Sidonis had passed onto him. He’d asked for Garrus alone, saying that the rest of the crew needed a bit of time to recuperate from their last assignment.

A bad feeling began to grow inside of him as he arrived, no one there. He tried calling Sidonis but the call never picked up, just ringing in the background as he made his way back.

The sound of guns grew as he drew near, his heart thudding painfully as he opened the door.

Spirits, the smell of blood was oppressive.

It pushed down on his chest and clogged up his noise. He held back the urge to vomit as he walked past corpses that were so alive just an hour ago. His feet just carried him forward, sorrow filling the turian as he pushed past his crew dead.

He heard gurgling and he turned to the side, Butler looking at him all while his chest was shredded by automatic weapon fire. Garrus was by his side, desperately trying to find any medigel to help. Butler just reached up and grasped his armour, a bloody handprint trailing down as Butler’s eyes grew dim with death.

His mandibles tightened as he quickly covered their bodies, knowing he didn’t have much time. As the proximity sensor in the basement rang he simply detonated the explosives he installed there.

There was nothing left to do but make the bastards pay as much as he could.

* * *

T here was a lull and Garrus felt himself slipping into sleep. The only reason he let himself drift of was that some of his proximity sensors near the bridge were still working and there was only so long he could stay away with stims.

As always he was on the Normandy, staring at the mangled husk of the Mako after his own attempt to drive it. Those damned footsteps came again and he felt his fist clench all while barely aware of it.

He suddenly felt anger, pushing himself away from the Mako to roar in Shepard’s face.

“What do you want from me?” his body bristled, as if something just possessed him, “Why are you haunting me?!”

There was no response, he wasn’t even expecting one.

“Is this punishment for not being there?! For not being able to help you?”

Shepard just gave him a soft smile, one he knew very well before the sound of beeping filled the dream. Despair filled him, coating the back of his throat like something thick while everything melted away from him. He couldn’t help the grief in his voice as he pleaded.

“Please don’t leave me.”

He forced himself back at his perch, shooting the mercs that set off his proximity sensors. He settled into the routine of killing mercs, growing more apathetic with each shot. It wasn’t until he looked to the side and noticed that he running low on thermal clips, estimating that it’d be his last day.

Regret filled him as he thought about his family for the first time since he left for Omega. He suddenly wished he wasn’t such a fool, spending the last two years with his mother before she passed away. He couldn’t stop thinking about his father, their arguments.

He wanted to die with one less regret he thought while he aimed again.

With one more merc dead he absent-mindedly called his father, hardly expecting the turian to pick up after so much time.

“Garrus?” he nearly dropped his gun as Castis Vakarian’s voice rang out.

“Yeah,” he rasped out as bullets rang out around them, Garrus taking aim and finishing three more off with what was left of this thermal clip.

“You doing okay?”

“Just target practice,” he lied, knowing his father probably didn’t believe that.

He could hear his father thinking, visualizing the face he had when he was worried but didn’t want his kids to know, “Just remember to breathe, don’t let it freeze you up.”

“I will.”

He slammed another heat sink in, shooting Eclipse mechs that he could see past the barricade.

“I just wanted to say,” his voice was thick, exhaustion and hopelessness catching in his throat, “I’m sorry dad. I know you just wanted us to be strong.”

“Garrus.”

“I’m sorry it took this long to realize that.”

“Forget about that Garrus,” he could hear the sadness in his father’s subvocals, no matter how hard he tried to clamp down on it, “Just finish up that target practice.”

“Okay,” he said, that robotic motion back up to shoot but he saw something that froze him.

“Garrus?” his father desperately asked at the surprised noise that left him, Garrus not responding right away as he loaded up a concussive round.

He fired at that armour he knew anywhere, watching the N7’s barrier going down. Shepard - spirits if that wasn’t his Shepard - glared up at him and he chuckled a little.

“Dad,” he said, “I’ll be home when I can, my odds just got better.”

“Take care Garrus,” his dad said, “try calling more than once every two years.”

He couldn’t help his excitement, his hands shaking from more than just the stims. He was going to leave, get revenge for his squad all while being with the woman who made everything right.

She looked so happy to see him, throwing her arms in the air while saying his name. He had to stop that happy noise that threatened to come out of him, noticing the humans behind her. Garrus felt an awkward twinge as she asked about Archangel but instead promised.

“You know what,” he rumbled, “Get me out of here and I’ll tell you the whole damn story.”

* * *

This is what you get for screwing with the Blue Suns,” was all he heard as he whipped around, firing his rifle on instinct.

He flinched back as the gunships bullets landed against his armour, his visor helpfully telling him his shields were reduced. He barely had time to think before a missile came right for him, exploding against his shoulder and face.

Darkness swirled around him, passing out with only Shepard’s voice in his ear.

“Garrus!”

He was on the Normandy, looking up at the dark ceiling. Garrus’ face burned, pain and heat throbbing on his right side. He heard footsteps, Shepard stepping into view with those Alliance uniform he grew so accustomed to.

“Garrus,” her voice was soft as she knelt next to him.

Shepard was alive, that was all that ringed in his head, spirits he had so much to say. He just looked up at her with such yearning that it scared him. He wasn’t sure where to start.

Her hand slid on his face and he leaned into her touch.

A cool feeling spread across his mandible and his chest rumbled. Shepard’s smile was so sad and he was confused. She was here, he was here.

There was no Vakarian without Shepard.

“You need to wake up.”

He was gasping for air on his apartment suddenly, reaching out to grasp his rifle. He felt the world shift and suddenly he could see Shepard, red scars lining her face as she turned him over to look at him.

“We’re going to get you out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was tempted to add more and split this into two chapters but I have to think about pacing. I had ideas but truthfully I can still add them as flashbacks. 
> 
> Sorry about the wait, I won't go too into it but I'm struggling with writing right now.


	6. I am the (Model) Vanguard of your Destruction

He woke up in a bright room, Garrus’ eyes squinting as he looked at the ceiling. His back ached in a familiar way and it took him a few moments to realise that he was on a human bed. He pushed himself through the fog surrounding his head and shuffled to sit upright.

“You fall off that bed and I’ll leave you on the floor,” a familiar voice chastised him and he on instinct sat up straighter.

Chakwas came into view and he was struck with sudden longing.

“Where’s Shepard?” he asked, he felt his mandible droop slightly as his face was completely numb on the one side.

“I kicked her out of here and she went back to Omega to recruit a scientist,” Chakwas said and Garrus couldn’t help the way his stomach dropped.

A smooth female voice rang through on the speakers in the med-bay, “That is not accurate anymore, she has returned to the Normandy an hour ago. She is currently talking to Jacob Taylor in the Communications room.”

“I suppose I should explain some things,” Chakwas said, “Cerberus recovered Shepard’s body and has spent the last two years rebuilding her. They also rebuilt the Normandy into the SR2 with an AI to boot.”

A figure popped up this time, looking like what the humans would call a chest piece, lights flashed as it said, “My name is the Enhanced Defense Intelligence. The crew prefers to call me EDI.”

Garrus sat there awkwardly for a moment before saying, “Nice to meet you EDI.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you as well Officer Vakarian.”

He barely had a moment to process the information before he just stood up with a push. He silenced Chakwas’ protest with a gesture, hand lowering.

“I’m fine,” he said.

I need to see Shepard, is what he didn’t say.

* * *

He turned on instinct to go up the stairs to find a hallway with rooms on each side. One appeared to be a bathroom and another seemed to be an observation room. After a few moments to shake himself of the awkward feeling in his chest, he finally broke and asked the AI how to get to the Communication room.

That’s how he found himself in the elevator that he had first assumed only went down to the cargo bay. He pushed for the second floor, almost going for the first until EDI informed him that was Shepard’s room.

He needed to look at a map when he could, Garrus finally decided as he finally found himself in the hallway between the armoury and the science lab. He pushed the button to enter the communications room as he overheard a bit of their conversation.

“Garrus took a bad hit, doc’s corrected with some cybernetics. Best we can tell he’ll have full functionality…”

What was it that thing humans said, he thought as he entered the room, speak of the devil?

“Tough son of a bitch.”

“No one would give me a mirror,” he felt his confidence ebb back now that he could see her, “How bad is it?”

“Hell Garrus,” she shrugged, a smirk on her face, “You were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and no one will even notice.”

Jacob left the room while Garrus laughed, suddenly stopping with a slight groan of pain, “Don’t make me laugh, my face is barely holding together as it is.”

“Some women find facial scars attractive,” his left mandible swung to the side in a grin while his right stayed still, “Mind you, most of those women are krogan.”

“I think there are some human women who like them too,” she said and Garrus was unsure on how to take that.

He decided to ignore it, as he did best, and his tone went serious.

“I’m more concerned about you Shepard. Cerberus? Remember those sick experiments they were running.”

“That’s why I’m glad I have you here,” her eyes flicked down to the ground for a moment, “If I’m walking into Hell at least I have someone I trust by me.”

“You know this means I’m walking into Hell too?” he leaned back on the table, his hand gripping the edge before he hummed, “Just like old times.”

“I’ll bunker down in the forward battery,” he said, “See what I can do with it.”

* * *

“You’re not seriously going to wake up the krogan in the cargo hold,” Garrus asked, looking down at Shepard who was half in the elevator.

“No,” she said, immediately lying as she turned around, “I am definitely not going to the cargo hold and waking him.”

“Uh-huh.”

“We can’t just leave him there Garrus,” she finally said, “I’d at least like to open it on my terms and rather than on the pods.”

“You could not go skulk off and wake him up alone,” he said, “it’s a krogan, fighting in small spaces is what they do.”

“I thought you got over your prejudices.” Shepard said, “besides aren’t you busy having an affair on the Mako with the ship’s gun.”

“It’s not…”

“Okay thanks, Garrus,” she said, pressing the button and the door closed in his face, “Have fun! Bye!”

That’s how she ended up with a bruise across her neck the next time he saw her.

“Chakwas is going to tear into you,” was all Garrus said, his mandibles tight against his face while he tried not to focus on how upset it was about it.

“She already did,” Shepard sighed, “However we have a krogan squad-member now so say hi to Grunt the next time you see him. He probably won’t murder you for being a turian.”

“I appreciate the warning, Shepard,” he said, “I’ll actually listen to yours.”

“Touché, Vakarian.”

* * *

“Next on _Al-Jilani investigates_ The Andromeda initiative. A thrilling romantic adventure to another galaxy or the scam of the century. Watch Al-Jilani interview the Initiative’s Cora Harper to….”

“Well at least she’s moved on,” Shepard said, listening to the news, “Though tough luck to that Cora Harper.”

“I doubt she’s as eloquent as you were with Jilani,” Garrus said, the two of them pointedly ignoring Kasumi’s ad terminal, “It was poetry how you managed to play her game even better.”

“How many times can you walk by without stopping?” Kasumi was starting to get annoyed.

“I don’t know Garrus,” Shepard said and the glint in her eyes was making the Turian shiver, “I’d like to see you in an interview, you have a good voice for it.”

Garrus wasn’t ready to back down, shifting with a bit of his chest puffing up, “Your voice is better than mine, you clearly haven’t heard yourself speak.”

“An even better reason to do it,” she smiled before her voice pitched just a tad bit deeper, “ _you_ clearly haven’t heard yourself speak.”

“Can you stop flirting and talk to me,” Kasumi sounded so exhausted but they both suddenly jumped, their spines straight.

“Hello I am Commander Shepard,” she said stiffly, turning around to look at the terminal, “please tell me whatever task you wish of me that somehow isn’t in the dossier.”

“You’re straight to the point,” Kasumi said while Garrus stared at the wall.

He had to stop letting Shepard pull him into her games. She’d get that look in her eye and he just had to follow with his big mouth. Kasumi wasn’t the only one to think they were flirting, Joker already called them over the intercom earlier that day to call them out.

He scolded himself then too.

He was just weak to Shepard’s charms, a lot of people were. He felt comfortable with her, in a way that drove away the memories of Omega just for a little while. Garrus didn’t think that was too bad of a thing to enjoy.

“Okay then Garrus,” she said, turning around, “Time to get some shopping done, you have the list of dextro ingredients?”

“You didn’t have to Shepard. I’m fine with just rations.”

“Nonsense,” she said, “We’re getting better food too, no reason to not share that around.”

‘especially from the Illusive Man’s pocket,’ he heard her mutter under her voice.

She smiled at Bailey as she walked by and was about to make the turn to the food store just right next door when she stopped. She turned on her heel with a speed that made him jump, Garrus keeping with her pace as she immediately pressed her face against the glass there.

“Garrus I think I’m in love,” she murmured and he heard a squeak.

“What is that?” he asked while peering around her shoulder, seeing a tiny animal there with the creepiest almost human hands.

“It’s a hamster,” she said, “I’m going to get him.”

She turned to the side and noticed the model ship boxes there.

“I always wanted to get into putting models together,” she said, “it looks like you don’t even have to glue these, they just snap together.”

“How may I help you,” the store clerk noticed her and immediately honed in on her.

Shepard lifted herself and was suddenly dignified as she smiled at the clerk.

“Since this is a Council owned store do Council employees get a discount?”

“They do,” she said, perkily pulling out her omni-tool, “May I ask your profession?”

“I’m a former Spectre.”

“I didn’t know Spectre’s could retire,” she said before giving her best apology yet still happy voice, “Unfortunately though you don’t qualify for a discount.”

“How about I give you an endorsement from the woman who beat Saren,” she said, leaning forward with a smile on her face and Garrus was suddenly amazed at how quickly she read the sales clerk.

The sales clerk opened her eyes wildly before nodding, offering Shepard her own employee discount.

Garrus had to hide a laugh as another customer came in, suddenly confused as Shepard’s voice rang out from the speaker near the door.

_“I’m Commander Shepard and this is my favourite store on the Citadel.”_


	7. Somewhere, Over the Horizon

Jack was a world of issues, if not a galaxy. He figured that out the second Shepard asked Warden Kuril. There was an undercurrent of fear in his voice, a primal sub-vocal to warn others of predators. He had a bad feeling about all of this, that the warden was inviting disaster by bragging nothing went wrong here.

He thought the same on Omega.

“I’ll see you later Shepard,” the look in the Warden’s eyes were appraising and Garrus immediately knew there was something wrong.

Thankfully they all still had their weapons, Shepard had told the Blue Suns where she’d shove her rifle before handing it over. He almost half expected Shepard to give in to them when they asked, much like how she acquiesced on Noveria until Parasini stepped in.

She might have the same feelings of something was wrong here he did that or she was no longer pressured to be an outstanding model of her species.

He was just waiting for the ball to drop.

It was almost insulting when it did. The door opened to an empty cell and Garrus could help but give a scoffing noise when Warden Kuril came over the intercom.

“Drop your weapons and step into the cell,” Kuril said and Shepard just looked incredulously at Garrus, “You won’t be harmed.”

“You did a good job talking up your noble intentions with this prison,” Shepard said, “But you’re just a slaver and all slavers get is a bullet to the skull.”

“Shepard’s in processing,” Kuril said and Garrus raised his gun to cover the door they came in.

“This seems fun,” Grunt pounded his hands together before shouldering his shotgun.

The door opened to three Blue suns and he felt the biotics wash out from Shepard, his neck prickling with an electric feeling. Then there was a great release of energy as Shepard flew forward all while Garrus aimed at the merc next to the one she picked. His head came into view and he pulled the trigger. Blood splattered everywhere as the merc dropped dead, Shepard aimed her shotgun right under her enemies chin and the merc’s head exploded in a mist of red. Grunt ran at the last one, pinning him under his grasp before pushing him through the glass, Garrus picking up a flash of blue surrounding the turian before slamming down with a sickening crunch.

“Come on,” Shepard said, stepping over the bodies, “Let’s not stick around long.”

Going through a few more merc they found themselves in the control room, quickly dispatching the technician firing at them with a pistol.

“Shepard,” Garrus said, “If you hack that console you’ll open every cell-block on this floor.”

“Whatever,” Grunt responded with apathy, “More to fight.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Shepard said, omni-tool flashing as she ran a hacking program, “We need to get Jack out.”

Fog billowed out of the machine as parts whirled around. Garrus craned his neck a little, he wanted to see the person that terrified the entire ship so much. There was so much fanfare, so much twirling and coming out of the machine to just reveal such a tiny woman.

“That’s Jack?”

He could see the woman breath, rage suddenly overwhelming her face as she reached up to rip herself free of her shackles. She rushed forward at three YMIR mechs while Garrus could only curse how often human women just rushed into battle. Biotic energy built around Jack like a supernova to shake the entire ship as immediately alarms went off.

“We gotta catch up to her,” Shepard shouted over the VI warning of life support loss in several sections.

They ran down the ramp, Shepard quickly scanning one of the mechs before running to the side to pick up some minerals. Garrus coughed and then they went through the hole that Jack had burst through. Then they pushed forward through the red-lit ship all while firing at Mechs, Blue Suns, and prisoners.

“Rushed with improved weapons,” she said while subtly stealing the dead guard’s credits, “Never stood a chance.”

“Just shows you what kind of people these prisoners are,” Garrus said and Shepard glared at him, “I don’t agree with everything they do here but this guard kept maniacs away from innocent people.”

“You see how it’s done here,” Shepard said, her hand squeezing, “How many times did this guard pull them aside to beat them. Power was abused here, he had it coming.”

Grunt made an annoyed sound and they dropped it to keep pushing forward. Garrus felt pleased as they brought down Kuril’s shields, Garrus shooting the other turian in the skull.

* * *

Shepard skimmed the Cerberus report, anything about the colonies that disappeared recently to information on the Collector’s dug up. She was certain this wasn’t everything, there was just a puzzle piece hidden out of sight.

_…. scavenged Fehl Prime footage shows outline that could be Collector Ship, casting doubt on pirate or other means of destruction…_

It was depressing, Shepard decided, to read the reports of the colonies that she couldn’t save yet. That the best she could do was avenge them.

She tossed the datapad onto her desk as her stomach growled, turning on her heel to head down to the mess-hall. Shepard doubted anyone was there, it was the middle of the night shift, the crew still awake at their stations on either the floor above or below.

She didn’t account for someone having the same messed up sleep schedule as she did that or Turians simply needed less sleep.

She should look that up.

“Evening Garrus,” she said as she immediately turned to the kitchen and pulling out bread and a few jars.

“Are you planning to pace around the ship again?” Garrus responded with his gun pulled apart in front of him, “Or just devour half a thing of bread.”

“It’s a loaf,” she said while deftly spreading the jam and peanut butter on the bread, “Called a loaf of bread for some reason.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” he said all while picking up another part of his gun to inspect it.

“Mind if I sit here,” Shepard asked and he gave a slight nod, placing her pile of sandwiched on the tables.

She leant back and noticed his gloves neatly put to the side, still wearing the rest of his battered armour. Shepard vaguely wished she got a drink as well as she started to devour her food.

“You’re showing your hands,” she finally teased him.

“You try taking a gun off with gloves on.”

“I just thought you were slowly becoming a stripper,” her eyes twinkled, “Never seen you out of your armour so I just assumed it was your version of a striptease.”

“I think you’ll know when I’m giving a striptease,” was all he said before focusing on the part in front of him.

He slowly and methodically checked each part for wear and tear, replacing those that were too far gone to repair. Shepard just kept eating, silence falling over the pair. She took a bite of her sandwich then suddenly she froze, her chest aching as saw that report flash into her mind. It had been a cold reading of casualties, only a few marines had apparently survived.

“Shepard,” his hand smeared oil across her shirt as he gently shook her.

“Collectors destroyed a colony,” she said, her eyebrows pinching together as that dark feeling brewed in her chest.

“Destroyed?”

“Best intel we have suggests the Collector ship fired on the colony.”

“They could have still taken the colonists first.”

“Is that any better Garrus?”

“We’ll avenge them, Shepard,” he said, pushing her hand to the side to slip his three fingers awkwardly through her five, “All of them.”

She squeezed her hand and he kept it there, certain that she’d pull away. Instead, she rubbed her thumb against the small thin plates of his hand, a hum building up in her throat. His own throat went dry, mandibles fluttering slightly as he was suddenly hyper-aware of the way her skin felt against his own.

“I…” he needed to say something, anything.

“Shepard,” EDI popped in and they both pulled their hands away, a whine in their throats at the interruption, “The Illusive Man is waiting for you in the Communication room.”

“I’ll go deal with our Overlord,” she said, pushing herself up from the table and smiling down at him.

“I’ll talk to you later, Garrus,” she said, her voice thick with something she didn’t want to think about.

* * *

Horizon was horrifically quiet, at least until Collector’s flew down from the sky to fire at them. Garrus shot at one behind a shield, the concussive round shattering the collector’s barrier to fly back at the force of Shepard ramming into it.

“Got that one!” Mordin shouted as one of them burst into flames, a sickening burning smell filling the air.

Shepard slipped into cover just a few feet away and he couldn’t help but fill with awe. She had always look alive on the battlefield but she was just stunning now. Collector gunk was smeared across the bridge of her nose and his hand - the same one she held a few hours before - ached to wipe it away.

“Here we go!” she cried out before charging forward again and Garrus was struck with a sudden realisation.

He cared for Shepard.

More than a friend should.

Which probably shouldn’t have been a surprise if he thought about it. His banter was a little too close to his heart.

His body thrummed with adrenaline, the stakes slowly raising with his understanding, as he aimed at a collector. Its head exploded into an orange mist and he quickly took sight of the battlefield. There were about three left, one exploding in flames while Mordin taunted it, two left.

He loaded another concussive round to take care of one of the assassins, quickly loading up a regular heat sink to shoot the collector through the skull.

The other fell with a blur of blue, Shepard rushing at it before shooting over and over again with her shotgun until it finally fell to the ground dead.

“Come on,” she said, half running, “There’s no time to waste.”

As they kept pushing forward Garrus couldn’t help but be painfully aware of how close to danger Shepard was good at getting into. It only got worse as a husk came out of nowhere and threw itself at Shepard. She was knocked back for a second and Garrus loaded up an overload.

It threw itself back as the electricity surged through the husk, Shepard flaring with biotics as she threw a shockwave, throwing the husks into the air to shatter against the ground.

She threw him a thumbs up but he couldn’t return it, his mandibles tight to his face while they all ran forward to the colony’s defence guns. He just wanted this mission to end so he could lock himself in the forward battery until he could figure out exactly what he was going to do about Shepard.

They made their way into the courtyard where the defence towers console sat, EDI connecting and repairing the problems in the coding. They quickly fought against the coming wave of collectors and husks.

Then the gun began to fire and he could feel the anticipation building as an amalgam of human body parts flew at them. It screamed with its voice tinged with an electric undertone that made him nauseous. He grasped Shepard by the shoulder and pulled her into cover right as it shot a laser beam at her.

“Well fuck,” she hissed, swapping her shotgun out for her submachine gun and loaded her incendiary ammo.

They all began to fire at the creature, burning through its armour. Suddenly it screeched again and slammed against the ground, throwing them back from cover as they immediately pushed back to find a buffer between them and the creature.

“My attacks are ineffective,” Garrus called out before noticing the flare of a barrier around it, “Trying concussive shot.”

It hit and he noticed the barrier lose power. He looked at how many more rounds he had before cursing a bit, he only had three.

“Shit,” he fired at the creature with regular ammunition, saving his last concussive shots for later in the fight.

They slowly whittled it down, doing their best to keep their distance while also trying to keep from being shot with its powerful weapon. Garrus kept waiting until it slammed on the ground, firing a concussive round as it’s barrier came up.

Electric blue liquid began to leak from it, Garrus biting back his visceral reaction. Despite coming from an obvious human source there was something too close to turian blood for his stomach to handle.

He loaded his last concussive round right as it slammed to the ground again, throwing Shepard and Mordin from cover. He fired at it and he noticed Shepard flare up with biotic energy throwing it at the Praetorian.

It screamed.

Its voice pitched higher and higher and he instinctively covered his ears, the sound ringing in his ears as it slowly turned into ash to drift away. He noticed blood trailing down Shepard’s nose, cutting right over her lip before she wiped it away.

The ship fired its engines and they all stumbled from the shockwave. Delan had finally pulled himself from the garage to yell at Shepard to stop them.

“I didn’t want it to end this way,” Shepard said, “I did all I could.”

“More than most, Shepard,” Garrus said.

“Shepard,” Delan said, a realisation filling him, “I know that name. Some big alliance hero.”

“Commander Shepard of the Normandy,” Kaidan came into view, “First human Spectre, Hero of the Citadel.”

There was clearly dislike between the two men as Kaidan disregarded Delan, “You’re in the presence of a hero. And a ghost.”

Garrus wasn’t sure how to feel about Kaidan when he first appeared here but after Shepard shook his hand - Kaidan’s hand lingering a little too long for Garrus’ swirling thoughts - to immediate chastise her he was hesitant to call him an ass.

If only for the friendship he had shared with the human.

“You just show up after two years and pretend everything is fine?”

“I was out, Kaidan,” Shepard said, understating her own death, “For two years. You’d all moved on with your life, why reopen old wounds?”

“You found Garrus,” Kaidan said, “You couldn’t have sent a message? I wanted to believe you were alive but Cerberus?”

“I…” Shepard's face flushed with panic.

“Damnit Kaidan,” Garrus suddenly stepped in, “You’re so focused on Cerberus you’re refusing to see the real enemy.”

“The Collectors are working with the Reapers,” Shepard suddenly recovered herself, “You saw it yourself.”

“Maybe,” Kaidan said, “But I know my alliances.”

Kaidan looked down for a moment before saying, “I’ll pass my report to the board, we’ll see if they believe your story.”

Garrus just watched Shepard’s outline, unsure of what to do. At least Mordin had the decency to turn away, give Shepard a bit of privacy. He tried to reach out, press his hand across her back to reassure her but he froze as Shepard reached up to contact Joker.

“I need off this colony Joker,” was all she said, Garrus’ hand slipping back to his side as she turned away from Horizon.


	8. Moving On

He was cleaning up the code on the gun, adding a few notes for when they had the resources for the Thanix cannon to integrate it smoothly. He wanted every chance they could have, doing everything he could to keep Shepard safe.

She’s been so quiet after Horizon, going up to the loft while the crew kept out of her way without a single word said. He didn’t know if it was the right thing to do, to leave her alone but no one knew what to say.

He heard footsteps walking towards the battery. He knew by the gait and weight it was Shepard besides the smell of her shampoo announced her arrival ahead of time.

“Shepard,” he greeted without turning around, knowing that she’d say something.

“I…” her voice stuttered and he instinctively turned around, a pained look on her face.

She suddenly felt quiet and something grew in his gullet, a painful feeling that he associated with his bad times after her death.

He just stood with her in silence, figuring she’d say something when she was ready. She was horrifyingly still, Shepard was always moving whether it be a foot-tapping or her fingers rapping out a beat on the nearest surface.

She finally moved to the crates he had to the side, hiding mostly tools and the few possessions he still had. He watched her sit down, her shoulders slumping forward.

“I don’t understand people,” Shepard finally said, Garrus held back a surprised noise.

“Shepard I’ve seen you talk so many people out of their plans, You even convinced a corporate tool to go against orders.”

“That’s easy, I know what people want to hear,” she said, “I just don’t know why. I don’t know why they do the things that they do.”

He turned to look at her, seeing her stare at her hands. Horizon hit her hard, he realized, Kaidan’s rejection clearly still in her mind.

“It’s always felt like I was just outside,” she said, “I learned how to lie and pretend so they’d stop hurting me but there was always this wall, keeping me from being a part of them.”

Garrus wasn’t sure he’d ever fully understood but a part of him did. He just never would have assumed that as much as he was a bad turian, Shepard was a bad human. Garrus moved to sit next to her with his hands awkwardly sitting on his lap.

“Kaidan’ll come around,” he said while tilting his head to look at her, “If he doesn’t then that’s on him.”

“I guess there’s that too,” she said, her fingers slipping into each other.

“Shepard?” he looked at her, his hands clenching for a moment before resting on her back.

“Toombs says he’ll kill me if he ever sees me again.”

“I wouldn’t let him.”

“Maybe he should,” Shepard said and Garrus felt a sinking feeling grow in his chest, “I mean I’m working with Cerberus. The group that murdered our entire squad. Maybe I should die for that.”

His grip instinctively tightened and only released when she gave a hiss of pain. He rubbed her back apologetically, glad he hadn’t broken skin. Garrus cursed that he hurt her, even more than she already was.

This was a part of her he didn’t even know that she had. She’s always seemed so sure on the SR1, he was a damned fool to not recognize that she had her own doubts too. That twinge of affection for her grew in his chest and he pulled her close, her hand resting on his armour and he vaguely wondered what it would feel like to have her skin on his.

“While almost fifty men died I’m with the fuckers that killed them,” she said, salt filling the air as tears streamed down her face, “My own team. We were family by the time we reached Akuze. I’d only ever been that close to the crew on the Normandy.”

And then they had slowly spurred her, the weight of rejection starting to show on her shoulders. A bitter part of him wondered if she was only telling him this because she had no one else to turn to. Miranda would dismiss her out of loyalty to Cerberus and even after rescuing her from Haestrom Tali still didn’t trust Shepard completely with both Cerberus and EDI to hear her doubts.

“You’re not with Cerberus,” Garrus reminded her, quoting what she had told him the first time they’d talked on the Normandy.

“Taking their money,” she said, absent-mindedly leaning into his grip and he held back the urge to smell her hair just underneath his jawline, “Doing their dirty work. I can’t even trust them with what they pulled on Horizon and I’m still here.”

“You are hardly doing their dirty work,” he reminded her, “Every chance you’ve had you’ve been sending intel on Cerberus to the Alliance.”

She snorted, a bit of a smile on her face as she pulled away a bit, “So it’s just that easy?”

“I didn’t say that,” he said, “I said your loyalties aren’t to Cerberus, you’ll find a way to leave once you have all you need. ”

She didn't say anything, her fingers clenching in the fabric of her pants for a split moment before relaxing. She pushed against his shoulder with a smile. There was still something sad behind her eyes but he took the gesture as a good step forward.

"Why do you always know what to say," she said.

"It's a talent."

* * *

“You left a note with Chambers?” Shepard said, looking at his back.

“I caught a lead,” Garrus’ entire body rumbled with anticipation, “I need to get to the Citadel whenever you can.”

“I’m assuming with Sidonis?” she asked, leaning against the safety railing.

“A forager named Fade,” he said, “He’s got a talent at wiping people from the records.”

“You still planning to kill Sidonis,” Shepard was unreadable at that moment but he didn’t have to, he knew her.

“I am. I’ll pull the trigger and I’ll live with the consequences,” Garrus said, “I don’t need your approval but I would like your help.”

“Glad to see I can still disapprove.”

“Shepard,” his voice was rough, rasping on the words in a way she had never heard from him.

“I get it. Go to the Citadel, find Fade, kill Sidonis,” she listed it off on her fingers, “Pick up milk.”

"Might as well if you're already there," he said dryly, closing the door behind her as she left to immediately read over the information he had again.

* * *

Blue Suns were starting to fucking piss off Garrus. He had hardly expected Harkin to immediately cooperate but it would have been nice to be proven wrong for once. It didn’t help that with each Blue Sun and mech that was thrown his way Shepard was not shy about the concerned looks she was giving him.

“Shit Garrus,” she didn’t need to be a turian to hear the undercut of aggression rumbling deep inside of him, “What the fuck are you planning to do to Harkin.”

“Don’t worry,” Garrus hands were clenched, “The man’s a coward, he’ll talk before I can really do some damage.”

“You don’t have to hurt him to get what you want,” her voice was soft and he couldn’t look at her, his mandibles tight against his face.

“We’ll see.”

They pushed into the last room, watching Harkin stare down at them from his window. They killed whatever mercs in the way before watching several lifts bring in heavy mechs. Shepard thankfully didn’t charge it, switching to her sub-machine gun as he whittled down their shields.

He saw flames flare up with every shot, her incendiary ammo mod armed as she burned through its armour. With the battered mech struggling to stay up he took aim with his sniper rifle, shooting it right through the head.

Its chest began to flash and beep, the other mech pushing forward. It suddenly exploded, frying the surviving mech’s shields and burning a good chunk of its armour.

“Just a little more,” he rumbled, the three of them opening fire on the last mech.

It exploded and they moved up to the pseudo-staircase of platforms that lead to Harkin. Mech’s kept coming at them, feeling Shepard’s biotics flare before she pushed past him in a biotic charge. She quickly dispatched of the fellow mechs, shooting them through the head with her shotgun.

He pushed his way up, with each step he felt a coldness spread through him. He wasn’t about to let Sidonis go, he was about to have that slimy turian assuming Harkin came through.

And of course, Harkin refused.

“Harkin,” Shepard sighed, leaning back, “This doesn’t have to be hard.”

“I don’t give out client information,” he spat in her face, “It’s bad for business.”

He was immediately on the floor, Garrus’ foot on his neck.

He pushed down and watched him struggle before finally snarling out, “You know what’s also bad for business, a broken neck.”

Harkin immediately faltered, pleading for him to stop while gasping for air and Shepard placed a shoulder on his arm. He pulled back, her eyebrows tight with concern.

“Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus?”

“No, but,” he paused, a dark look entering his eye, “Sidonis opened my eyes, set up a meeting.”

Garrus looked at his pistol, Shepard watching him intently, while Harkin set up a meeting. He could hear that fucking coward on the other end, immediately concerned about being found.

“I’ll send an agent,” Harkin reassured before cutting the line, “There you go, he’ll be waiting in the Orbital lounge. Middle of the day.”

“Now that our business is concluded,” Harkin said, trying to turn away, “I’ll be going…”

“I don’t think so,” Garrus said, pulling the man close, “You’re a criminal now.”

“So you’re just going to kill me?” Harkin said, “That’s not your style.”

“You’re right, I don’t mind slowing you down though,” Garrus aimed the gun at Harkin’s leg for Shepard to immediately pull it up to the ceiling.

The bullet lodged in the metal above them and he couldn’t help the audible growl coming from him.

“He can’t hide anymore,” Shepard said, “C’mon we have better things to do.”

Harkin barely got a snarky remark out before Garrus whipped his head forward, his plates cracking against the human’s head. Harkin was on the floor, dazed while the pair of them walking away.

“I didn’t shoot him.”

They got into the taxi they called, the radio barely having time to spit out ‘... Home Group announced a security breach on their…’ before Garrus slammed it off. There was a few moments of silence while Thane pretended he was anywhere else besides this car.

“Harkin was a bloody menace,” he finally said, “We shouldn’t have let him go.”

“You’re worrying me Garrus.”

His mandibles tightened, looking at one of his closest friends. Regardless of how he felt about her, he didn't want her concern. Words brewed inside of him, unsure of what to say first.

He finally settled on a silent plea, “What do you want from me, Shepard?”

“I don’t know,” she said, that lost look on her face again, “This just isn’t you.”

“I was betrayed,” Garrus snapped, “What would you do if that happened to you.”

“I don’t know,” she admitted again, “but I wouldn’t let it change me.”

“I would have said the same thing before it happened.”

“I can talk to him.”

He felt something sick in the back of his throat, the thought of actually listening to the coward explain made his stomach squelch.

“You can talk to him all you want to,” he finally said, his voice taut with anger, “I don’t care what his reasons are. He screwed us, he deserves to die.”

“Why should he go on living while twelve good people all lie in unmarked graves.”

“Words,” he stressed that out for her, staring her right in the eye until she pulled away, “aren’t going to solve this problem.”

“How do you want to do this,” if he wasn’t so pissed right now he’d feel ashamed for how small she sounded.

“I’ll be up there,” he pointed to a high alcove, “Just wave him over and move to the side when I say to.”

“Okay,” she said, her and Thane getting out of the car while he climbed up to where he pointed, ignoring the keepers working next to him.

“I’m in position,” his voice rumbled through her earpiece and she waved over the turian.

He looked awful, his plates hung loosely on his body. A dark look on Sidonis’ face while he talked to Shepard.

“I have him,” Garrus said, his mandibles gently rocking on his face in anticipation, “Move out of the way.”

“Listen Sidonis,” Shepard said and he practically cursed out loud, Sidonis’ eyes immediately narrowing as he told her not to call him that.

“I’m a friend of Garrus’,” she said watching Sidonis’ eyes grow wide with panic, “He wants you dead. I’m hoping that isn’t necessary.”

“Damn it, Shepard,” a frustrated noise grew inside him, “If he moves, I’m taking the shot.”

“You’re not kidding are you?” Sidonis backed up, “Screw this, tell Garrus I have my own problem.”

Her hand whipped out to grasp his wrist, Sidonis automatically trying to throw it off.

“I am the only thing standing between you and a hole in your head,” she said.

“Fuck.”

He saw the turian’s head move, glancing around at the alcoves. Shepard kept her position in mind, keeping her head squarely in Garrus’ sights. As soon as Sidonis froze he knew he’d been spotted, grumbling deep in his throat while Garrus just waited.

“Listen I didn’t want to do it,” Garrus listened to Sidonis pleading as he waited for a clear shot, “They made me. Said they would have killed me, what was I to do?”

“He’s a damn coward, Shepard. Let me kill him.”

“That’s it?” she said, walking with him as he went to the railing, “That’s why you did it?”

“I know they’re dead because of me,” Garrus froze as he heard Sidonis’ subharmonics through Shepard’s mic, “I’m already a dead man. I can’t sleep, food has no taste.”

“Shepard,” Garrus’ voice was soft, “Let me end it for him.”

“You gotta let it go, Garrus,” Shepard said, stepping back, “He’s already paying enough. There’s nothing left here to kill.”

Garrus just looked at Sidonis through his scope, seeing the absolute apathy radiating from the Turian, “My men…”

“Deserved better,” Shepard said, turning to look right at him “Trust me, I _know_. But you have to move on.”

“Tell Garrus,” Sidonis said before dropping his head, “There’s nothing I can say to make this right.”

“Go,” Garrus finally choked out, slipping from his perch to sit on the ground “Just tell him to go.”

“He’s giving you a second chance…” he heard through his comm while putting his gun away.

“I’ll make it up to you, Garrus,” Sidonis said, Garrus’ hands squeezing for a moment before releasing as he walked away.

Shepard was waiting by the taxi, Thane was already in the backseat on his omni-tool. Shepard turned to look at him with her mouth opening but he just raised a hand.

“Please Shepard,” he said, unsure of what to even say to her, “I don’t want to talk about it yet.”

She rested a hand on his shoulder before taking a step back, “Okay, I guess you need some time.”

“Yeah,” he glanced back at the crowd, Sidonis already slipping away into the people there, “Maybe that’s all I need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll have a little angst in the next chapter.


	9. To Fucking Up

“Garrus,” Shepard purred, Garrus’ heart thrumming in his chest.

“I… uh…” Garrus stuttered, feeling her hands on his waist and he felt his chest ache with his subharmonics.

“Come on,” her lips were on his neck, Garrus groaning while he twined his hand into her hair, “I know you want this.”

Spirits he ached for this, pinning Shepard against the console with his tongue pressed against her collarbone. Her fingers deftly massaged the back of his fringe, pressing kisses across his face.

“I know you want me,” Shepard murmured and he was so aroused, his body just hurting with want, “I can see right through you.”

Her hand moved to wrap around him and he woke up, that want still heavy through his body. He reached instinctively, aching to pull Shepard closer until he realised it was simply a dream. He lay there for a moment, trying to push down the arousal.

He finally relented, pulling up his omnitool. His hand wrapped around his cock as he pulled up some known videos. He groaned with frustration as the two turians enthusiastically going at it did nothing for him.

His mind kept flashing to Shepard, her hand pressed against his body when he quickly searched for Turian/human porn. He tilted his head while he watched, he video doing nothing to the undercurrent of want inside of him.

It quickly finished and while it automatically went to the next video Garrus couldn’t help but feel a little smug with himself.

See, he thought as the next video played, I don’t have a human fetish.

The camera shook a little as the human pulled into the shot, a deep chuckle in her chest as the turian settled between her legs. Garrus’ throat went dry at how much she resembled Shepard, his cock twitching in his hand.

His grip tightened slightly before stroking, filling in the gaps with his mind and squinting. Suddenly it was Shepard moaning and his hand desperately stroked himself. Pleasure spread from his crotch like fire, a groan deep in his throat as he climaxed with his eyes closed.

It took him a few minutes for his head to clear, dismissing his omni-tool as everything just sunk into him. That more than friends feeling he felt for Shepard was growing every day.

He felt a warm emptiness wash over him, unsure whether it was a good feeling or a bad. There was a twinge of pain, that awkward feeling that made his stomach turn but then he thought of Shepard, her smile and he could see it as good.

He felt like he was drowning.

And a part of him wasn’t sure whether to let go and let himself sink into this awkward feeling.

* * *

“Do you have a moment to talk?” Shepard said, standing in the doorway while keeping an eye on the figure draped in shadow.

“Can it wait a bit,” he defaulted to his usual excuse as he didn’t turn around, “I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”

There was just silence in response and he felt his hand tremble with a bad feeling. He turned around to see a pained look on her face, her heart shattering right in front of him. A dull ache spread across the back of his throat as she instinctively pulled her hands together to pick at her fingers.

“Okay,” she laughed, pitching high sharply.

He saw the blind panic on her face for a split second before a mask spilt across her face. Then she was gone and Garrus immediately cursed himself out, his hand gripping his arm tightly. He had memories lay against each other, him saying that line to Shepard over and over again.

You fucked this up Vakarian, a particularly uncharitable voice nagged at the back of his mind, got too horny and you fucked up the one good thing in your life.

His head found a home in his hands, fingers tightening a bit as he groaned in frustration.

* * *

Darkness spread across his chest, a deep empty feeling that he had associated with Omega. He knew better now, the proper mind place to properly put a name to it.

He was lonely.

He missed chatting with Shepard. It was like a piece of him was missing. There was also a sinking feeling of guilt inside of him, that he pushed her away until she assumed he was angry with him. He didn’t know how to make it right.

He didn’t know how to apologise.

Part of him wanted to sweep her off her feet, to make a grand gesture to tell her everything. That no matter what their relationship was - romantic or not - his life without Shepard was empty. But he could lose her again, he had a tendency to put his foot in his mouth.

So now he’s just listening in, hearing Shepard make her way through the Collector ship while he sat here useless if something happened.

“Commander, I have checked the ship against known profiles from Horizon and the Normandy SR1’s blackbox,” EDI said, his hand tensing a bit, “It is an exact match.”

“The same ship dogging me for two years,” Shepard said, “Way past coincidence.”

He did not like this. It was especially hard sitting behind, listening to all of them walk into an obvious trap. What they learned about the Protheans was nice and horrifying but he’s breath a lot better when she was back on the ship.

Then the power shut off, Garrus cursing as he tried to reboot the console in front of him.

“Give me a second Officer Vakarian,” EDI’s voice rang out into the room, distorted before the lights flicked back on.

“eeeEEEDI?” Shepard voice lagged and snapped back in, “What the Hell happened.”

“I have managed to divert the overload into non-critical systems,” she said, “I have also found the turian distress call, the Illusive man could not believe it was genuine.”

“Makes sense to me that the Collectors would send the initial call as bait.”

“No, turians use secondary encryption and it is corrupted in the distress call,” EDI explained, “I found the anomaly with Cerberus protocols, the Illusive man wrote them.”

“Of course that son of a b…” Jack immediately fired on the comm, Garrus muting for a quick second before pulling it back up.

“.…n’t matter, we’ll deal with it back on the ship,” Shepard said.

“You think that…”

“I can hardly kick the Illusive man’s ass from here,” Shepard said, “We focus on getting out, nothing more for now. EDI know how to leave this joint?”

“Downloading schematics.”

They made their way through, listening to EDI’s guidance. The sound of battle came up again and he heard those creepy insults, poking at Shepard more and more. Garrus tasted metal at the back of his throat, his heart-rate through the roof.

“I see the shuttle, that’s where we came in,” Kasumi cut in.

“They’re powering up weapons Shepard,” Joker cut in, “You might want to double-time it before they cut down the Normandy again.”

“You heard the man. Go, go, go.”

“Shit,” Jack swore as suddenly Shepard gave a shocked scream, “Get it off her.”

“Jack?” EDI asked.

“Husk got Shepard, it’s dead now.”

There was a sickening crunch and the sound of gurgling, Garrus’ hands tightened as he felt like he being pulled in five different directions.

Shepard was going to murder him at this rate.

* * *

He breathed deeply as he felt the stretch in his chest. He straightened out his clothes with a firm hand before he reached a hand up to the green panel on the Loft’s door.

He opened the door, his heart lodged firmly in his throat. Shepard stood there waiting, looking him down as her entire body was. There was a quiet tremble in her shoulders, betraying the apathetic look she was trying to give off.

“Vakarian.”

Her body was outlined in a blue glow, shadows occasionally drifting across her body as the fish swam in front of the light. He took a deep breath, Shepard’s eye twitching.

“I’m not mad,” he said and he felt relief radiate off of her as she deflated.

“So why push me away?”

Because you haunt me, even in life.

“I’ve just been thinking about things,” he said, “I’m just not used to how human ships deal with high-risk mission.”

“Even with your time on the Normandy SR1?,” she shifted side to side, tilting a head up at him, “what about Saren and Ilos.”

“Yeah but that was quick,” he watched her, “we rushed out blew up some geth and then moved on.”

“Now we have Miranda and EDI telling us what we’re up against,” he had accepted death a while ago, didn’t quite like the idea of either him or her actually going, “I think I preferred blind optimism.”

“I’m sorry Garrus,” she said, a hand on his arm suddenly and he leaned into her grip, “I should have realised you had your own things going on.”

“It’s okay,” he said, “I should have said something, even if it was that I needed time to myself.”

He watched her as she pulled away, her clothes shifting as she stretched her arms out in front of her. Her legs stretched a little as she twined her fingers together and pulled her arms up, the tension in her hand straining before releasing as she let the stretch go while Garrus watched her stomach peak out from the bottom of her shirt.

“Since you’re here,” she said, looking at him with a grin, “I have some dextro booze if you want to stay.”

“Well since you asked so kindly,” he said, “I’ll take a crack at what you have.”

“Sit on the couch Vakarian,” she said, “Unless you want to stand and drink.”

He laughed, heading down the stairs while getting a good look around. She had her old helmet on her desk, something Garrus thought was a bit morbid. There was the Prothean orb she scavenged right in front of him, feeling a faint energy radiate from it.

“Spirits, why did you keep this?”

“It’s cool.”

“There we go.”

“Can’t say anything about how it tastes though,” she began pouring into glasses, “Due to the whole dextro/amino thing.”

“There’s always a catch.”

“I’m curious though,” Shepard said as she walked back down, two drinks in hand.

He accepted the faintly purple drink she offered him before sitting down with a glass of her own. He took a sip, enjoying the burn at the back of his throat before shifting slightly to give Shepard some space on the couch.

“About what?”

“How Turian crews deal with high-risk missions,” she said, taking a swig of her own drink.

He raised an eyebrow, he didn’t know human drinks well but he could smell the alcohol radiating from that.

“My new liver works too well,” she said catching his gaze, “Or at least the cybernetics supplementing it. I probably could out-drink Wrex now.”

Then she prodded his carapace before staring him down, “Also you didn’t answer, how do they deal with high-risk missions?”

“With violence,” he said, “usually. All ships are equipped with a full gym. We’re run tight and our commanders expect us to blow off steam. Exercise, training, even full-contact sparring.”

“So turians are fighting each other before a mission?”

“It’s supervised,” he immediately defended, “No one is going to risk an injury that could throw a mission, and it’s a good way to settle grudges.”

“M-hmm,” she didn’t sound convinced so Garrus continued.

“I remember this one time,” he starting, taking another swig and feeling a nice feeling start to flare in his chest, “This recon scout and I were at each others throat, nerves mostly, I suggested we settle it in the ring.”

“A real gentleman.”

“It was brutal nine rounds. I had reach but she had flexibility. It ended a draw. There was a lot of unhappy betters in the gym.”

He felt himself blurt out the next words, cursing the amount he had to drink, “We ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. More than one way to work off stress.”

He suddenly interested himself in his drink and he missed Shepard taking a swig of her own. Her hand was on his chest and he found himself looking up at her, seeing a heat in her eyes that left his throat dry.

“You know Garrus,” fingers splayed against his shirt as she shifted herself onto her knees, “It sounds like you’re carrying some tension.”

“I… uh…” his mind froze as she ran her fingers across a seam, “… didn’t know you felt like sparring.”

“Not what I meant,” suddenly she was in his lap and he instinctively wrapped his arms around his waist before freezing.

“We could skip right to the tiebreaker,” her hand was on his shoulder, her other hand still holding her drink as she winked at him.

“We could test your reach and my flexibility.”

Before he could answer he felt her thighs tighten around his waist, causing him to whimper in need. Suddenly she was twisting her spine around, her whole body curling backwards as she put her glass down on her coffee table to straighten herself out to look at him, her butt cradled by his thighs.

“Oh,” his mandibles were wide, “I… uh… didn’t think you liked turians.”

She started to shift off of him, a flash of pain behind her eyes. He quickly tightened his grip, wishing that he wasn’t so tipsy before suddenly being fascinated by the way her collarbone peaked through the hem of her shirt.

“There’s no one I trust more in this Galaxy besides you,” he was so aware of the way her body shifted, her stomach gently brushing against his carapace with each inhale, “If we can figure out how to make this work, then yeah…”

He felt her fingers on his crest, gently holding it to keep upright.

“Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. It's been a struggle.


	10. The Silence before Thunder

“So happy with the new toy?” Shepard asked, eyes appreciating his form and only offering him a small smile at the way he tilted his head.

“The dinky pistol you keep for some reason is a toy,” Garrus said, his eyes firmly stuck on her waist, “This is a war machine.”

“How’d the armaments come in?”

His mandibles flared out and she returned with a heated grin of her own. It was a bit exhilarating, to finally face the attraction they both had for each other. There were still doubts Garrus struggled with, that such a prominent human could really want such a fucked up turian as himself but when she was here he felt like he could drown in her.

“The weapon upgrade came in beautifully,” Garrus said and Shepard could swear there was heat behind his eyes at her question before he responded with what Shepard could only describe as flirty.

“I’m sure she’ll pack a hell of a punch.”

That’s when she was certain he wasn’t talking about the Normandy.

Her face grew hot and she felt her joints grow loose. A giggle bubbled up inside of her before she began to tuck her hair behind her ear with a fervent hand.

“I…” she was flustered, her hand refusing to rest as it moved from its place on her arm to her wait and back up again, “you too.”

“I mean,” her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose before suddenly blurting out, “I gotta go, this was real great. I’ll see you later.”

Then she was gone, giving an exasperated sigh before the door closed and blocked her retreating figure. Garrus just gave a pleased noise, filing this memory well into his mind.

* * *

“You know, people say Garrus really likes you but I can never tell with turians,” Kasumi said while zipping up the back to Shepard’s dress, “I think you should go for it, a lot of people would like to see you together.”

“I…” Shepard felt her hand tighten a bit, “Thank you?”

“You deserve to be happy Shep,” was all she said while straightening out her dress.

"Aren’t we supposed to be dressing me up for your theft?” Shepard asked and Kasumi just waved her hands, dismissing her complaints.

“Gotta do girl talk at the same time,” she shrugged before stepping back, Shepard awkwardly holding her arms out as she looked down at herself.

The dress hugged her form, Shepard didn't even want to think about how Kasumi knew her measurements so well. Her hand absentmindedly rested on the metal ornament resting just on her collarbone while shifting in her heels.

“I feel ridiculous.”

“Don’t say that,” Kasumi said, starting to brush her hair, “If you feel awkward you’ll be awkward.”

“Let’s just get going,” Shepard said, her spine being pulled upwards on a metaphorical string.

They both made their way down to the sky car waiting for them, just before heading off to start the heist Kasumi just leaned over and said, “If you really want to wow Garrus I’d recommend this.”

“It’s better than that pair of overalls you own.”

* * *

Shepard’s arms lay across on her stomach, heels tumbling to the floor as she law there in her bed staring up. Her legs crossed without much thought and Shepard just sighed, wiggling her toes while her mind was filled with the mission to Bekenstein.

The realization that the encryption to Keiji’s greybox was stuck in Kasumi’s head was one that she suspected since Hock’s notes in his room and she was certain Kasumi figured it out then as well.

She looked so torn in the shuttle back, Kasumi looking to Shepard for guidance. Shepard knew at that moment that if she said to then Kasumi would tear up every memory she had of Keiji. Shepard told her to keep it.

Shepard pushed herself up, her feet pressing against the cool metal as she found herself leaving the loft into the elevator. She barely noticed the late hour as the elevator rode for two floors, pushing past the cafeteria to go to the Gun Battery.

“Garrus,” she breathed out and while he whipped around in shock Shepard was struck by how odd she must look.

His eyes moved down her body before awkwardly snapping to her face, his mandibles tight against his face, “Do you need me for something?”

“I…” Shepard looked at him, her face softening before quietly saying, “Do you have a moment.”

His body went rigid, awkwardly looking behind her before closing the door.

Words built up in his throat before tripping out, “Y..yeah.”

“About what we talked about before,” his mandibles chattered for a moment before continuing, “About easing tension.”

“I’ve never considered cross-species intercourse,” he said before groaning, “and damn saying it that way makes it seem dry and clinical.”

Shepard looked him int he eye and he felt himself drift away for a second before continuing, “Surely you can find something closer to home.”

There it was, the crux of the matter.

Shepard could have anyone - hell there were probably more than enough on this ship alone interested in her - why would she turn to him.

Garrus knew his abilities, he knew what he was good at. He certainly had his own confidence in some things but when he looked at himself, really looked, he didn’t like what he saw.

“I don’t want someone closer to home,” her voice was so soft but her expression screamed at him, “I want you, I want someone I can trust.”

“I… I can do that,” he said, with a little push behind his words, “I’ll do some research and figure out to get this done.”

“It’ll either be a night to remember or a horrible interspecies awkwardness thing.”

“Either way fighting the Collector’s will be a welcome distraction.”

She just smiled at him, some of the weight around her eyes letting go a little then it was replaced with concern and she reached out to rest her hand against his shoulder.

“Hey,” she said, “If you’re not comfortable with this then we can stop. I’m not here to pressure you.

He froze before looking her over, seeing the way her exhaustion showed on her face with hair flying away from her head. Her legs that stuck out from the black dress hugging her form to root into the ground with bare feet.

Garrus knew his answer.

“You never have to worry about making me uncomfortable,” Garrus leaned into her hand reassuringly (or so he hoped), “Nervous yes but never uncomfortable.”

A wicked smile spread across her face as she leaned back, arms crossing while looking at him in amusement, “So when should I book the room?”

“I’d wait if that’s okay, try to find some calm just before the storm,” as he said the next sentence he could feel himself cringing halfway through, “You know me, I always like to savour the last shot before popping the heat sink.”

“That went somewhere awful.”

He sighed with his eyes closed, thrumming in embarrassment before making a pleased noise at Shepard’s quiet laugh.

“I’ll leave you be,” Shepard said, shuffling out of the room backwards before the door closed behind her.

“Because I’m in a great spot to optimize firing algorithms right now,” he murmured to himself before pulling up the pamphlets Mordin already attacked him with.

He wanted this to be a night to remember and he knew what he had to do.

* * *

“Leave it,” Tali snapped at Shepard looking at the geth body, “You know what they are, if it gets into Normandy’s computers.”

“You said a few years ago,” Shepard said, “No one has found one intact.”

“I’m not sure it’s worth the risk,” was all Tali could offer but Shepard just grabbed the geth’s arm.

“We don’t have time, grab him.”

Garrus grabbed the other arm and they both hoisted it onto their shoulders.

“Open the port side airlock.”

They threw the geth toward the ship, watching the limp body crash against the wall. Shepard pushed both Garrus and Tali before backing up a few spaces and taking a running leap into the door. The weightlessness hit her and her breath caught in her throat, eyes closing shut to keep the bombardment of memories from Alchera. Just as she passed through the doorway, she felt something pull her towards Garrus, it took her a few moments of catching her breath to realize it was Garrus’ hand tightly around her arm.

“I’m going to take this downstairs,” Tali said, hoisting the geth onto her back.

“You okay?” Garrus asked with his grip tight on her armour.

“Yeah,” she gasped for air, not quite believing it herself.

He hesitantly pulled his hand away, Shepard rightening herself up before heading to the Armoury. After a debriefing, Shepard quickly made her way to the AI core, barely even debating her decision as she reactivated the geth.

As she shook ‘Legion’s’ hand she didn’t doubt she did the right thing.

* * *

Garrus was pretty sure what Shepard was going to decide. The geth spoke of doubt, unsure of whether to rewrite or destoy. He knew as soon as the words came out of its electronic mouth that Shepard would choose to rewrite the Geth.

This seemed like a mirror of Noveria. Shepard had a habit of grabbing what seemed like the well-known truths of the world to shake it and show that it was nothing like it seemed.

_“I won’t do that,” Shepard said at the console, hands tightening as she looked so tired, “I won’t brainwash your entire race.”_

_“Acknowledged,” Legion said, quickly setting the ship to self-destruct._

Garrus couldn’t get that moment out of his head. Did he just not understand Shepard as well as he thought? Or was it just that situation in general.

It wasn’t until they were all cramped in a shuttle - Tali and Legion awkwardly squished together especially after their fight earlier - that Garrus finally managed to ask, shooting a message to Shepard.

_Why did you kill the geth?_

Garrus’ foot tapped against the ground as he watched that bouncing text message stating she’s typing. It popped into view and Garrus had to stop himself from jumping in anticipation.

_I won’t take away someone’s choice like that_.

Garrus just stared at those words until the pilot snapped his head around to call to the back, “Commander you’ll want to hear this.”

“... IFF was a trap, the ship was boarded by Collectors…” EDI’s voice filled the shuttle and he could feel the tension radiating from Shepard.

“Get back to the Normandy,” Shepard’s voice was firm and the pilot heeded her instructions.

The air in the shuttle suddenly grew thick, no one daring to break the silence. Shepard just looked blankly forward, the only sign that she was anxious was her tapping foot against the floor.

“They better not have touched my shit,” Jack finally burst out with and Garrus felt some tension ebb.

“Why would they touch your things,” Miranda immediately interjected and Shepard laughed, her face determined as the silence came again.

Spirits, Garrus thought, it’s finally time. The second they were back and assuming the IFF worked there was no reason to not go after the Collectors after this. He looked over to Shepard, running through his plan again for their one moment of peace before the final battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got some time off to write, sorry about the wait.


	11. Moment for Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entirely NSFW chapter.
> 
> EDITED : 12/11/20  
> I edited this, there were parts I was unhappy with.

His hand tightened, making a fist above the door before lowering it for a second. He gathered his courage and he opened the door, feeling the humidity radiate from the bathroom. He felt his grip tightened around the wine bottle.

Maybe she didn’t even like wine. Maybe he should have brought something stronger. She mentioned the cybernetics affecting how alcohol affected her but handing a bottle of vodka or rum left a bad implication.

He wanted to give her something nice - something date-like - not imply that this was determined to be something they had to be piss drunk for.

He put the bottle down on the counter and was about to pick it up again when the bathroom door opened. A sweet smell radiated from her head as her head moved, staring at him with a heat he was still unused to.

“Garrus,” her voice was soft and she crossed the space between them in a heartbeat.

His planned pickup line never left his mouth as her hands were on his waist, the tips of her fingers just barely pressing into the sensitive skin to leave him aching for more.

“If you were a…” was all he managed to get out before her lips were on his, her fingers gripping harder into him and he couldn’t help the whimper that left him.

His hands settled onto her waist before pulling her close. She peppered kisses against his neck before sucking the skin. Garrus' hands tightened their grip on her as they slid under her shirt to pull her as close as he possibly could.

"Good spot?" she murmured, not waiting for an answer before kissing there again and Garrus audibly whined as her tongue dragged against the skin with his subharmonics beginning a steady rumble.

“You’re vibrating,” her voice was so soft, fingers trailing across the latches in his shirt, “Sex toy mode?”

He laughed, she giggling as well. Her hand slipped into his and she pulled him along. He followed her - as he always would - walking down the stairs with her.

Her hands were back on his chest, his own on her waist with his thumb rubbing into the side of her stomach. She trailed her hands up to his shoulders while looking up at him.

“Garrus?” her murmur was husky and he felt himself sink into her voice.

He hummed in response, pulling her closer. She smiled at him before reaching up and pressing her lips against his.

He froze unsure what to do before awkwardly pressing his lips against hers. He must have done something right as her eyes twinkled, her tongue slowly dragging across his upper lip.

“Shepard,” his eyes closed as he groaned while her fingers began massaging the back of his head, “How do we do this?”

“Well typically,” she smiled while pulling away, her eyes sparkling in a way that made that fire inside of him burn larger, “I take off my clothes, you take off yours then we just.”

She made a hole with her fingers and moved her pointer on her other hand to go into it. He grabbed her hand before she could make a demonstration. Her wicked laugh suddenly stopped as he pulled her wrist to his mouth, nuzzling her palm.

Her heart-rate was in the roof, Garrus noticed, her pupils dark and heady as her eyes pierced through him. The second he let go of her hand they moved to the hem of her shirt, quickly pulling it off her head and tossing it to the side. Her body was flushed, the bra on her chest shifting hypnotically.

Her chest heaved, Garrus’ eyes noticing her collarbone shifting out of her skin and he suddenly froze. Snapping out of it at her awkward laugh his hands moving up to unclasp his own shirt to toss to the side. His gloves followed his shirt, his hand on her waist as he pulled her close again. His tongue trailing across her collarbone to move up her neck.

Her breath hitched, whimpering as she grabbed his chest. He felt her fingers gently trail against his plates, massaging the bare skin between plates.

She walked backwards to the bed, eyes on him as he followed with his hands still on her waist. Shepard gave a small noise of surprise as the bed hit the back of her legs, falling back onto the mattress and Garrus toppled over with her.

He caught himself before crushing her with his body, watching the surprise on Shepard’s face for a split second as she grabbed his shoulders.

“I forgot my bed was there,” she confessed a bit awkwardly before her voice dropped, desire on her face as she looked at him, “There was something distracting right in front of me.”

Garrus looked at her.

Seeing the curve of her ribs shift under skin with each breath captivated him. His thumb trailed across the lowest rib hanging above her stomach before his hands slowly trailing down her waist. He felt Shepard’s body under his grip tighten and relax with each breath, the slow natural flow of her body, and he was struck by how alive she was.

And how mortal she really was.

Something swelled up in his chest, a mix of warmth and fear. He had already lost her once and in another near two hours he might lose her again. Even if everything turned out fine in the suicide mission he knew he’d just fuck things up. He always did.

Whenever he thought he had things down, that things were going his way, the universe took all his work and shredded it up just to dump in his lap to cruelly remind him how hopeless it was to hope.

He was knocked out of his thoughts as her hands rested on his lower carapace, just pressing enough into him that he could feel the heat of her body.

Nerves began to rumble inside of him before finally choking out, “If you were a turian I’d compliment your waist or fringe. So your hair looks good…”

He tried to sound suave, she said something about his voice sounding good maybe he could bank on that.

“and your waist is very supportive.”

As she just stared at him he felt panic tinge his voice, “Hopefully that’s not offensive in human culture. I knew…”

“Whoa,” her voice was a bit dry and her hands slipped up his chest to lace together behind his head, “Considered me seduced smooth talker.”

“Now stop worrying.”

“I just…” Garrus deflated, Shepard’s hands moving to his shoulders while the two of them shifted into a sitting position.

“I’ve seen so many things go wrong,” he confessed, “My work at C-SEC, Sidonis. I want something to go right just once.”

“Just…”

Her hand was on his cheek, thumb trailing across the scar there. Her face had a soft expression and he could sense her really looking at him, looking past everything to a part of him he didn’t know any more. Something warm built in his chest and he leaned his head forward, his forehead pressing against hers. She pressed back and he felt himself melt, that fear of it going wrong ebbing away as he was consumed by Shepard.

“Just so you know,” he felt her hot breath against his mandible, “This is going very well. I don’t take off my shirt for just anyone.”

“I thought so,” he let her push him into the bed, “Just didn’t want to assume too much.”

She reached around to her back, arms shifts as she fiddled with something there before the bra became loose to trail down her arms. She tossed it to the side and Garrus wasn’t sure how to feel about the newly revealed skin above him.

“Shepard,” he felt himself ache, “Please, show me how to touch you.”

She laughed before reaching up, Garrus just watching as she pinched and rolled her nipples with her fingers. A breathy whimper left her mouth before reaching down to grab his hand, leading them up to her chest as he tried to mimic the movements.

“Just a bit gentler,” she said and he loosened his grip, doing his best to not hurt her.

A soft whimper came from her, hips awkwardly beginning to rock as he trailed a tongue across a hard nipple. Shepard began to massage the back of his head and he started to drown in Shepard’s noises of pleasure.

“Garrus.”

Her voice was pleading, something he could never even imagined. Sweat trailed down her sternum, Garrus absent-mindedly licking it. Her legs shifted, her arousal hanging around her in a curtain of smell that had his plates shift open.

His cock slid out and Shepard gasped in surprise, her hands letting go of his head to grasp the sheets underneath.

“Is that a gun or are you…” Shepard gave him a wicked grin, her hips rocking against him as he gave a strangled moan, “just happy to see me.”

“I did mention heat sinks before.”

She laughed, feeling the reverberation spread through his chest before she reached up to pull away with his hands still on her breasts.

“I think it’s no pants time,” She pressed a kiss to his palm before easing off of him, Garrus whipping up to immediately struggle with taking off his pants.

He practically tripped himself, desperately trying to undo the latches that trailed down his legs. It didn’t help that Shepard threw her pants at him, something lacy following after as the room was immediately filled with the smell of her arousal. His cock throbbed in the cool air as he turned to see Shepard with her legs curled up underneath her, a position that would guarantee a turian getting stabbed in the ass by their spurs.

She patted the bed next to her and he stepped towards her, the two of them tumbling together as he carefully perched himself over her with both his hands next to her head. Her face was next to his as he leant over to nuzzle her cheek, a hand reaching down to slip between her legs.

Her legs parted and Garrus parted her lips with a whine in his throat as his fingers became coated with her. Her breath held in her throat as he brushed against a nub at the top of her. He remembered his research, rubbing right next to it as he remembered reading that it might be too much to rub her clit directly.

Her hand grasped his arm and the other grabbed a fistful of sheets while Garrus switched his thumb to rub at her clit, his other finger trailing down and trying to find her entrance. His finger slipped inside of her as soon as he found it, taking note of how far down it was as he felt her squeeze around his finger.

Shepard began to pant, a whine in her throat as she began to writhe underneath him. As he began to gently rub her walls, looking for that spot he read about, he tried to not think too hard about how she’d feel wrapped around his cock.

“Spirits,” he whispered as his cock twitched at the high-pitched whine coming from her throat and the way she was getting wetter. 

Her hand tightened it’s grip on his arm as she gave a shuddering cry at the way he pushed into her, her body shaking as she clamped around his finger painfully. Her hips rocked into his hand as she rumbled through the after-shocks of her orgasm.

She sighed as he pulled his fingers out, Garrus absent-mindedly rubbing his fingers together as he watched her fluids shift on his finger. Her legs lifted up to rest on his hips, pulling him close as he felt his cock brush against her entrance.

“It’ll be alright,” was all she said before he sank into her, feeling the way her cunt squeezed around her as he eased himself in.

Her face scrunched up and he froze, feeling her shift her hips until she rose them slightly and he easily pushed the rest of him into her. She reached up behind her, trying to reach the pillow there but falling just short. Garrus easily grabbed it, a cocky grin on his face as he eased it under her ass.

“I gotta remember to toss that,” she murmured before pushing at his chest, “And stop being such an ass, Vakarian.”

“Reach,” he rasped as he rocked his hips, feeling her thighs twitch as his cock pulled out of her.

Her breath would catch in her throat with each push he made and his hands tightened their grip on her hips as he eased out. He felt the world swirl around him, everything he knew to be real was Shepard’s body clinging to his.

He knew he wouldn’t last long but if he could just feel her come undone around him he would be satisfied. His thumb began to rub at her clit, Shepard clenching around him and he felt his hip snap forward. She squealed as his hips pressed against hers with her fluids coating both their thighs at thrust inside of her.

He dragged his tongue against the sweat trailing down her throat, nuzzling the pulse there and she quickly shuddered underneath him. She milked his cock with a rhythmic pulse and he quickly followed her over the edge, his eyes closing against the stimulation flushing through his body.

He slowly eased out of her as he came back to, Shepard whimpering as his semen slowly began to ooze out of her. He tried to push himself up to find a towel or anything to clean her up but she just grasped him, slowly easing him to lay down next to him.

“Stay.”

She curled up next to him, the smell of sweat and sex mixing in the air. He just enjoyed her presence, feeling her fingers trail against his chest.


	12. Into the Abyss

The air was oppressive, Garrus kept himself from digging his fingers into the edge of the console. His mind bounced between formulas to the feel of Shepard’s hand on his face. He kept remembering that dream after getting hit with the rocket, Shepard gently pleading him to wake up.

He knew there’d be nothing to pull them back here if they fail.

“We’re hitting the relay.” Joker’s voice rang through the intercom and Garrus kept his eyes on the panel in front of him, expecting a fight almost immediately.

“Drive core just lit up like a Christmas tree,” Jacob added.

There was that sudden surge of momentum he associated with relay jumping, the inertia that shields couldn’t fully dampen. He felt it all stop as they landed in the galactic core, his talons tight against the console as he began to check his calibrations again. Garrus kept an eye on power levels, keeping the gun balanced with the power that engineering could give him.

“Looks like the remnants of ships,” Joker said, “Some of these look ancient.”

“There is something showing up on scanners on the edge of the accretion disk.”

“Must be the Collector’s base,” Shepard added, “Take us in.”

There was anticipation, the calm before the storm, right before the storm hit them. The ship shuddered under fire as Garrus quickly waited for the Normandy’s first shot so he could quickly balance whatever he had to and keep them shooting.

The air around the gun whined for a split second, his plates tingling with static electricity before everything was just gone. His fingers flew across the keyboard, only pulling away when the air began to scream again.

“As long as the new plating holds,” Miranda said through the comm.

There was a shudder from below him and he felt his balance shift, catching himself off the edge of the console. He could hear a faint groan, an alert blaring on this visor as EDI warned the entire ship of a breach in the cargo bay.

“Garrus, Thane,” Shepard’s voice rang out, “Cargo bay now. Legion, take over the Gun Battery.”

He turned around on instinct, grabbing his sniper rifle where he left it by the door. He passed Legion by the sleeper pods while he ran to the elevator. Thane was already there, waiting for the elevator.

The doors opened to show Shepard, the two of them joining her and the elevator slowly went down.

“Piece of shit,” Shepard fired a command into the elevator’s console and they jolted a bit with the sudden speed.

The door opened to the cargo bay and they all immediately dashed to cover. Shepard eased out her Collector particle beam, waiting for whatever was down here to appear.

They didn’t have to wait long, a large sphere coming in through one of the holes. The subtle whirl of mechanics shifting rumbled from its great red eye as it looked at Shepard behind cover before a beam shot from it, heat radiating from the cargo it hit with molten metal dripping down to the floor.

Thane and Garrus both shot at it, their bullets ringing out as their ricocheted off the Oculus’ tough outer shell. It froze for a moment, it’s beam stopping, and Shepard leant out to shoot at it with the collector beam.

Thane’s fist glowed before he shot it out, a warp trailing from his hand over to the Oculus. Following his lead Shepard reaved it as well, a small tear began to grow where both biotics hit the orb. Garrus shot there as well, a few chips beginning to wear in its armour.

It gave what almost sounded like an aggravated groan before drifting through one of the holes in the walls, more debris drifting by with every second.

“Shepard,” Joker called in, “I gotta go into the debris field to shake them off.”

“Grab a hold of something,” Shepard cried out, Garrus stumbling next to her as the ship suddenly shuddered.

Their bodies shook with each impact of debris against the Normandy, her hand mindlessly slipping into his for a split second and he squeezed it hoping that she could feel the pressure under her armour.

That it reassured her.

“Shepard,” Joker’s voice called out, “That thing’s back.”

Her hand slipped out of his and she was immediately frustrated as she shouted into the echoing cargo bay.

“Fuck that thing.”

“Siha,” Thane warned as the orb returned.

“For fuck’s sake.”

* * *

Shepard ran through the CIC to the bridge, armoured feet thudding against the metal ground. With each push forward she felt her breath ease out in tiny puffs. She shuddered to a stop behind the pilot’s chair before reaching up to grasp the leather back.

“Good timing, Shep,” Joker said, “Looks like they’re sending an old friend to greet us.”

The Collector base floated in a clearing, glowing an ominous red, while the Collector ship drifted towards them with its weapon heating up.

“Time to show our new teeth,” Shepard said, the corners of her mouth crinkling with her teeth poking through her lips, “Fire the main gun.”

She felt her hair stand up, electricity building up again through the ship before it was gone. Ozone filled the air as the Thanix cannon shot a beam right towards the Collector ship. Fire began to build on it’s rocky outside, the shot piercing through the ship.

“How’d you like that you sons of bitches,” Joker gleefully shouted, getting about a year’s worth of therapy from the Collector’s ships hull beginning to shatter.

“Finish them off.”

“Gladly.”

Their enemy drifted towards them, their weapons firing up in a last-ditch attempt. The Normandy danced just beyond the reach of its weapon before drawing close at Shepard’s command.

“Go in close and finish them off.”

“Everybody hold on,” Joker’s voice rang through the ship, “It’s going to be a wild ride!”

The Thanix charged up again, the hair standing up on Shepard’s neck, before firing. Explosions began to below from the ship as the Collector ship announced it’s destruction with a big fiery death.

Then the Normandy shuddered as the shockwave hit it, Joker’s hands flying across the screen as he tried to stabilize it. Shepard and Miranda were both thrown side to side, only barely standing upright. Then the Normandy hit a support beam jutting from the Collector base, the Normandy spinning out of control at the impact.

It dragged to a stop on the hull, a horrific metal screeching filling the Normandy and Shepard slapped her hands on her ears to force it out.

“You okay Joker?” she asked as the ship finally stopped.

“I think a broke a rib,” he groaned, hand clasped to his chest as he pushed himself back into a sitting position before whimpering, “or all of them.”

“Call everyone to the conference room,” Shepard said, “things just got a bit dicier.”

* * *

“This isn’t how we planned this,” Shepard said, moving through the people crowded around the table, “But this is where we are. We can’t worry whether we can make it home, we’re here to stop the Collectors and that means taking out this station.”

“Bring up the scans.”

“You can overload their critical systems if you make it to the Control Centre here,” EDI’s voice rang out, an arrow pointing out where on the hologram.

“There are two main paths,” Kasumi added, putting her thoughts in, “You’d pass by that big energy signature there.”

“That’s the main hall,” Shepard said, “I’m guessing. If any of the colonists or our crew are alive they should be in there.”

“Might be smart to split into two groups,” Garrus added, “split up their forces.”

“No good,” Miranda leant forward, “Both those doors are locked from the other side.”

“It’s not a fortress,” Shepard threw a fist against the table, becoming annoyed with the pessimism of her crew, “Here, we can send someone through the vent here to get the door open.”

“Practically a suicide mission,” Jacob said, leaning back, “I volunteer.”

"I appreciate it Jacob but you couldn't get the doors open in time," Miranda said, "we'd need someone experienced in tech."

Shepard saw both Tali and Kasumi straighten up as she leant forward.

"Legion," she said as she decided, "I need you to get that door open."

"Acknowledged," was all the geth said but if Garrus didn't know better he would've said the Ai's pose was warm to Shepard.

To their credit, neither Tali nor Kasumi seemed to be annoyed or their masks - literal or metaphorical - hid it

“We’ll split into two teams and meet up back here,” Shepard quickly showed on the diagram.

“I can lead the second squad,” Miranda stepped forward.

“No one wants to take orders from you,” Jack said and Shepard saw Garrus nod beside her.

Damn Garrus, she thought, the fuck did Miranda do besides the obvious.

“This isn’t a popularity contest,” Miranda defended, “Lives are at stake. You need someone who can command leadership through experience.”

“Thank you for that,” Shepard said, her eyes flickering to Garrus as Miranda’s words rumbled through her mind.

“Garrus,” she finally said, the turian only giving away his surprise with a slight twitch of his mandibles, “You’ll lead the other fire team.”

Garrus remembered what she told him before, reassuring him of his doubts.

_I don’t want someone closer to home. I want you, I want someone I can trust._

Spirits if this wasn't trust.

“I got it, Shepard," he confidently said, placing his trust in her in return, "I'll meet you on the other side."

“At least he knows what he’s doing,” Miranda muttered and the crew ignored her

The hologram in front of them disappeared and Shepard stepped forward, all eyes on her.

Their minds ran through everything she did for every crew member to clear their minds, a burn of pride in Garrus' chest that no one else could bring them this far or even further.

"They've taken good people, we may lose more," Shepard said and they all stood firm, "I don't know how many colonists they've taken."

"Ten thousand? Hundred thousand? It doesn't matter."

"All that matters is not. one. more," Shepard gestured, "That's what we can do, right here right now."

"They want to know what we're made of?"

"I say we show them, on our terms," Shepard finished, Grunt raring to go, "let's make history like no one else can."

In the flurry of bodies splitting into two teams, they only had a single stolen moment with their hands grasping each other for a split second before separating. He barely felt it through his armour but a pleasant burn ran up his arm. An unpleasant rumble of anxiety brewed in his stomach before he swallowed it down, only glancing over once to see Shepard descend into the base once before focusing on getting his team through the gauntlet.


	13. Our Faith in You

“Nice shot!” Garrus called out as the Collector’s head exploded, Jacob barely holding back the smile at the praise.

“Shepard-Commander,” Legion’s voice rang out through the calm, “We have reached another barrier.”

“On it,” she responded before the tell-tale frizz of Shepard’s biotics charging her towards the next enemy.

“Moving forward,” the geth said as Garrus assumed she’d hit the vent’s controls.

The familiar pat of husk’s feet against the ground moved towards them with that groan growing louder.

“Husks!” he called out, “Jack, shockwave.”

“My pleasure,” there was a wicked grin on her face as her biotics exploding in a row in front of her, throwing the husks high into the air.

“We’re almost there,” he called out, “Just a bit further.”

He followed up the rear, not letting anyone come close, “Scoped and dropped!” he cried out as another Collector went down.

With a push of a button, Samara opened the door, everyone swarming through after her. Garrus stood at the door, covering fire as Tali opened the vent into the room for Legion and the Geth was by his side trying to close the door before Collectors could attack them from behind.

“Come in,” Shepard’s voice rumbled over the comm.

“Look out,” he called out at the door they came through, “Seeker swarms.”

Legion’s hands blurred over the screen as it moved its hands at a speed an organic could not replicate.

“We’re in position,” the sounds of bullets filled the comms as well, “We need this door open now.”

Garrus quickly gestured for the geth to go to the other door, “Go. We’ll cover you.”

The geth kneeled and quickly pulled up a screen, light flickering as that robotic geth noise came from the unit. It’s ‘eye’ whirled before the door opened and Shepard, Kasumi, and Thane pushed in.

“Here they come!”

Garrus was by her side, falling into place on instinct as he raised his gun.

“Suppressing fire,” he called out, the group quickly taking aim, “Don’t let anyone through that door.”

The sounds of their gun rang out until Legion got the door closed, Shepard giving a grateful smile to the geth.

“Good job, Legion,” she said, “I knew you wouldn’t let me down.”

“Shepard,” Thane said, “you might want to see this.”

Shepard turned around to see pods lining up all up the walls. Shepard turning her head to the side to see a woman in one of them.

“One of the colonists.”

Shepard brushed a hand against the glass, Thane announcing the crew just a bit further.

Then her skin began to turn black, muffled screams coming through the glass as she tried to pound her way into freedom. Garrus felt disgust build up in his subharmonics, rumbling through his body as an instinctual warning to others while Shepard tried helplessly to open the pod. Blood and gore splattered against the walls and Shepard’s eyes opened wide while stepping back.

“Get them out of there now!”

Garrus was at one of the pods without a thought, his hands gripping the side as he pulled. A creak began from the seal before he lid came off, Garrus trying to not fall over with the sudden shift of momentum. He tossed it to the side and tried to catch the crew member before they tumbled to the ground.

Shepard pried open the last one and Dr Chakwas fell into her grip before sliding down to the ground.

“Dr Chakwas. You okay?”

“Shepard,” Dr Chakwas’ voice was coarse, rough with disuse, “you came for us.”

“No one gets left behind.”

“If you were a few seconds later…” Kelly said before shaking her head as Shepard helped Chakwas up, “I don’t even want to think about it.”

“The colonists,” she said, “Their bodies were processed… those tiny robots liquefied their bodies into a grey paste.”

Garrus saw Shepard’s eyebrows pinch before touching Chakwas’ shoulder.

“I don’t know what they’re doing,” she finally said, “But it ends today.”

“We’ve done well so far,” Miranda said, “Let’s hope we can finish the job.”

“The tubes above you lead into the main control room,” Joker said, “The path you’re on is blocked at the far end but there is a secondary room next to it.”

“I cannot recommend it,” EDI added, “Thermal scans indicate it is full of Seeker swarms. Mordin’s countermeasure cannot protect against so many.”

“What about biotics?” Shepard asked, “Keep them away with a bubble.”

“Yes,” Samara said, “I wouldn’t be able to protect all of us but we could get a small team through.”

“I could too,” Miranda said, “in theory, any biotic could.”

Shepard’s eyes closed her mind racing before opening them up again. She looked over everyone before turning to Jack.

“I’m counting on you Jack,” was all she said but the human biotic just nodded, her face determined.

“Who’ll lead the second team?” Jacob asked and Samara stepped forward.

“If I may Shepard. Garrus did an excellent job leading us here,” she said, “I would gladly walk into fire with him again.”

Garrus wanted to say something but couldn’t. He just watched everyone (some rather reluctantly) affirm their assent. Shepard just watched them, swallowing past the thick feeling in her throat before nodding.

“Understood,” a turian would be the only one to hear how overwhelmed he was but he had a feeling Shepard knew, “I’ll keep them busy while you slip around.”

He quickly organized the ones that Shepard wasn’t taking, making a mental note of their strengths and weaknesses. Mordin left with the rest of the crew, leading them back to the ship.

* * *

“Can’t hold on,” Jack’s voice was nearly a whimper, the strain of fighting against so many pushing against her barrier was breaking crack’s in her hard shell.

“We’re almost there,” Shepard said, “I see the exit.”

Legion and Thane just fired at the Collector’s flying into the fray, a reave hitting Harbinger as he overwhelmed another Collector. The familiar groan of husks greeted them, hoisting themselves over the edge to charge at them with their uncomfortable gait.

“Bowling for husks,” was all Shepard exclaimed before letting loose a shockwave, the rotten tech-infused bodies of husks flying every direction and splattering with a wet noise.

They kept moving, reaching a line of cover that lead down to the door. Shepard quickly launched over it, shooting at Collector’s as they began to speed up for the door. Sweat poured down Jack’s face and her barrier shrank just an inch. Shepard looked to see Jack immediately pull all of her biotics in, something fierce on her face before she pushed it all out.

The barrier pushed against the swarm, bodies dropping to the ground as the impact killed them. Jack gave a cocky grin as Shepard just gave the woman a congratulatory pat on the back before heading to open the door for the other team.

“Do you copy?” Garrus’ voice suddenly fizzed into her comm as they broke free of the Swarms dampening effects, “C’mon Shepard. Where are you?”

“I’m here,” Shepard said, looking around on instinct, “What about you?”

“On the other side of the door,” he said and she immediately directed Legion to the door as anxiety began to brew in her chest, “We’re pinned down, taking heavy fire.”

Did she just send Garrus to die?

Her back pressed against the wall next to the door, barely hearing herself as she reassured them the door would be open. It opened and she bit back a whimper, seeing the turian grasp his stomach with one hand while shooting.

The door slammed close, everyone on the other side while Shepard ran to Garrus. Her hands shook above his on his stomach before he straightened himself with a pained exhale.

“I’m fine,” he said, the glint of medi-gel on his stomach.

She just patted his shoulder before moving forward, wishing she could do more.

EDI chimed in with “Mordin’s group arrived Shepard, no casualties,” and she exhaled some of that swirling emotion in her stomach.

“What’s next?”

“There are platforms that lead down to the main Control Centre,” EDI said, “From there you can overlord the system and destroy the base.

“Commander,” Joker added, his voice taking that edge it did whenever he had bad news, “Collectors are massing just outside the door.”

“A rearguard can hold this position,” Shepard said while stepping up onto the platform, “Keep the Collector’s from attacking us from behind.”

“Miranda,” she gestured for her to go up before turning to Garrus, “Garrus.”

“Let’s finish this,” Miranda said while Garrus lifted himself up next to her.

“On your six.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to write the speech Shep gives before going after the reaper. It was ending up as too many words. Suicide mission was supposed to be two chapters and look at me now, nothing more than a fool.


	14. Hop, Skip, and a Leap

“Please don’t charge it,” Garrus pleaded as they huddled behind the same cover.

“That’s no fun,” She pushed at his shoulder before standing up, aiming her Collector rifle at the tubes holding the proto-Reaper up.

“You’d think a Colossus would be enough for you.”

“Gotta go fast,” was all she said before shooting the last tube, the reaper collapsing onto the platform before slipping into the abyss below them.

“C’mon,” she said, “let’s blow this base.”

They made their way to the control centre, Shepard pulling the controls up from it’s resting spot in the ground. Garrus got the detonator ready. Miranda’s omni-tool began to ring, the woman pulling up a hologram of the Illusive Man.

“You gotta be…” Shepard muttered before standing up.

“Shepard, you’ve done the impossible.”

“Not yet,” she said, “Still gotta blow this place.”

“You don’t have to,” Shepard’s foot tapped against the ground while the Illusive man took a long drag from his cigarette, “EDI’s scans show that if we detonate an EM pulse here it would kill the remaining Collector’s and leave the base intact.”

“Why would I do that? This place is an abomination, it needs to be destroyed.”

“Think about it,” he said, “They were building a Reaper. That information, that framework could be vital.”

“You’re completely ruthless,” Shepard said, “next thing I know you’ll want to build your own Reaper. ”

“I told you I wouldn’t wait until the Reapers were on the move,” the Illusive Man said, “How many lives could we save with this technology.”

“I won’t let fear sacrifice who I am."

“Miranda, stop her.”

Garrus felt himself tense up, moving closer to Shepard. He refused to take his eyes off Miranda, waiting for her to make a move so he could kill her before she hurt Shepard. He found that something to go right, he’d kill to keep her safe.

Instead, Miranda just said with a heavy sigh, “Then consider this my resignation.”

“You’ll…” Miranda cut him off, turning off her omni-tool.

She handed Shepard the explosive and Shepard fastened it into place before sealing it back into the platform.

“Base is rigged to explode in ten minutes,” EDI said before the platforms underneath their feet began to rumble.

The human Reaper pushed itself up and over the edge, staring at them with those unnerving eyes. They all pulled their weapons before finding cover.

“Think I can charge it?” Shepard asked and Garrus just groaned in response.

* * *

The human Reaper fell again, fire bubbling out from the cracks in its armour. The platforms began to shift as it fell on it in its death throes. Garrus was thrown to the ground, rolling down the platforms with Shepard and Miranda.

“Shit,” Shepard said as she rolled,

He rolled off the edge and panic filled him before a human hand grasped his wrist. He instinctively held her wrist in return, that N7 strip under his fingers.

“Miranda, help,” Shepard grunted, her body straining as she tried to hoist him up.

The human woman was by her side in a second, grabbing his other hand and they both lifted him up on the platform before another came barrelling towards them and crashing with a horrific sound of metal scraping. He felt his grip lose Shepard, a whine building up in his chest as he reached out for her before everything went black.

“Shit.” was the last thing he heard from Shepard, their bodies tumbling towards the ground.

Then he felt her hand on his face “Garrus,” he opened his eyes, Shepard looking at him, “C’mon, big guy we gotta go.”

He pushed himself up while Shepard went to Miranda, easing the debris off of her before shaking her awake.

Then they were running, pushing past the seeker swarms and shooting any Collector’s that came near. One began to glow orange, cracks spreading across its body before Harbinger took it over.

“You have changed nothing,” it taunted, Shepard’s eyebrows pinching as they pushed forward to the edge, “Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater.”

The Normandy rose up to greet them, the door opening to show Joker armed and covering them with an assault rifle. Garrus felt the ground change from rock to metal as they ran across the line of platforms to the Normandy.

Both Miranda and him leapt into the docking port, Garrus whipping around to see the platform they were just on crumble into the abyss of the ship. His eyes fixated on Shepard, seeing the tiny burst of speed she had before reaching the edge of the platform before.

Then she jumped.

Shepard flew through the air, her legs shifting with momentum before catching the edge of the Normandy. Garrus grabbed her without thinking, his heart roaring in his chest. Her fingers grasped his forearm and he hoisted her up, panting at how close that could’ve been.

“Joker,” Shepard said from her position, the pilot looking at her, “Get us out of here.”

“Aye-aye.”

Then he was gone, a brisk pace just around the corner to the cockpit. He sat down, Shepard appearing behind him while the pilot’s hands flew across the screen. Garrus followed absentmindedly, unsure if he wanted to let Shepard out of his sight yet.

“Explosion in nine, eight, seven,” EDI counted.

“Thanks, EDI,” Joker said, “I know.”

Orange light filled the cockpit before the screens on the ‘windows’ automatically darkened, the Collector base exploding behind them. Garrus gripped a harness on the wall as the Normandy began to shake at the energy following them, his gaze firmly on Shepard.

Hers was on the relay, just uncomfortably far away.

“Giving her all that we got,” Joker said, “Sorry Garrus, taking power from the Thanix.”

He didn’t particularly care, the Relay beginning to spin as it sensed the Normandy trying to lock on. The ship just shook more, Shepard’s eyes closed as he forced his to stay open.

Then he felt weightless, certain he’d died for a split second before that momentum of a relay jump suddenly crashed up on them again.

It took a moment to realise but as he noticed the tiny speck of Omega through the window, for the first time at the sight of the shithole he felt joy.

“Fuck yeah,” Joker said while shooting his arm into the air, wincing and pulling it back, “Shepard, you got a call coming in.”

“I’ll go coordinate with Miranda and get repairs started,” Garrus said, stepping away.

“Good idea,” Shepard said, “Joker, get us out of the Terminus system. I don’t need a wannabe mercenary trying to take us.”

Miranda and he poured over the schematics, debating what could be a patch job and what should wait until they could get to Illium or the Citadel. Miranda’s eyebrows pinched together, Garrus waiting for her to speak.

“You would have killed me if I tried to stop Shepard,” it wasn’t a question, not really but Garrus still nodded.

“Good,” Miranda was plain before sighing, “You’re a better leader than I am. Guess genetics aren’t everything.”

“You have your own strengths,” Garrus said, “Focus on what you can do rather than others.”

"I tell myself that when I see Shepard, seeing her is a little like watching a star go supernova," she said and Garrus nodded again, a bad taste in the turian's mouth at the implication, "I still think we need to repair this hole first. It may create instability in other places in the hull."

She looked up and then nodded to Garrus before leading, Shepard taking her place. He could see schematics of reapers on the datapad she was holding, intel they pulled from the Collector base.

“How we doing?” she asked and he explained, pointing out where the damage was heaviest as she just nodded.

Then he felt an impact against his chest as she hit him with her eyebrows pinched together. It didn’t hurt - him at least, her knuckles probably ached against the hard metal of his armour - but the surprise was enough to get a noise out of him.

“Don’t scare me like that.”

“What?”

“When you got hit in the stomach,” her voice was bitter, “I thought...”

“I could say the same for you,” they were dancing around something, unsure of how to move forward without losing each other, “at the end, when you leapt. I thought…”

“Well I guess we’re in agreement,” she said simply, “not to scare each other like that.”

It was an empty promise, while Shepard kept delaying it the Reaper’s were coming. Soon if his cursory look of the data meant anything. In a few months or years, they’d both be back into the thick of things as they fought for survival in the only way they knew how.

But they had this now so Garrus just nodded, lying to her in the same way she lied to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have the next chapter (it's smut) written but I'm gonna hold onto it for a few days, at least until I can decide whether I'm going to wrap up ME2 in the chapter after that or just focus on DLC. I know I don't mention a lot but these are technically 100% playthrough, I just can't write that bc it would be fucking boring.


	15. A Quiet Endeavour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW chapter. I could call it smut but I don't care enough to. NSFW gets the point across.

The buzz of alcohol spread through her body, the room swaying. Her grip tightened on the bottle of whiskey as Shepard slowly made her way through the drunk crewmates to find the one turian who didn’t show up. Tali laughed at Gabby’s joke while Shepard passed before noticing the crazy straw stuffed into Tali’s glass.

Finding her way into the hallway, the door shut behind her and the music was immediately muffled. The faint hum of the bass rumbled through the ground and Shepard made her way through the cafeteria to the gun battery.

“Look at the neeerd,” she announced as she burst into the room seeing Garrus at his place in front of the console, “Ignoring the party to do math.”

“Calibrating is…”

“It’s math,” her voice slurred, Garrus shrugging as he conceded and powered down the console.

“You’re drunk.”

“And you aren’t, that’s the problem I’m having” Shepard explained, brandishing the bottle, “If you look here you will see the greatest of Turian whiskeys ever paid for by the Illusive Man himself.”

“It’s not the greatest,” he said.

“Well considering the Illusive man has probably never bought turian whiskey before it wins by default,”

“Besides high-end booze is just a scam for rich people, Garrus,” Shepard said before shaking her head, “Why are we talking about whiskey, I came here for a reason.”

“What’s that?”

“To seduce you obviously,” she handed him the bottle while her eyebrows waggled at him, Garrus watching fascinated, “You weren’t the only one to buy a gift.”

He opened it, a rich peaty smell immediately greeting him. He took a swig of it, feeling the burn travel his throat as Shepard rested her hands on his chest plate.

“You know,” her voice was soft, Garrus putting the bottle down on the console behind, “I’ve been thinking.”

“Yeah?” his voice matched hers, something tender peaking through his subharmonics.

“Ever since you mentioned you’ve never had interspecies sex before,” she nibbled on the end of his mandible and he whined, his body beginning to burn with arousal.

“I realised there’s something you’ve probably never had done to you.”

With that her fingers dug into his armour’s latches, quickly pulling the metal off and placing it to the side. She pressed her lips against his and he tried to kiss back, his tongue flicking out carefully against her bottom lip. His leg armour was quickly stripped and he felt his body flush with heat in the cool air of the room.

She pulled away to quickly strip his undersuit pulling it far enough to rest at the top of his legs before she dropped to her knees. Her hands fisted the fabric of her shirt at the bottom before pulling it up and over her head to be tossed to the side.

“Why’d you do that?”

“Why not.”

“Shep…”

She hushed him before murmuring in a husky voice, “I think it’s time you learn what else humans can do with their mouths.”

She pressed her tongue to the plates at his groan and they quickly spread, his cock sliding out. He whimpered as she licked up the side. Her hand reached to grasp his shaft before she pressed a kiss to the tip.

He felt himself twitch before she took him in his mouth. His hands moved to grip the console behind him with his body pressing against the metal to keep himself upright. His mandibles were tight to his face as he willed himself to keep quiet from the party goers just down the hallway.

Soft slurping filled the room as he shuddered with pleasure. His legs began to ache with the effort he was keeping from rocking into Shepard’s mouth. Garrus was painfully away of her tongue swirling around his cock, or the suction of pressure that shot pleasure through his entire body.

Fire burned through him and when Shepard’s eyes flickered up to meet his before swallowing his cock completely he went blind with his climax. Electricity shot through every nerve of his body as his cock twitched, shooting cum down her throat.

He came back to reality with aching fingers, clenching the metal of the console. He slowly eased himself off the metal, his entire body aching while Shepard looked up at him with a pleased look on her face.

“So how was it big guy,” she winked, before gripping his cock and giving it a jerk, “Looks like you’re ready to keep going.”

“You’re such a tease.”

“You gonna spank me?” she pushed knees behind her to wiggle her ass in the air.

“I don’t think you realise what you’re getting yourself into,” his voice was low, hands on her hips as he pulled her ass towards his cock, “I _will_ fuck you into this floor.”

“Promise?” she began to rub against him before gasping as he nearly ripped her pants off.

Shepard whimpered as he began to explore her, fingers gently stretching her open before slipping into her.

“Spirits, Shepard,” he practically growled, prodding her walls and watching her push into his hand, “You’re soaking.”

“Who’s teasing who now,” she panted, whining as his thumb reached up to stroke her clit with each thrust of his finger.

“I don’t think finger fucking you is teasing.”

“It’s not your cock,” she could hardly finish before Garrus pushed her into the ground his hands on her back as he rubbed his cock against her weeping entrance, “Please.”

He could hardly say no, hip thrusting forward to find himself deep inside of her. Her legs shook and he marvelled at the way she gripped him, her tight warmth squeezing around his cock. His hips pulled away, Shepard’s hips instinctively following to keep him inside of her. Then he snapped forward, her whole body pushing forward on the floor as he thrust into her.

Shepard gasped, the sound of his hips driving into hers filled the room. He leant forward, hands moving to each side of her head before he lightly nibbled the arch of her ear with his mouth plates. Her moans and whines began to grow louder, pleasure shivering out of every pore of her body.

“Shhh,” he murmured before his hips snapped forward into her tight cunt, “There’s a party nearby, don’t you know?”

“What if they hear something?” his tongue dragged along the curve of her jaw, “Come investigate?”

“And all they see is the first human Spectre whimpering because she’s stuffed full with turian cock.”

She clenched around him and he chuckled, mouth plate moving to press against her shoulder blade.

“You seem to like that?” his hot breath against her skin and she shivered, “and I see the appeal, letting everyone know exactly who’s fucking you.”

“But I’m a bit selfish,” he closed his eyes, that edging abyss threatening to swallow him in ecstasy, “I want to keep this all to myself.”

Her hand slid up to rest on his, finger slipping through his as she grasped his hand tightly. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth - holding back her growing moans - before he pressed his lips to hers in a kiss. His mouth opened to lick her lip and when her mouth opened his tongue slid into her mouth to wrap around her tongue.

His hips angled downwards, stroking the walls there and he could feel her body tense and shudder underneath him. She muffled her mouth in her free hand and Garrus licked a trail of sweat running down her shoulder blade.

“Good girl,” he murmured and she came, that rhythmic squeezing pulling him to fall over that edge with her.

He pulled out of her with a whimper and Shepard rotated her hips to rest on the ground, his seed running onto her thighs.

“I just need a moment,” she said while Garrus got up to dig through the box to the side.

He returned with a towel, cleaning between her legs before she pushed herself up. There was silence as they both got dressed, Garrus getting his chestpiece on before turning to look at her.

If it wasn’t for the aura of being well fucked he could have hardly guessed she had just whined and moaned underneath him just a few minutes ago. She reached over to the bottle she got him, holding it in her arms like an infant and he held back the image that threatened to show.

“Upstairs?” was all she asked and he nodded, quickly following after her.

They’d barely got the elevator doors closed before Shepard pushed Garrus against the walls. Her mouth on his and he grasped her hips firmly. Then - too fucking soon by Garrus’ count - the door opened again to the loft and he had to hold back his whine as Shepard lead him into her room for another round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually do all of the DLCs at the end of a playthrough so next chapter will just be DLC's where I feel like something can be added. But we're almost to ME3 and we're keeping the sorta chapter quota I had figured out when I started.


	16. Pay Per View

Shepard just ached, sitting upright on her side of the bed while her fingers rubbed lotion into the red skin on the inside of her thighs. Garrus stirred next to her and she froze with her fingers digging into her skin while Garrus’ eyes opened.

“Shepard,” his voice was groggy, hand reaching out for her and she grabbed it.

He very carefully shifted over to her, keeping his fringe free of any pillows that might pull or hook on as well as keeping his body supported. His face pressed into her hip, Shepard holding back giggles at the way his mandibles brushed against her skin or how each breath huffed against her. She let go of his hand and he just wrapped an arm around her waist.

“What’s that smell?” he asked, his grip tightening to pull her a bit closer.

“Lotion,” she responded before starting to rub it into her thigh again.

His hand met with hers on the red skin, Shepard looking over to see Garrus had pushed himself up. He pressed his lips against the thigh closest to him as he looked a bit lost.

This is why she was hoping not to wake him.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said and he looked up at her, “I was the one begging for more.”

“But…”

“It’s hardly anything new,” she said, “Thighs chafe themselves sometimes. The skin will grow thicker eventually and it won’t irritate it as much.”

He hummed, a moment of just staring at her before he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He took the lotion from her and after coating his hands liberally he began to massage it in. She leant back, giving a hum as her hands rested on her stomach.

“I could get used to this,” her eyes were half-closed, humming a tune.

“Then get used to it,” his chest rumbled, “I’m living in the lap of luxury up here you might as well get some perks.”

Her hand moved to rest on his fringe, just light enough that it didn’t make him rumble with arousal. As her thumb gently trailed the edge he kept lightly massaging her skin even after the lotion was gone.

* * *

“I wouldn’t be surprised if this button summoned a Reaper,” Shepard’s hand hovered over the button while Garrus sighed.

“Don’t jinx it.”

“You’re learning,” was all Shepard said before pressing it and he heard that horrific scream.

Shepard stumbled back, Garrus horrified as he saw the green haze coming from her eyes. Her eyes looked somewhere beyond them, head whipping around as something that only she saw in the hallway behind them. Visions of Saren’s skin melting to show Reaper controlled cybernetics filled his throat with bile, the thought of Shepard being striped away until nothing remained horrified him.

Fear froze his limbs as Shepard stumbled past him. As he snapped out of his paralysis the door slammed shut behind her. His hands pounded on the door, Kasumi desperately trying to hack it.

“Shepard!”

“I can’t open it,” Kasumi kicked the railing in frustration and the metal rang in Garrus’ ear.

He pushed Kasumi to the side before leaning back to kick it himself. He felt the metal reverberate against his foot before kicking it, again and again, seeing the metal slowly bend out of its fixture in the wall with the glass shattering.

He kicked it one last time and the metal broke out of the wall and he grabbed it with his hand to pull it back. The metal broke loose from the railing and he wedged it between the doors. Garrus leant on the metal, Kasumi adding her weight to it and the door slowly eased open. Kasumi stood back as she shook her arms while Garrus pushed himself in the small opening, using his hands to open it just a little bit more.

Garrus picked up the metal bar to jam it into the next door, leaning into it.

“We should go back,” Kasumi said, “Get help.”

“We don’t have time,” Garrus leaned on the bar, hearing the door slowly creak open, “We have a rogue VI about to upload itself to the extranet and Shepard needs us now.”

“So we’re going to just pry open doors until we get to Shepard?”

“Yep,” he grunted, his hands beginning to ache with the pressure, “I don’t even know if we can go back anyway, remember the elevator?”

He took a step back to take a small break, his muscles screaming, when the lights flicked on above him and the door opened.

He ran down the hall following the trail of Geth bodies and shattered windows. His hands shook as he went down the elevator, breathing deeply as Shepard came into view. She was facing away, Garrus focused on her as he came close with his heart pounding in his chest.

She turned around and Garrus froze.

Tears streamed down her face before sniffling with her hands wiping away her face. Garrus’ chest ached with a gentle hum, by her side without a thought.

His hand moved to rest on her shoulder, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she sniffled, “Just fucking Cerberus.”

He looked up at David they had suspended in a mess of tubes with tears streaming down his face - barely old enough to be an adult by Turian standards- and he agreed.

* * *

“Shepard?” he opened the door with a tray in hand as he looked around the room for her.

She was hunched over the desk, plastic scattered around her as she poured over a datapad. He put the food down at the edge of the desk before moving closer as Shepard picked up nippers and a sprue to cut free a model part.

She carefully rotated the plastic piece, her eyes sharp as she pushed the pieces together. Garrus noticed the box carefully put to the side, picking up the cardboard.

“Turian cruiser,” he mumbled, reading some of the facts he already knew on the back.

She still hadn’t noticed he was there, absorbed in piecing them model together. He waited until she put the nippers down until he prodded her waist from both sides, Shepard leaping up.

“Sorry,” his hands rested where he poked her, rubbing the skin.

“What time is it,” she rubbed her eyes as Garrus pulled up his omni-tool.

“23:48. I just finished with the Thanix for the day.”

Just because the Collector’s were gone didn’t mean they could stop upgrading the Normandy. There were still pirates and leftover heretic geth, not to mention the reapers could appear any day.

Shepard gave a nod sitting back down before her stomach loudly rumbling. Her head hit the table, giving a loud groan as she heard Garrus’ chest rumble with a laugh.

“You missed dinner,” his voice was full of way too much happiness for this to be a simple act of kindness, “so I brought you some.”

“Why is this so familiar,” Shepard asked, immediately suspicious before realising, “if you offer me two types of rations I will get so mad.”

“No that choice is for me,” he rumbled, plopping a Palaven’s Fish Feast and Fruit and Meat on the table.

“You’re such an ass.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night,” he hummed, “So…”

“Yeah,” she began to eat, her hands a blur as she shoved food down.

“Have you always been like this?” Garrus asked, that light tone in his voice still, “Getting so absorbed in something that you forget to eat.”

“Yeah,” she had this urge to tell him about herself, “I used to hate it. That I was this way.”

She pulled away from the desk to look him in the eyes, her eyes bright, “But now I like the person I’ve become.”

He wanted to say something but it was coming too close to those feelings that he was trying to avoid. He didn’t want to ruin this if sharing her bed was all that he could have then he would take it.

He was selfish that way.

* * *

“It’s good that you brought Archangel,” Shepard’s hackles rose as the Shadow Broker threatened them, “His bounty is still outstanding.”

“You’re not taking anyone else,” Liara’s voice was raw before she composed herself.

“I know your every secret while you stumble in the dark.”

“Is that so? You’re a yahg, a pre-space culture. This base is older than your planets discovery so I’m guessing you were brought here as a slave…”

“Or a pet,” her voice was smug, a grin on her face, “how am I doing?”

He didn’t respond, instead he growled and slammed his hand through the table he was sitting at. With a toss the table flew at them, all three of them instinctively jumping to the floor.

Shepard pushed herself up as she looked over at the two of them. Liara was fine, gun at the ready as she faced the Shadow Broker. She looked over to Garrus to see him still down, the remnants of the table still on top of him.

Her chest burned, hands beginning to shake. Red began to creep in the corners of her eyes as she pulled her shotgun from her holster.

“I’m taking you down,” her voice was frighteningly calm before attacking the yahg.

The battle was a blur, Shepard attacking with fire in her veins. But after Liara is the Shadow Broker and Garrus is forced back to the Normandy to see Chakwas, Shepard pulls Liara from the Shadow Broker's screens to the Normandy.

They just talk, nursing a bottle of wine. Shepard’s omni-tool pings and Liara notices her shoulder’s relaxing at the news.

“Garrus is fine,” she said, “Chakwas just wants to keep him under observation just in case.”

Liara hummed, something melancholic crossing her face.

“Is that why you fight?” Liara finally asked, “For a chance to give Garrus some peace?”

“How’d you figure it out?”

“It’s obvious in how he looks at you,” Liara said, taking a sip of wine with her eyes on the fish swimming happily in the aquarium, “and you don’t hesitate to look back.”

“Besides,” she showed Shepard a gun part she’d pilfered from the desk, “You’re a vanguard, you have no use for a sniper rifle scope.”

Shepard laughed before leaning forward on her seat on the bed, her eyes soft, “He’s been hurt, betrayed. He deserves so much better.”

“I just want him to be happy.”

“I hope things work out for you,” Liara said, “you both deserve happiness.”

* * *

Garrus thought he knew better, walking a path he took almost three years ago to the dock. Except that this time he was returning home instead of running away from everything to Omega.

He missed Shepard, a burning ache in his limbs that started after she'd dropped everyone off on the Citadel before heading to Earth to turn herself in. The last words he heard from her was a ship-wide speech that the Reapers were coming and everyone should decide what they were going to do with the time they still had.

He should have expected that his time with Shepard wouldn't last, them leaving each other on a hesitant note. She told him they'd discuss it when they met again, that she knew they'd meet again. It was nothing more than a platitude but for once he appreciated it.

He still missed her.

He showed his ticket to the attendant who directed him to his seat with a three-fingered hand. The ship was warm, suited for turians, and the seat was designed for his physiology but it felt wrong to Garrus.

He’d always felt like an outcast among turians but now it was a noticeable ache. He’d gotten so used to human ships that he felt odd not having to fight for comfort. The ship departed and while sitting next to a family of turians who’s kid was excitedly rambling to her parents Garrus pulled up a game on his omni-tool.

He absent-mindedly played, earning points to upgrade managers to earn more points. Occasionally trivia about human constellation mythology popped up and he read it, wondering if Shepard knew the stories about the stars they could see from earth.

He felt a dark feeling begin to brew in his stomach as Palaven drew near. His hand began to tremor slightly before he reprimanded himself. Garrus was nearing a part of his life he hadn’t been near for almost three years but he had to try.

He just hoped his father would listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like Arrival, it's a little bleak. So you aren't reading about it. It happened though because it doesn't make sense for Shepard to be arrested otherwise.


	17. My Box of Grief

“Garrus!”

Well shit, was all he thought when his sister stormed up to him. He was hoping to get back to his family home before she got him, maybe change into something that was rocket busted armour. But they were all snoops so he shouldn’t be surprised that she’d know that he came back.

“What the hell have you been doing?” turian’s whipped their heads around at the pure rage in Solana’s subharmonics, “What the fuck happened to your face?!”

“Solana…”

“Don’t Solana me,” he felt his shoulders jump up like he was a fifteen-year-old on his first day of boot camp, “You disappear for years and when you eventually do call you refuse to use video? Now I see you look like you’ve been dragged outside a vehicle for miles.”

“I get that you’re mad,” he sighed.

“Oh do you?”

“But please, let me get home first before you rip into me.”

She looked like she was chewing on glass, clearly tempted to start up again. Garrus thought about just walking away although that would only delay and worsen the inevitable.

“Fine,” was all she said before heading towards the exit.

Garrus followed her while the turians around them gave Solana a wide berth. He even got a few looks of inquiry or pity and he wished once again he was back on the Normandy.

“Is dad home?”

“No,” she said, “he’s visiting mom.”

There was still that rage burning inside of her but at the mention of their mom, he felt sorrow radiate from her subharmonics. He wanted to say something but he couldn’t, his own stomach beginning to sink.

* * *

The woman in the bed wasn’t his mother.

Genetically she was, any DNA test would show that, but there was no sign of the turian his mother was. Her body was gaunt and her plates were greying. There was no life in her eyes like she was dying from the inside out.

It was hard to reconcile the breathing corpse in front of him with the vibrant memories he had of her.

His dad was there, holding her hand as music played from his omni-tool. It was his mother’s favourite and one Garrus heard often as a child.

“Garrus,” he could barely hear his dad talking, almost a whisper.

“I should get some water.”

“No, dad,” Garrus said, awkward, “It’s okay.”

His dad just shook his head before leaving, Garrus making his way to the bed. She looked past him, her eyes were unfocused.

“You look just like my son,” was all she said before her eyes closed, a rattling breath filling the room as she fell asleep.

His mandibles ached with how tight they were against his face, holding back his subharmonics so he wouldn’t wake her. He pulled a chair closer to the bed, his chest aching with each wavering breath his mother gave.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, throat tight, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

His mandibles clicked against his face before he stood up, leaving the room. His dad was there, staring out the window to the facilities garden. He turned around as the door opened, Garrus’ hands tightening and relaxing as he wondered what to say.

“She’s asleep,” he finally settled on.

Despite all of the issues he had with his father over the years he always knew that his parents loved each other. There was a softness his father had when his mother was around, this adoration that spread across his body.

Now he looked broken.

If it was Shepard in there, Garrus was suddenly struck by the realisation that he loved her, he’d be broken too.

* * *

“You can’t expect us to just…” Solana snarled while his father just sat there, poking his dinner.

Garrus reminded himself that she was strained, dealing with their mother and the uncertainty of the future. Didn’t stop that stab of pain that she couldn’t be bothered to listen to her own brother.

“I’ve seen it,” Garrus argued, “I was there when Saren attacked the Citadel. Sovereign liquefied Saren’s body and took control of his implants. I was on Horizon during the Collector attack and saw them freezing humans to take to their ship. I was _there_ dad, and if you can’t at least listen to what evidence I have then I’m going to go and try to find someone who will.”

“We do not have time to argue,” Garrus said and Solana just gave a noise of frustration, “Either listen or don’t but I’m here for a reason and I’m going to shout until someone listens.”

“You should be here for your family,” Solana snapped, “not gallivanting on some quest because the great Commander Shepard asked.”

“Okay then,” his dad said, leaning forward, “Start from the beginning.”

“I…”

“Argue your case,” Castis said, “You haven’t forgotten how to do that in all your years roaming the galaxy.”

“Uhm,” he blinked in surprise, honestly not expecting that to work, “It began at Eden Prime.”

“Where Saren killed Nihlus,” his dad said, “makes sense, it’s what leapt the Commander into being a Spectre.”

“That’s not all,” Garrus said, readying himself for a long story, “They had unearthed a Prothean beacon, that’s what Saren was really after.”

As he began to tell his story he was bombarded with memories. Details he had left out of his clinical retelling for his dad, the way Wrex had asked each member of the crew who could beat Shepard or how they played poker on the way to Ilos. Thane awkwardly introducing himself to Garrus, reaching out for friendship after years of loneliness. He remembered meeting Wrex on Tuchanka, the first crew member besides him to welcome Shepard with a warm smile.

Shepard had become firmer in his mind.

Memories of Shepard appearing on that bridge on Omega, his body aching for her in a way that he realised was more than friendship even then. Of his first night with Shepard before going through the Omega-4 relay. How her skin felt underneath him or the way she leant into him when he ran his fingers through her hair.

When he reached the Collector base he pulled up footage that Shepard had given them. His father and sister were horrified at the abominations in the base but Garrus just focused on Shepard. That ache he had carried since he left the Normandy eased a bit at the sight of her, even if just a recording.

“Spirits,” was all Solana said while his dad was silent and Garrus knew he was just piecing everything together.

“How long do we have?” He finally asked and Garrus sighed.

“A few months or years,” Garrus said, “Shepard bought us time defeating Sovereign and destroying the Alpha relay but they’re still on their way.”

“We’ll still need to clean up your case for Primarch Fedorian,” he said, “But I think I can get us a meeting this month. Give me the files you have and any other information.”

“The STG have this information too,” Garrus said, “Shepard asked a Justicar to push the Asari as well. I might also be able to get more from an old friend, Shepard only had what we got during the Collector’s.”

“I have a few friends I could lean on too,” Solana said before getting up, “now if you’ll excuse me.”

Garrus shot off a few messages to Liara with the encryption that she requested he uses before he got a message from Joker.

_Shepard’s under house arrest, no communication. She’s apparently a bit stir-crazy but fine, Anderson is trying to get them to listen to her testimonials on the Reapers. Thought you should know._

He smiled to himself, imagining Shepard pacing around in circles and wondering if they knew what they had gotten themselves into. He sent Joker a message, just a single word but he thought it was all he needed.

_Thanks_

* * *

His fingers trailed across his mandible, feeling the warped plates for the first time since he was injured. In a small bit of vanity, he puffed up his shoulders, trying to make his waist appear slimmer. He felt himself deflate as he realised he had no idea what Shepard saw in him.

It couldn’t be what Turians looked for in each other, she’d never looked at his waist in hunger but rather his shoulders. She said she liked his fringe but it was more aesthetic, that he looked more imposing with the long blades.

Maybe she really did have a thing for scars. Maybe she wouldn’t want him now his scars were fading.

After finally accepting to himself he loved Shepard he’d been doing some research - on the off-chance they’d ever see each other again - and it had all boiled down to ‘every person has different tastes’ which was incredibly unhelpful.

Solana knocked on the bathroom door, startling him out of his thoughts.

“Get out of there Garrus,” she was annoyed already, “you’ve been in there for a half-hour.”

“I’m taking my bandage off,” he snapped back, his sister getting on his already frazzled nerves, “Give me a second to make sure it’s healed.”

He tossed the bandage he left on the counter out before looking at himself in the mirror again.

Time to get new armour, he finally decided as he put together a plan that may never come to fruition.

* * *

“We just cannot justify the expense,” a bureaucrat said with a dry voice, “Self sustaining bases across Hierarchy space with up to date communication tech? Upgraded colony defence systems and protocols? All just based on a rumour.”

“How many human colonies disappeared in the last year alone?” Garrus argued, new amour shifting as he started to get a feel for the weight, “We can cut costs by upgrading bases from the Krogan Rebellions.”

“But…”

“I am under the understanding as Reaper Advisor I am to advise about Reapers,” Garrus snarked, “I’m sorry that I’m trying to do my job.”

“STG movements suggest they’re preparing for something as well,” Garrus almost breathed a sigh of relief as General Victus spoke up with common sense, “All species are except Batarians.”

“Even Humans?”

“Yes,” Victus nodded, “Though they are still not at the strength they had before Sovereigns attack on the Citadel.”

“I also need all intel we got from Sovereign,” Garrus said, leaning back in his chair.

“That’s classified information.”

“Then get me clearance.”

Victus had to bite back a laugh as the turians around him gave an exasperated hum. He knew that if they had the chance they’d drown Garrus but he got the clearance he wanted. He quickly skimmed over the data while taking note of any scientists who had come in contact with Reaper tech.

* * *

He was on Menae when the call came in, checking supplies in one of the new bases to ensure it was all there. He quickly ran outside before answering and Solana’s face popped up. He heard it in her subharmonics before she could say anything if she was human her face would be twisted in grief with tears flowing down her face.

“Mom passed away,” she finally choked out and Garrus felt something cold swell up in his throat.

“I can be there in a few hours.”

“I know you’re busy, you don’t have…”

“I’ll be there,” he said, his voice thick as his chest ached with the hum of grief spreading through his body, “I want to be.”

He wasn’t entirely sure how he got back to Palaven, finding his body just moving closer to his childhood home. He opened the door and was struck with how the house radiated grief. He could hear Solana in the bathroom, locking herself in as she keened out her pain. His dad was just staring at a hologram of them as a family, fingers gently tracing across his wife’s face.

People would think that Castis was cold but Garrus could see the turian’s shoulders shake, trying to stuff his grief in a box to look after his kids.

“Dad,” Garrus hated how strained his voice was, keening beginning to brew up inside of him.

“Garrus,” his dad’s mandibles were tight against his face, “I…”

He pulled his father into a hug, his body shaking. A few moments passed before Castis pulled away, looking back at the picture.

“It’s supposed to be a relief,” his father finally said, “She was hurting so much but now I just want her back.”

“I wish Alex was here.”

Garrus never realised how much his dad started to lean on his old friend but it made sense. They were always mirrors of each other. From when they were both young and saw how the galaxy _should_ be to men who had strained relationships with their kids and a dying wife.

But now Ryder was gone, asleep as the Initiative set towards Andromeda.

* * *

They were here. He just knew it. Batarians fled Khar’shan in droves, pushing into the human colonies before Earth went dark. He barely had time to comprehend the news when he was shoved onto a shuttle with a few Generals and the Primarch.

“It sounds like the Batarians were firing on their own ships when they arrived,” Corinthus asked, reading over the intel.

“They were indoctrinated,” Garrus said, leaning back as he felt himself age considerably.

“We’re going to have to fight our own people as well?” Fedorian asked, a general muttering a prayer to the spirits.

“We won’t be hit the same way,” Garrus felt the shuttle shudder with his hand tightening on the bag he had taken to carrying everywhere, “Every turian that’s been near a Reaper artefact that I’m aware of has had their access cut.”

“Callous.”

“I’d prefer calling it practical,” was all Garrus said before closing his eyes, knowing sleep was going to be precious now, “We can’t worry about that. We have to do all that we can now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit 07/12/20 guess who finally remembered the word access.


	18. With Aching Loneliness

“The Committee is a waste of time,” Shepard groaned, preparing herself for another meeting where nothing got done.

“They’re just scared Shepard,” Anderson said, “no one’s seen what you’ve seen. Hell, you talked to one and then blew the damn thing up. You know how they’re going to harvest us.”

“I’ll be sure to send a thank you card for the trauma.”

Anderson smirked for a second before they pushed onwards. They bantered back and forth, Shepard growing more concerned with the number of people moving with purpose. As they entered the reception room she was told to wait, Shepard absent-mindedly counting the seconds with the tapping of her toes in her boots.

“Major Alenko,” Anderson said and her head whipped up, “How’d it go?”

“It’s hard to say. I said what I needed to,” Kaidan said, “I’m just waiting for orders now.”

“Major?” Shepard asked.

“You didn’t hear?”

“Nah I’m out of the loop now apparently,” she shrugged, “Congratulations Alenko, you’re a good soldier.”

“Thanks,” he said, giving a small smile, “and sorry, it wasn’t my intent to keep you out of the loop.”

She thought of Garrus, what he would say if he were here. Probably something snarky she decided, so she could call him an ass. She hoped he knew it was out of affection, in case they never see each other again.

“The committee is ready to see you, Commander,” the assistant said.

What a load of asses rang through Shepard’s head, as it always did when she was in this room. The Committee was up in the air, looking down on her from their perches.

“We’ve lost contact with everything beyond the Sol Relay.”

“You brought me here to confirm what you already know,” Shepard’s voice had a tint of annoyance, “The Reapers are here.”

“How do we defeat them?”

“This isn’t about tactics or strategy. This is about survival. The Reapers don’t fear us, they don’t see us more than just ants and they’ll never take pity on us.”

“If we want to survive we have to stand together.”

“That’s it?” one of the Committee members asked incredulously, “That’s our plan?”

“It’s that or die.”

“Luna Base has gone dark,” a tech called out, fear beginning to paint their voice.

“The moon?” Anderson’s eyebrows pinched together, “They can’t be that close already.”

“UK Headquarters has a visual.”

The screens flickered on and Shepard's shoulders raised at the Reaper lowered to the ground before the vid cut. There were vids of people desperately signalling for help and this sick feeling began to brew in her stomach, her hands shaking as she desperately wanted to help all of them.

Then the glass began to shake in its pane, a hum beginning to brew in the back of Shepard’s head. A Reaper split the clouds to land in Vancouver, Shepard taking steps back.

“Move, move, move!” she screamed before the laser hit the building.

Bodies flew past her as the committee’s dais table flew above her head. Everything was overwhelmingly loud before turning into a high pitch wail in her ears, Shepard realising that her face ached.

With her hand moving to her jaw, feeling the bones under her skin she heard muffled shouting slowly coming back to reality.

“...pard… Shepard!” Anderson called out for her, “Shepard!”

“I’m here,” her hands whipped into the air and he grabbed one, helping her up before handing her a gun.

“We have to get to the Normandy.”

She just nodded, still dazed from the explosion. Her head shook before they ran out the window the scaffolding outside. Shepard could hardly speak at the sight of the Reaper, something that crawled right out of her nightmares just across the bay.

“How do you stop something so powerful?”

She didn’t know.

As they snuck into the ruined building she quickly grabbed the medi-gel from the container in the room before opening the door. A husk popped out of the crack and she charged her biotics, the husk flopping backwards at the force.

Anderson pushed the door open and Shepard just about followed through, hearing something rustle in the vent she turned around. She crouched down, an ache in her knees while she looked in to see a familiar child.

“C’mon,” she reached her hand out, “You gotta get out of here. I’ll keep you safe.”

“No,” he looked at her with fear, “You can’t stop all of them.”

Her hand faltered as Anderson called her, head moving back to notice the vent was empty.

Her teeth dug into her lower lip, biting away something greasy in her stomach.

Then they were running again, passing destroyed buildings as they drew near to the harbour. That harsh sea smell reached her, her nose crinkling. They just got onto the next part of the destroyed footpath when that screeching Reaper noise filled the air, laser cutting through the metal as it destroyed the part behind them.

“Shit!’ Shepard exclaimed as they all tumbled to the ground.

“Just a bit further,” Anderson winced before pushing himself up, Shepard following suit.

* * *

“I don’t know how you do it,” Liara looked forlorn, “You always stay focused in the worst situations.

“I have a lot to fight for,” she said, “I think about those closest to me, what I’ll lose if I fail.”

“Garrus?”

“I miss him.”

“I know you’ll find him,” she said simply, “You’re not one to stop when you want something.”

She wasn’t so sure. There was this ache in her chest, one she knew wouldn’t go away until she knew he was still alive. Even if Palaven wasn’t under fire yet he was never one to run from the fight.

“C’mon,” she said as Kaidan returned, “Let’s get going.”

There were a few more soldiers as they pushed forward, Liara guiding them down long narrow hallways. The windows were starting to darken as sand began to brush against the glass as the wind began to pound on the walls.

They opened the door and then it was bullets from a turret pounding instead. They dove for the nearest cover, Shepard groaning with the back of her head hitting the metal of the wall.

“This the only way in?”

“It’s the only way I know.”

Kaidan pushed forward first, carefully dodging from cover to cover. Shepard ran forward next with Liara following her. They carefully rolled and kept their backs to the

“Thank the Goddess the programmer for this turret decided to not have it shoot continuously. I don’t think these tables could survive that,” Liara exclaimed as Shepard reached beyond the turret’s reach.

“It can’t fire on us here.”

Shepard snarled, something hot brewing in her stomach. They cleared out the control room, Liara groaning in frustration as she desperately tried to override the lockdown.

“It’s on a separate system.”

“Not if we find a radio, helmet to helmet connection.”

Liara said something about Kaidan and Shepard responded with a hum, not really paying attention. She followed Kaidan into the other room, waiting until he pulled the helmet off one of the bodies there.

“My God,” Kaidan said, “he looks like a husk.”

“Yeah,” she was quiet, “Not entirely but there’s some resemblance.

“Is this what they did to you?”

“What the fuck Kaidan,” Shepard tilted her head at him, “Now I’m gonna be worried about that.”

“You didn’t think about it?” Kaidan asked, “You were brought back by Cerberus why wouldn’t you.”

“I still have to sleep at night.”

“I just want to know if it’s even you in there. I don’t know if there’s anything you could say to convince me.”

“I’m the same person but you’ll just have to see that for yourself,” she said sighing before lightly adding, “You were always stubborn.”

“Me?” he was playfully indignant that she would suggest that before she put the radio to her mouth.

“This is team Delta…”

With their combined biotics they quickly overwhelmed the tram full of Cerberus soldiers. They got halfway across with that tram before an explosion took it out. They waited as the other tram crawled there, the three of them pulling as many off to tumble to their deaths as they could.

It was short work taking care of the few soldiers left, even with the shields some of them carried. As the tram crossed the shield and atmosphere was restore they all whipped off their helmets to eat something before they had to use more biotics in the coming battle.

“Can I be real?”

“I am this tired,” Shepard put her fingers together while devouring her calorie-loaded snack bar, “of Cerberus right now.”

“Your fingers are touching Shepard,” Liara said.

“I know. I’m going to smack the next one I see,” she popped open a 5-hour energy drink and downed it before tucking the waste back into her pocket and she suddenly remembered Noveria.

_It’s bad to litter Garrus._

“Won’t be long now,” Kaidan butted in, “We’re reaching the archives.”

The tram slowed to a stop and Shepard vaulted over the edge to run forward as the door was opening. Her fist tightened and cracked with biotic energy as the first Cerberus trooper drew near as she punched him. He dropped to the ground before Shepard shot him in the face with her Katana.

"Holy shit that's Shepard!"

* * *

“The Normandy is one of the few ships that can extract the Primarch undetected,” Councillor Sparatus said, Shepard noticed his mandibles were tight against his face.

Garrus did that when he was anxious, she off-handedly thought before shrugging.

“I can but why,” she asked, “this seems to only really benefit you.”

“It may seem that way but Primarch Fedorian called the war summit,” the turian said, “Those meetings won’t go on without him. A grateful Primarch would be a good ally in your bid to unite us.”

“And if Fedorian is dead?”

She kept an eye on him, watching the slight shift of his faceplates. This seemed personal as well - though Shepard knew a Turian would never think about that first - they must have been friends.

“Then bring us the next Primarch.”

Sparatus almost reached the door before turning around, his omni-tool activating, “I almost forgot. We have decided to uphold your Spectre status. Thank you.”

“Well,” Shepard said, rubbing her jaw anxiously, “Guess I’m going to Palaven.”

“It’s a start at least,” Udina responded, “I’ll see what I can do to push this along.”

* * *

“Palaven huh?” Joker asked, looking up at Shepard leaning on the top of his chair.

“Yeah,” she said, cracking her fingers without thinking, “I promised them their Primarch.”

“No other reason?”

“I’m not allowed other reasons, Jeff,” she sighed, “I can’t risk the war.”

“I think you’ve earned a bit of personal happiness Shepard,” EDI chimed in, her avatar popping up to the side.

“Even the AI’s giving you shit,” he smiled, “I hope you two just stumble across each other like you always do.”

She hummed and he just looked thoughtful for a second, something wicked in his eyes.

“You know,” Joker said, Palaven drawing larger in the window, “I think blowjobs are traditional for reunions.”

“You know what Jeff,” she said with a smile, “If I ‘stumble across’ him and he’s still interested I’ll be sure to let him know that you suggested I suck the life out of him.”

“Hey,” he said as she turned around to prep for the mission, “you weren’t the one getting all his concerned messages about you. The guys enamoured with you, I’m just trying to help a friend out.”

“Thank you, Joker,” she waved as she left the cockpit, “It’s his decision though.”

“Gross,” was all he said in response as he heard Shepard laugh her way down the CIC.


	19. Over the Moon for You

“Humans lost the First and Fourth fleet,” Garrus heard as he walked by the bunks, his hands tightening.

Don’t think about Shepard, don’t think about Shepard, don’t think…

He thought about Shepard.

Then a hot feeling washed over his stomach, his legs beginning to feel weak. They brought her to Earth, he practically snarled in his head, just so they could ignore her and leave her to die.

He grabbed some ammo and rations to head out from the base. He sniped a few husks before they could go near Victus’ platoon. He slowly made his way over there, Victus saluting him as he drew near.

“I’m assuming those husks are your work Vakarian?”

He nodded, not trusting his subharmonics yet. Palaven burned above them and if he really wanted to hurt himself he could look up towards that massive fire where his family last was. The other turians had their eyes pointedly at the ground, only looking to the horizon to make sure a Harvester didn’t appear.

“Mind if I join you?” Garrus asked, “I could kill some things right now.”

“You outrank me so I can’t actually stop you but I’d appreciate it.”

He tried not to notice how some of the soldier’s shoulders relaxed. He pretended to himself they were just grateful for the experience, not starting to put him on a pedestal similar to what Shepard was to humans.

They began to move, killing whatever husks and cannibals that came near them. They lost a soldier when a husk appeared on the ridge behind him and grabbed him, his screaming as he fell to his death still rang in Garrus’ ears.

A Harvest screamed as it flew above them, firing reaper troops down right in the middle of the platoon. They didn’t think just reacted, shooting at whatever husk was near them.

“Vakarian!” he heard Victus shout, “Get those things the hell off my men.”

He looked over to see husks beginning to overwhelm a group of soldiers, his legs flying as he ran over there. He yanked a husk off the soldier that went down, his foot going through it’s head as he snarled. He quickly helped the soldier up before hitting another with the butt of his rifle.

“Go!” he screamed and as the Turians they listened without thought, turning around and running.

They made their way into a small canyon, using the narrow path to kill anything that drew near. As every drew calm the soldiers turned to look at Garrus.

“Vakarian,” His comm was fuzzy but Victus was there, “I’m going to bolster our troops over here. I nee….”

The comms dropped out and Garrus held back a curse, the comm tower must have gone down again.

“What do we do now?” one of them asked.

“We should head back to the main base,” he said, gesturing with his gun to move.

* * *

“Oh no, no,” Liara said, putting the words that Shepard couldn’t say, “Not Palaven.”

Shepard just tightly gripped her hands together, her palms aching under the pressure. James looked at her with confusion before Shepard explained.

“We have an old friend there.”

He nodded with that explanation and Shepard fell quiet again, ignoring Liara’s sympathetic look.

“Husks have overwhelmed the landing spot,” Cortez called out to the back and she got up as the door opening, shooting as many as she could.

 _Good_ , she thought, _something to distract me_.

Her first biotic pull was harsh, Shepard whipping it forward with something she didn’t really feel like explaining right now. The other two began shooting, Liara throwing out biotics as well. Cortex landed as they killed the last one, the three of them setting off and Cortez took off again.

“C’mon,” Shepard said, her mood beginning to sour at the sight of Palaven up in the sky, “Let’s get the Primarch.”

He’s probably up there, she thought her eyes narrowing, if he’s even still alive.

“Shepard,” Liara’s eyes were sharp, concern pinching the corner of her lips.

“Not right now Liara,” her hands squeezed as it seemed like Garrus was even further away now, “we’ll talk on the Normandy.”

* * *

“Advisor Vakarian,” his comm cracked before Corinthus popped in, “You still out there?”

“It’s me,” he responded as Victus’ soldiers pretended not to listen, “Need something?”

“No,” he said his voice barely hiding the slightest undercurrent of hope, “Commander Shepard’s here.”

The world froze around him, the scream of the Reapers far away nothing more than a hum. She’s here, his stupid heart began to sing, she came back to him.

“Why is she here?” he asked, ignoring the pathetic way his chest tried to sing with adoration.

“They need the Primarch,” he said, “I won’t say more on an unsecured channel. Just Vakarian, I thought you might want to know.”

“Thanks,” was all he said, and he double-timed it back to the base and separated from the other men.

“I need somebody,” his heart leapt again despite how frustrated and angry she sounded, “Anybody who can get us the turian resources we need.”

“I got it, Shepard,” his swagger was back and his chest puffed up a little, “We’ll get you the Primarch.”

He heard Corinthus’ amused subvocals turning to surprise as she exclaimed his name, her eyes bright with joy.

“I’m hard to kill,” his hand curled around his, “you should know that.”

“I thought you’d be on Palaven,” her voice barely wavered but he could see it in her eyes, she thought he was dead or out of her reach.

He thought the same of her.

Corinthus coughed and he reluctantly let go of her, despite wearing armour he could swear her warmth lingered on his skin.

“If we lose this moon we lose Palaven,” he said, “I’m the closest thing to a Reaper expert so I’m advising.”

“Got news about the new Primarch, sir,” he said, saluting, “General Victus is next in line.”

“You know him Garrus?”

“I was fighting alongside him earlier this morning,” he said, “Popular with troops, not so popular with military command. Has a reputation for playing loose with accepted strategy.”

“Tell me about him,” Shepard asked and Liara stepped forward while explaining while Garrus just watched Shepard's face.

“Primarch Victus,” Shepard watched Garrus’ face in return as he leant back, “That’s going to be something to see.”

“He’s going to hate it,” Corinthus added and Garrus laughed.

“Unconventional thinking might be the only thing that can save Palaven and Earth.”

“He’ll do anything to get the job done,” Garrus said and before he could stop himself he playfully added, “Reminds me of this old human Spectre I knew.

“I’m not old.”

“You’re two years older than me, that’s practically ancient.”

“You’re such an ass Vakarian.”

Joker called in and Liara left to go help him on the Normandy. Shepard felt concerned that she might lose her ship right at the beginning of the war.

A harvester screeched overhead and they whipped around, guns up and firing to keep it from dropping troops right in the base. Instead, it dropped it right outside, one of the turians at the top of the wall dropping to the ground dead as the Harvester fired on them.

“You coming Garrus?”

Of course, he was, he didn’t have to think. Garrus never wanted her to leave his sight again.

“Are you kidding? I’m right behind you.”

* * *

The ship exploded above them, Shepard pushed back by the shockwave. At the sight of her stumbling backward Garrus moved right behind her, hands on her shoulders as he kept her from falling.

“You okay?” was all he asked and he let go of her, “That’s a little closer than I like!”

“So Lola,” Garrus raised a browplate at that, James oblivious as he asked Shepard, “You think this is gonna work. Asari, Salarians, Turians?”

“Where’s the Krogan and Batarians. Where’s the meat.”

“Batarians were the first hit,” Garrus said, “there’s not much left of them. And the Krogan still haven’t forgiven us or the Salarians for the Genophage.”

“Right.”

“So they won’t be coming,” Shepard finished, “That answer your question?”

“Yep.”

“We’re not far from where I last saw Victus,” Garrus called out, “Should just be ahead.”

The sound of battle began to reach them, Reaper forces giving that odd metallic scream that boiled his blood. His mandibles drew tight to his face as that nagging thought they were too late brewed in his mind.

“I’m not losing another Primarch,” Shepard switched into her Commander mode, “Push into the compound!”

The three of them ran with both Garrus and Shepard ahead of James. They both pushed against the first cover they saw, James throwing at the first Brute they saw. He felt her biotics crackle against his skin before she was gone, charging a marauder.

“Here she goes,” James seemed excited and Garrus just clicked his mandibles.

Biotic energy began to swarm around her, Shepard pulling together every newton of force that she had. With a snarl she lifted up into the air before slamming down, biotic energy flowing from her in a massive blue explosion. A few marauders were incinerated immediately and a brute stumbled.

He felt the shockwave push against him and he moved forward, firing an incinerate at the brute moving in on her. He heard shock rumble through some of the turian soldier’s subharmonics and he wouldn’t be surprised if he saw vids of her plastered over the extranet soon.

“When did you learn that?” he called out and he heard her laugh.

“Yesterday.”

He and James tried to follow her as she leapt from one corner of the battlefield to another. Whenever a brute came near she charged up another Nova, pushing away everything around her before recharging her barriers with another charge.

“This isn’t even fair,” James said, tossing another grenade.

“At least not for them,” was all Garrus retorted before he squeezed the trigger and watched the marauder's head explode.

She panted for breath as the last enemy fell, her chest heaving. She downed an energy drink before moving to greet Victus coming towards them.

“Vakarian, that you?”

“Yep,” he said, gesturing to Shepard, “I brought backup.”

“Commander,” he tilted his head to her and she nodded back.

“I’m here to extract you off-planet,” she said before her mouth went thin, “Off-moon.”

“It’ll take something beyond important to leave the fight and my men.”

“Fedorian is dead,” Garrus said, “You’re the new Primarch.”

Victus’ mandibles splayed in a split second of surprise before he turned around, his head moving up to look at the planet that haunted them. His body was framed with light as he seemed to be swallowed up by Palaven, their homeworld on fire.

“I’m…” he seemed incredulous, “Primarch of Palaven?”

“You’re needed to head a war summit for your people.”

“Give me a moment to talk to my men,” was all he said before turning around, soldiers pouring out to gather near him.

“Without him down here there’s a good chance we’ll lose this moon,” Garrus said, that math wasn’t something he could ignore.

Her shoulders slumped, Garrus warbling something deep in his chest in concern before reaching out to touch her shoulder in a way she’d understand.

“I figured,” she finally said, “but without him up there we could lose everything.”

“C’mon,” he wished he could say anything better to make her feel better, “Let’s get going.”

* * *

“After all we’ve been through, calibrating a giant gun is like a vacation,” he looked at her, eyes noticing the soft almost jacket she was wearing with an N7 stripe down the arm.

“Joker and EDI got it for me,” she said, “As a welcome back present.”

“So uh…” he suddenly stumbled, “is this the part where we shake hands?”

 _Nice going there, Garrus_ , he sarcastically thought to himself.

“I’m just not sure about the protocol on reunions. Or if you even still felt the same way.”

“The scars are beginning to fade,” his voice gaining confidence as joked, hand pointing to his mangled mandible, “I know they just drove you wild but I could go out and get new ones if it’ll help.”

She giggled, her eyes closing and Garrus knew it was his imagination but it seemed like some of the dark rings around her eyes were beginning to fade. She looked so soft as her eyes opened again, a tender smile that he only seemed to see.

“That won’t be necessary,” she hummed before grabbing his hands, “I haven’t forgotten our time together.”

“That good… to hear,” his mandibles were tight, “I’ve been watching some vids but I didn’t want to…”

Her hands were on his face before she pressed her lips against his. He moved to cradle her body against his, feeling her warmth seep through his casual clothes. She stopped kissing him but didn’t pull away, her forehead pushing against his and he returned the pressure.

His subharmonics began to rumble as her thumb trailed across the blue on his cheek. It was disgustingly sweet - the feeling inside of him - this tender aching that spread across his body and made his knees weak.

“The vids mentioned it might go like that,” he sighed as she leaned back down, his hands freely resting on her shoulder as he just wanted to feel her.

“I’m better than a vid baby,” her hand stroked his arm as they reluctantly pulled away from each other.

“That’s good to hear,” he felt his voice dip low, “Because it’ll take more than reapers to come between this cross-species liaison.”

They quickly bantered while catching up, Shepard teasing him about being the next Primarch.

“Primarch Vakarian,” her voice was wispy as he made a pained face, “Honoured war hero.”

“Someone’s gonna have to rebuild Palaven.”

“It’ll be someone who actually knows how to hold a hammer.”

Her omni-tool began to beep before a woman's voice rang through.

“Commander, Admiral Hackett’s on vid-comm.”

“Be right there Traynor.”

“Duty calls,” she sighed, “I’ll see you later though, we still have some ‘reconnecting’ to do.”

“I’ll be there,” he said before pulling out a bottle of wine, “And I’m bringing the good stuff. There are perks to being an Advisor, I can afford this now.”

“When can you come up?”

“When do you want me?”

“Well,” she sighed, a smile on her face, “I want you right now but Hackett ruined my chances of you taking me against the side of the Thanix.”

Arousal thrummed through him at the thought, his plates beginning to shift as he remembered how she felt around him.

“Spirits, Shepard,” he gave a pleased hum at the way her heart jumped, “Be patient, I have plans for you.”

“They better be good. I’ll see you then,” her voice rang out into the gun battery before disappearing, Garrus wishing it was later already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try and keep Shepard's POV equal to Garrus' in ME3. Might not work that way bc it's easy for me to slip into Garrus' POV.


	20. Turning to Traditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You weren't going to get this until tomorrow but fuck it I'm excited about the new trailer drop.
> 
> NSFW

Her hand began to knead her shoulder, an ache beginning to brew in the joint. It never healed right, flaring up every so often. Her feet tapped against the ground as the elevator slowly made it’s way up to the loft. She hoped if Garrus was up there he didn’t wait for long.

“I’m so sorry,” she said when she finally burst through the loft’s door.

He was in front of her desk, his head tilting as she entered the room. His mandible moved in a turian smile and she relaxed, that breath she didn’t know she was holding flowing out of her.

“Thing’s took longer than you expected?”

“More like more things happened than I expected,” she sighed, unzipping her hoodie and throwing it onto the chair showing off her black tank top, “EDI has a body now.”

“Good for her,” he said walking next to her and tilted his head at her, “I brought food. Just what they made for dinner but it’ll go with the wine.”

“You’re too good to me,” she smiled at him and she felt the vibrations coming from his chest.

“Someone has to be.”

She grabbed his hand, her five fingers sliding into his three. He led her down the stairs to see their dinner on the table. A big smile spread across her face as she sat down at her meal, Garrus opening the bottle and pouring the wine into the wine glasses he had out already.

She ignored her growling stomach to take a sip of wine. Leaning back as she let the taste roll around her mouth. It certainly was a better wine but she couldn’t really pick out why. Less of that gritty aftertaste though she decided the appeal was that she was drinking it with Garrus.

“It’s got that hints of wine,” she finally said with a smile, “Wine peaking through that wine taste?”

He raised an eyebrow and she laughed, taking another sip.

“I don’t have much of a refined pallet, I do like it though.”

She devoured her meal, thankful that Garrus knew her well enough to pick up a larger portion.

“Some things never change,” he said eating his own meal as he feigned a wince when she lightly punched him.

“Don’t be mean to the biotic.”

“Liara doesn’t eat like that.”

“Oh she snacks,” Shepard said, “There’s no way she doesn’t. I keep track of our inventory you know.”

“She would suggest slander,” Garrus said, sipping his wine.

“Haha,” she said as she finished her plate, pouring herself another glass of wine.

Heat began to build up in her cheeks at the alcohol burning in her system. She looked at Garrus, eyes trailing across his face with a smile.

“I like your new armour,” she simply said, taking a casual sip as he nearly choked on his own wine.

“Thanks.”

She put the glass down, finger dragging across the rim as she looked at him again.

“I thought about you,” she shifted closer to him, feeling the warmth of his legs against hers.

“I thought about you too,” he finished his wine.

“No, Garrus, I mean I did” her voice pitched low, fingers moving to rub his waist, “but I _thought_ about you too.”

“Spirits,” his voice was a wisp as he leant back with a groan, his hips wiggling at the stimulation.

She took advantage of the distraction, her leg moving so she could straddle his waist. Her thighs squeezed the sensitive skin there and she felt his plates shift open. He grabbed her hips, mouth opening as she pulled him in for a kiss.

Her tongue brushed against his before pulling away, hearing him whine underneath her.

“Did you _think_ of me?”

“Every time,” he groaned as her hips jutted into his at the thought of him stroking his cock with her on his mind.

“You mentioned you had plans?” he shivered as she panted in his ear, “Was it something you thought about me with.”

“I wanted to ever since you started this,” he confessed as she absent-mindedly began to unlatch his shirt, “I regretted not doing it while I had the chance.”

“Well, I’m right here,” his grip tightened on her.

He lifted her as he stood up, her hands grasping his chest as she giggled. She got dumped on the bed and she grabbed the hem of her shirt before he put his hands on hers, something fierce in his eyes as he shook his head.

“Let me,” was all he had to say and she lay back, letting him slowly take off her tank top.

He struggled with her bra, his eyebrows pinched together in a way she usually only saw when he was calibrating. Eventually, he tossed it behind her, Shepard about to tease him when he curled his tongue around her nipple. His other hand went cup her other breast, rolling the nipple between his fingers and she whined.

“Garrus,” she gasped, fingers beginning to massage the back of his head and she nearly snarled as he pulled away.

“You’re distracting me,” he said and she just dug a bit more firmly into the skin.

“There was this vid I saw,” he said before dragging his tongue across her lower rib jutting out of her skin.

“Naughty?”

He nodded before moving to the side, dragging his tongue across the fine hairs there.

“A turian buried his head between this human woman’s legs,” he kept moving down, tongue trailing down her stomach every time he stopped talking as he could feel the way she panted, “and now that I’ve smelt you.”

His fingers curled around her pants, slipping under her panties as well.

“I want to know if you taste just as good as you smell.”

He stripped her with a single pull, her pants and panties tossed behind him to land somewhere near her bra. She was so wet, a shiver going down her spine, his hands resting on her thighs before she shook her head.

“Socks,” she wiggled her toes, “It’s weird if they’re not off.”

He rolled his eyes before pulling them off as well before opening her labia with his fingers. He rubbed her clit and she writhed before he pulled away, hands pushing her hips down. She whined and he moved in, tongue pressing against her clit as it replaced his finger.

She began to pant, pleasure building up as he thoroughly explored her. He prodded her for responses, moving his tongue one way to take note of her reaction. She mewled as his tongue curled around her and he squeezed it in response.

Her thighs began to squeeze his face as electric pleasure rippled from between her legs in waves. Her back arched into his mouth as best she could as she neared that edge. Mouth popping open before she sobbed her release, eyes closed as all she could feel was his mandibles against her thighs.

She ebbed from the edge before realising he still had his tongue on her clit. Before she could ask he slid his tongue into her and she gasped, body tensing up. She was still sensitive, whining as he rubbed against her walls. He prodded, looking for that spot he knew would make her scream.

When he found it he rubbed against it, hearing her groan and whine. She felt herself plummet again, body tensing as the world turned white. When she had returned to reality Garrus was sitting next to her, stroking her waist.

Her hands stuck out, squeezing slightly and he leant over into her grip. She finished unlatching his shirt, cool hands splaying across his plates as she revealed his chest.

“I want to feel you,” was all she said and he unlatched his pants as well.

He was ready, cock sliding into her and feeling the way she twitched with the stimulation. He rocked into her, eyes meeting hers as she leant up to kiss him. Plates slapping against wet skin began to fill the air, Garrus’ hands resting on her hips to feel the muscles in her stomach shift with each thrust.

“I’m going to…” he gasped, cock twitching inside of her.

Her legs just wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer, his arms moving to hold his body up on both sides of her before his body shuddered his release as he buried his head into the sheets next to her. Deep moans vibrated through his body into her, heat building up inside of her as he filled her with his sperm.

He just panted for breath, feeling her fingers begin to trail across his shoulders. He eased out of her pressing his lips against his cheeks before pushing himself up.

“I don’t have that many pillows yet,” she murmured, “but please stay if you can.”

He couldn’t help that softness creeping into his voice, “Of course.”

He shifted onto the bed pulling the sheet over him before Shepard pushed herself up. With a murmured explanation she left for the bathroom, returning a few minutes later wearing a shirt and shorts. She curled up into his grip and despite how uncomfortable he was on that bed he found sleep with her warmth.

* * *

He woke to a soft feeling, gently easing him from sleep. His eyes opened to see Shepard sitting next to him. Her eyes were soft, fingers trailing down his carapace while he heard a faint humming rumbling from her chest. He tilted his head, looking at her inquisitively until a smile broke across her face.

“I just missed you.”

His hand moved to rest on hers, “I missed you too.”

She suddenly poked his chest, her tongue sticking out of her mouth as she blew a raspberry.

“What are you doing?” he looked at her incredulously and she just kept poking him.

“It’s just…” she prodded him to make a point, a ‘pllbbbt’ coming from her, “You know?”

She went for another poke and he grasped her hand, yanking him towards him. He quickly grabbed her other hand before she could start the onslaught with that and she giggled, her legs curling up to be closer to him.

“That’s enough of that,” his voice was barely a breath, suddenly struck with undue happiness.

Her eyes shone brightly and he couldn’t help himself, his forehead pressed against hers.

“You know,” she said, her voice soft, “Joker told me blowjobs are traditional for reunions.”

“Really huh?” he dead-panned as she kissed her way down his body feeling his body vibrate under her touch, “How grossed out would he be if I sent a thank you card.”

“He’ll be telling his psychiatrist about it for sure,” her fingers pressed against his slit and his cock slid out.

He gave a small cry at her slim fingers pumping the shaft before her mouth enveloped him. He focused intently, storing the way her mouth sucked at him to memory. He wanted to remember all of this, how warm and tight her throat was around his cock. The sounds of slurping filled the air and he knew he wasn’t going to last long.

His cock began to twitch and she pulled away, his seed shooting up onto her as he came. Sperm dripped down her face to soak into her shirt and he leant forward to press his lips against hers in a kiss. He tasted himself on her before deciding that he liked the look of her coated in him.

“I think I like that tradition.”

“I’m glad you approve,” she hummed, “Now if you don’t mind I’m going to shower before I forget and end up leaving here with turian baby gunk in my hair.”

“It’s the newest fashion statement,” he replied before forcing himself up to get ready for the day.


	21. Feeling like I'm Empty

“So do they not have any shirts or is this just personal liberation,” Shepard asked as she sat down and Kaidan pulled the sheet over his chest.

“I don’t think you get shirts when you go to the hospital,” he said, scratching his head carefully.

“They got those gowns,” she hummed, “the ones where your butt sticks out. Spent half a year in one after Akuze and it was not pleasant.”

“Then I’ll just keep my abs out,” Kaidan said, “Besides the nurses haven’t given me anything.”

“Suns out, guns out.” she tilted her head as she remembered something, digging through her bag, “You like whiskey right? I got this for you.”

“Thanks, Shepard, I’m surprised you even remembered the brand,” Kaidan moved it to his bedside table, “We should crack it open when I’m finally out of here.”

“Of course I remembered,” she smiled, she remembered everything about her crew.

Liara was obsessed with ketchup, Wrex hated the sound of bagpipes, Garrus had a thing about her waist. Admittedly that last one was a bit more recent and personal but it was still tucked into her mind, safe until she needed it.

“So,” he suddenly bit his bottom lip, Shepard tilting her head, “About Horizon and Mars?”

“It hurt, I won’t lie,” Shepard sighed, her eyes looking out the window.

“I know and I’m sorry,” he said, his voice was genuine, “It was just such a shock. I wanted to hope that you were alive but I was there, I saw the Normandy go down. I should have listened to you, at least given you a chance.”

“Garrus, Tali, and Liara did.”

“Garrus was in a shitshow when I found him, I don’t think he had the energy to think about it,” Shepard confessed, “and Liara was the one who turned my body to Cerberus in the first place.”

“Huh,” he said, “You’d think she could’ve mentioned that to anyone.”

“Yeah,” she said dryly.

“You didn’t say anything about Tali.”

“I’m just saying that you aren’t them Kaidan,” she deflected, “You didn’t meet me again in the same situation, you didn’t have the same knowledge. So I’ll accept your apology and I’ll forgive you.”

“It’s in the past now.”

“Yeah,” she smiled, “Time to look towards the future.”

“So your implant,” she asked, “Rattled?”

“That’s not what the doctors said but that’s what I think they meant. Rattled.”

“I found this doctor who specialises in L2’s, she’s got me on this mix of remedies. Some nasty concoction that she won’t tell me what’s in it.”

“I am stronger now,” he said, reaching for a glass of water on his table and taking a sip, “That or the biotics are just getting better with age.”

“Might be you.”

“Are you flirting with me?” he asked and she opened her mouth but he just raised a hand, “I don’t want to know actually, let me live in the illusion.”

* * *

She hated the Alliance formal uniform, it was stiff and unyielding. She was certain there was a metaphor there but she didn’t think about it instead she just focused on the shit-show of a meeting in front of her.

“Why are you so opposed to the idea?” Shepard finally asked.

“My people uplifted the krogan, we know them best. Curing the genophage will only cause war.”

“You mean you used us,” Wrex pointed at her, “to fight a war you couldn’t win.”

“Then you ceased to be useful. The genophage was the only way to keep your ‘urges’ in check.”

“Dalatrass,” Victus leant back, looking over the pair of them with a critical eye, “you may not like him but he’s right, insulting him won’t change that.”

“I won’t apologise for the truth.”

“The Krogan deserve a second chance,” Shepard finally said, “The rebellions were over a thousand years ago, you’re punishing an entire species on the crime of their ancestors.”

“This is all academic,” Victus butted in, “Creating a cure would take years, if we even would still have the resources for it by then.”

“Not according to my sources,” Wrex threw up a vid of krogan’s in containment cages, “A scientist called Maelon grew a conscience and started to develop a cure for the genophage.”

“I remember,” Shepard said, “Whatever his intentions were to start his methods were barbaric.”

“Yes but he was successful. Several krogan women were cured and the Dalatrass ordered STG to cover it up.”

“Is this true?” Victus said.

“It could be a fabrication.”

“Those are my people and they’re immune to the genophage. I’m getting them back.”

“You’re not setting foot on Surkesh,” the Dalatrass screeched, “It’ll take time to…”

“It happens now,” Victus stepped in, “As a Spectre, Shepard can oversee the transfer.”

The Dalatrass’ lips pursed as she realised she was cornered. It took almost an eternity before she finally nodded.

“Let’s go then,” Wrex said as he moved out of the room and Shepard followed him stopping only when she heard the Dalatrass behind her.

“I warn you, Commander, the consequences of this will be felt for centuries.”

“Which is nothing if we let the Reaper’s win.”

* * *

“Garrus is loyal,” she heard Mordin say, “Aggressive, a bit like a Krogan.”

Shepard’s face soured and Eve laughed, Mordin looking around to look at Shepard.

“Don’t offer someone who’s clearly been taken. Besides I’m not interested.”

“Will update notes that your relationship with Garrus is more than stress relief,” Mordin said, “Anything I can help you with.”

She shook her head ad dark feeling brewed in her stomach.

“I just wanted to see how you were settling in.”

“Fine,” Mordin said, “Medbay a bit cold, would recommend blanket for Eve.”

“I’ll requisition one,” she said before leaving, debating heading towards the gun battery.

Instead, she went to the elevator, her mind growing a bit fuzzy. She shook her head, her hand curling as her nails dug into her palm.

Breathe, she reminded herself, he didn’t mean to hurt you.

Lack of intention didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt, this dark feeling that threatened to swallow her. As the door opened to the loft she went to her drawer and got a new set of clothes. She stepped into the shower, as hot as she could.

The steam was still billowing off her body as she stepped out, throwing the clothes on and settling in front of the desk.

If nothing else she could get some work done. She pulled a datapad near her and started filling out her mission report. She sighed as she quickly finished, pulling up an old report as she tried to dig through data to try and find anything anywhere that could help.

She had acquired a few planets, some she had visited years ago while chasing Saren. She was in the middle of another old report when Garrus entered, shocking her as he rested a hand on her shoulder.

“Sorry,” he murmured as she jumped, rubbing her shoulder, “Looks like you’ve been busy.”

“Liara thinks we can still get the prothean drives we found years ago from the wreckage of the first Normandy,” she said, “I wanted to see if there was anything else out there we could use now.”

“You might want to add Klencory,” he added, “There’s a mercenary army there paid to defend a volus from ‘machine devils’.”

“I’ll add it to the list.”

He dug his thumb into the muscle there, being careful to not hurt her as he massaged her. She leant back into the touch and her worries of losing Garrus ebbed away. She hummed as she leant back onto his chest, eyes closing in bliss.

“Thanks, I needed that more than I thought.”

“I figured, your muscles are hard.”

He added another hand and she just melted underneath him. Her eyes lazily opening when he finally pulled away.

“Where’d your models go?” Garrus asked, looking at the empty cabinet in front of them.

“They’re somewhere around the ship,” she said, “I only found the hamster so far, down in engineering.”

“I can try to look for them. I think I’ve even seen new models in some of the shops on the Presidium.”

She just shook her head, something sad but determined in her eyes. Her fingers tightened their grip on the edge of the datapad before she forced a smile.

“I can’t justify doing them anymore,” she said, “They take time and money that I just don’t have.”

“Shepard,” his mandibles clicked against his mouth, he felt a chasm between them right now and he was unsure of what to say.

“It’s okay, big guy,” she pushed herself out of her chair, “I have time for one thing just for me and I decided on you.”

She kissed him, rubbing his chest. Despite his misgivings about what she just said he couldn’t help but lean in, his hands resting on hers and his thumb drawing circles into the skin.

“Shit is it this late?” she pulled away reluctantly, “Sorry Garrus but I gotta get ready for bed.”

He nodded before she slipped away. He heard the tap run in the bathroom while she brushed her teeth and Garrus moved down the steps.

“Hey EDI? Could you do something for me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I'll be able to maintain this upload speed after Christmas but it's entirely possible I may finish it before then. I'm estimating around 30 chapters but I don't want to put that in the description in case I'm wrong. I also have a sequel planned and sorta working on it as well as an angst fic in works as well.


	22. Bright Lights and Overwhelming Sounds

She felt ash burn at the back of her throat and down into her lungs, eyes burning as civilians screamed just from the street next to them. The only one unphased of the condition of Benning was EDI though that might just because she didn’t have the instinct of facial expressions like an organic would.

Garrus’ eyes were gaunt.

They grew darker as they passed the corpse of a mother with her baby, both killed by a shotgun blast.

Shepard slid a hand onto his shoulder, feeling the tenseness of his body. He leant into her touch, despite the armour separating them.

She wished she knew what to say, that those magic words she was famous for would bubble up inside of her. Instead, she hoped that her touch was enough but that didn’t stop the bubble of anxiety in her stomach.

“We have to keep going,” her voice was hoarse, coughing to clear her throat, “We have to focus on the ones we can save.”

“It doesn’t make me feel better,” he drew his gun close to his chest, “but you’re right.”

Her lips pursed together as they pushed on, following the map in their HUD. They found a few Cerberus soldiers on the way, killing them quickly. As Garrus pushed one to the ground - smashing his head in - Shepard knew he was still thinking about the mother they found.

As they drew near the civilians they threw their hands up, bodies shaking with exhaustion.

“Please don’t kill us,” the man said, “We’ll do anything.”

Shepard raised a hand and Garrus and EDI turned around, keeping an eye so nobody could get the drop on them.

“I’m Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy,” Shepard dropped to her knees so she could look them in the eyes, “I’m here to help.”

“Oh thank god,” the woman sobbed, the man curling up next to her.

“We’re going to clear a path to our shuttle,” she said, “You need to stay low and out of the fight. Stick to cover.”

They both gave a shaky nod before Shepard’s comms crackled.

“Commander, there’s movement in the streets above you.”

“Copy that Cortez,” she shouldered her shotgun, “We have to draw them away from here.”

“There is a street over there,” EDI pointed, “We would be noticeable.”

“Sitting with our ass out, huh,” Garrus added.

“We can handle it,” Shepard said, “Move out.”

EDI connected to their armours and a new direction popped up, a second much smaller arrow pointing back to the civilians so they could track their movements while they were fighting. Shepard noticed a group of Cerberus troopers standing in a group and she built up her biotics, hair standing up as she charged at one.

Garrus shot one, dropping to the ground as the bullet went through his skull. Shepard aimed her shotgun up, squeezing it as her targets head exploded. The last trooper tried to back away, finding cover, before Shepard threw a biotic pull at it. The trooper lazily drifted by before EDI electrocuted him with an overload.

Her foot shifted and she heard a slight jingle, looking down to see a dog-tag. She picked it up and stuffed it into her pocket, reminding herself to look at it later.

“To the left!” Garrus called out and she threw another pull, yanking the shield from the Guardian so Garrus could kill with a concussive round.

The world began to melt away as Shepard charged from one enemy to the other, throwing out other biotics when needed. It wasn’t until Cortez rang through her comm that she realised the enemies were all dead.

“C’mon,” she huffed, pain beginning to shoot up from her biotic amp, “Let’s head back.”

She just smiled awkwardly as the civilians thanked her, giving nothing more than platitudes in response. It wasn’t until later after she poured a mug of hot tea with honey to sooth her throat that she could finally look at the name-tags.

_Bilal Osaba_

* * *

Her head began to throb, the bright lights around her making the back of her eyes burn. Her fingers rubbed against her temple before wincing as the voice rang out through the elevator about making a selection.

Handing Bilal’s nametags to his father only exasperated the problem, Shepard’s shoulder’s raising at the mere presence of another person in her space. He thanked her and she nodded, not knowing whether her mother was alive was constantly bouncing around her head.

She hummed as she debated fleeing to the Normandy and dimming the lights. Instead, she went to the refugee camp, letting the Batarian preacher know that the Pillars of strength were at the Normandy. She vaguely remembered Garrus mentioning that he was going here to help the Turian refugees and she kept walking.

She passed the haphazard medical centre before she heard his voice. He was frustrated, she could hear it in the tinge of his voice. If she was closer he could see the way his shoulders tense and his voice had that tinge just slightly outside of her hearing.

“Keep on it,” she waited outside of the wall of crates that were being used to make rooms while he talked to a soldier, “Some of these wounded don’t have much time.”

“Yes sir.”

The turian left and she slipped in, Garrus looking up from his omni-tool at her footsteps. His face softened, that look in his eyes that she was noticing more and more when he was around her.

“Shepard,” there was a moment of tenderness before they both put their masks on, acting like professional teammates and nothing more.

“Convinced the counsel to take some of our wounded,” his eyebrows furrowed in a very human expression, “Nowhere else to go.”

“How bad?”

“More dead than injured,” he said, watching her eyes pinch as her head ached in time with crying somewhere else in the room, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she rubbed her forehead, “just a headache.”

“Do what you can for them,” she finally said, looking around.

“We’ll try but for a lot of them, sympathy is all we can offer.”

She winced again and he stepped forward, concern on his face. She could see the thoughts on his face, rewording his last question so she couldn’t dodge it so easily.

“How are you holding up?”

“It’s loud,” she finally said, “Bright. It’s too much and there’s no place to rest.”

“Then find a place,” he said.

“Yeah because _Commander Shepard_ needs to be at her best for everyone.”

She turned to look at her VI, but Garrus shook his head and she tilted hers as she looked up at him.

“Not only because of all these people need you,” Garrus said before his voice went soft, reverent before confessing, “because I need you.”

“Okay,” she felt small before taking a deep breath, “I think I’m going to head home for the day. I’ll see you later.”

* * *

The lights were off when he got to the loft, only the aquarium was glowing dimly. He noticed jellyfish swimming through them, thinking they looked familiar before his gaze turned to the lump on the bed.

She was clearly asleep as her soft breaths filled the room. Her arm was curled next to her, her other hand in a position that let him surmise that she’d been on her omni-tool before passing out, the tool automatically shutting down after a minute or two of not input.

He softened his feet, keeping his pace light. He had sat down on the bed and was pulling off his boots when she stirred next to him.

“Shhh,” he hummed, “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” she rolled to turned to him, “The dark helped.”

“Good to hear,” he finally got his other boot off, “I’m glad you got some sleep.”

“I’m fine for sleep,” she yawned and he just gave her a look.

“You might be able to lie to Chakwas but I’m up here,” he brushed her hair off her forehead, “I know humans need more than four or five hours a night.”

“What about you?” she asked, “you’re not sleeping well either.”

Damn, he thought as that hope that she didn’t notice shattered.

“You got me there. Though I don’t supplement my waking hours with caffeine. Chakwas will kill you when she finds out you have a pallet of energy drinks up here.”

“That’s if she finds out,” she just simply said, “What time is it?”

“Late, I was about to head to bed.”

“I should get more work done,” she tried to push herself up but Garrus just put his hand on her shoulder.

“We’re on leave remember,” he got that cocky look in his eye as he teased her, “I seem to remember this Commander this morning telling everyone to go out and have fun.”

“Insubordination,” she pouted, “I should have expected this.”

“I learnt from the best.”

The corner of her mouth quirked up and his chest began to rumble as he purred.

“If only there was someone to show me the benefits of staying in bed,” she tapped her chin, something playful in her eyes while she sat up with her legs curled underneath her, “A handsome turian maybe?”

He couldn’t help the way his chest puffed up at the compliment. That purr in his chest grew as he massaged her waist, pushing himself closer.

“I _am_ into strapping C-Sec officers,” she said, “Maybe I should try to find Chellick.”

“That’s enough from you,” he pushed her into the bed, her mouth on his.

She laughed before her fingers went to her chest, stripping him in a deftness he returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know the more affectionate moments are intentional. I think you should probably notice that it's mostly Shepard initiating. 
> 
> It'll pay off is all I'm saying.


	23. Our Only Weakness

“So in a fight between you and Shepard,” Wrex leant over the table, looking Vega right in the eye, “Who’d win.”

“She already kicked my ass,” James said without thinking, “Broke my nose.”

“Ha!” he slapped Shepard's shoulders and she nearly flew into her food, “Good for you, getting the rookies in line.”

“So you just ask people who they think would win between them and Shepard?” Cortez asked, eating a bite of food.

“He asked everyone on the first Normandy as well,” Garrus said, Victus looking amused between everyone.

“What did you say?” Victus asked and Garrus went silent before Shepard leant forward with a grin on her face.

“He went, ‘Shepard is a commanding officer and that would be impudence to challenge her’,” her hands rose in the air as Garrus groaned, “I turned to Wrex and told him I could kick his scrawny turian ass.”

“It’s hardly skinny,” he added.

“I still can,” she said, “I could kick all your asses.”

Traynor was suddenly interested in her food with her face burning while Liara looked away awkwardly. Garrus just leant forward, a smug look on his face.

“I doubt it,” Garrus’ eyes gleamed and Wrex laughed.

“You gonna take that Shepard?”

“Vega,” she said, “How fast can you set up the sparring mats?”

“Oh shit,” he suddenly stood up, excitement radiating from him, “give me five minutes.”

“So Vakarian,” she leant back, her leg crossing, “You ready to eat those words.”

“Are you?”

“I gotta change, I’ll meet you down there Vakarian,” she stood up with a wide smile on her face before running to the elevator.

He found himself in the cargo bay, undersuit on. Shepard was to the side, her fingers twined together before she raised her arms above her head. Garrus looked away at the way her body shifted, breasts lifting with the movement as he could see the strain of her stomach muscles underneath her tight tanktop. Her choice of pants didn’t help either, they were black and extremely tight. Some sort of elastic material that really showed off her waist.

“I’m surprised we haven’t sparred yet,” her voice was light, throwing out a few practice punches as she kept her left fist close to her face.

“Because you’re too busy headbutting krogans,” he retorted and she just laughed.

They stood on the mat, sizing each other up until Vega started them. He went to grab her and she just deftly dodged the side.

She’s fast, he thought. He’d beat her if they were running distance but she had agility that he physically couldn’t plus he already knew how flexible she could be.

He’d have to count on strength and his reach, his arms physically longer than his.

Except she rushed towards him, Garrus barely had time what she was doing before she hoisted herself up onto his chest. Her legs curled up around the curve of his back and he felt himself falling before he comprehended what happened. Her hand was above his throat as Vega declared the match over.

“You forgot about physics,” she said, “all of your mass is in your shoulders, it doesn’t take much to topple you over.”

“Okay,” he pushed himself up, that same cocky grin that got him in this mess plastered across his face, “Another round.”

As they started again he kept his arms directly in front of him, keeping her from pushing into his space again. She pushed them to the side, her foot leveraged itself behind his knee before pushing him back to the ground with a hand on his shoulder.

“Shit,” he said, hearing Vega call it again.

“C’mon Vakarian,” she helped him up, “I’m even being nice about this.”

“Are you?”

“We’re trained to rip your mandibles out of your sockets and your fringes back until we hear something pop,” she said and both him and Victus winced, “so yes, I _am_ being nice. It’s not my fault you forgot I’m special forces.”

“I’ll even be nicer this time, no more toppling you over.”

For the third time they got into position, Garrus looking her over. He needed to keep her away, immediately throwing a punch as Vega started them again. She just dodged it, using his momentum to get close enough to punch his chest.

He winced as she hit between plates, realising that she knew exactly where his tender spots were. And her tender spots were something that was completely socially unacceptable to go for.

Damnit, he thought, she knew that too.

Even now without using his own body mass against his, she had the advantage, he thought as she kept dancing away from his lunges. He felt his arms began to tire, he was getting nothing for the amount of energy he was expending and he finally remembered that humans were endurance hunters.

She’s trying to tire me out, he realised, I’ll just have to go for it.

Her fist met with his nose and he felt blood drip down his mouth plate. She murmured an apology and her pose wavered for a second. He pushed forward, hands going for her waist before pushing her to the ground.

His hands whipped off of her as he remembered Victus was watching. He had a feeling the primarch already knew that they were closer than Garrus would tell but he didn’t need to confirm it for him.

Some things were just for him.

“See,” she said, smile on her face, “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

“Stop patronizing me,” he said as he pushed himself up.

If she hadn’t been distracted her plan probably would have worked, he’d be too exhausted to fight and she would have moved in for the kill.

“I bet against you Garrus,” Wrex said, “Don’t take it personally but that woman is practically krogan in temperament. I still get questions from other krogan's about her after Grunt’s rite of passage.”

“Don’t remind me of that,” he felt an ache deep in his body, “she’s still proud of that.”

“She’s an interesting fighter,” Victus said, “She knows where her advantage lies and she pulls others to fight on uneven footing. She knew she couldn’t win in a straight fight so she used your weaknesses to her advantage. It’s no wonder they scouted her for the Spectre’s, I think I understand her career a bit better.”

Later before crawling into bed, she pressed a kiss against his nose while mumbling another apology and his hands tightened as he realised he figured out her weakness.

* * *

“So your sons all grown up,” Garrus teased her and she sighed.

“Yeah li’l Grunt’s out there with his shotgun just like his mama,” she responded and James looked between them.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I did technically birth him but it was from a tank,” she said, eyes bright as started to make her way through the pre-fab, “Do I not walk straight or something?”

“I…” he started before the building began to shift, leaning further into the crevasse.

Shepard pushed him and Garrus out of the doorway with her biotics right before the building tumbled down. Their bodies fell against the metal as the wall became the floor and she felt herself tumble out of the door to hit the ground.

“Shit,” she lay on the ground, her body still aching from the sudden impact.

“You okay?” Garrus landed next to her, reaching a hand out and she grasped it.

“I’m going to hurt tomorrow for sure.”

“You okay Shepard!” Grunt roared into the canyon from above and she took a deep breath.

“Yeah!” she said, “We’re pressing on!”

With that they moved into the dark creepy cave, their shoulders raising at the oppressive feeling radiating from every corner. They ran across a dead krogan, body battered and gnawed from something Shepard didn’t like.

“Poor bastard,” Garrus said as Shepard leant down.

“We found one of the old team,” Shepard said, “Dead.”

“Take his weapon if he still has it,” Grunt responded before she heard the bang of a shotgun, “He doesn’t need it now.”

“Copy that.”

She grabbed the flame thrower and quickly fired the mesh keeping them from moving on. They all grimaced at the eggs lining the ground in front of them.

“It kinda reminds me of that old horror movie,” James said as one of them exploded and squirted acid everywhere, “Alien.”

“You know,” Garrus whispered, “I’m going to make a horror movie called Human and see how you like that.”

“Sorry Scars,” James whispered back as they made their way up.

“The sequels more of an action film,” Shepard added, “You might actually like it Garrus, the person with common sense survives.”

“I’ll think about it,” he dryly said, “maybe after we’re out of this creepy place.”

Shepard’s lips pursed as they kept going, the overwhelming smell of mildew and something else was pushing into their sinus’. She was debating putting a helmet on when the ground shook and they all dashed forward to just barely miss the ceiling crash on top of them.

“That was close,” was all James had to offer and their comms crackled to life.

“You okay Shepard?” Grunt asked.

“Yeah, we’re fine.”

“Good, I didn’t want to have to dig you out.”

“That hurts my feelings Grunt,” a ghost of a smile crossed Shepard’s face while he just dismissed her.

“Yeah, yeah.”

It was just a bit further when she noticed a krogan corpse behind some mesh. She burnt it to see if he had anything confirming his identity. When she picked up his datapad it flickered on, a familiar voice ringing out.

 _“Oh, Blue Rose of Illium,”_ Shepard felt her eyes prickle and her lips drew thin as she realised who it was.

She felt regret, it seemed the right decision at the time helping Ereba get back together with her boyfriend Charr. It also came with a discount which Shepard always appreciated.

All of our actions - and she hated this reminder - have influences big and small.

“C’mon,” she said as the recording stopped, “We need to finish this.”

* * *

“I…” Ereba said, the woman shrinking with her face pinching together in grief, “I need to go.”

Then she was gone, Shepard stepping back in a daze. She barely noticed that she had moved to one of the many alcoves in the presidium. She just watched cars drive by, her hands clasped together. They tightened before she let go to pinch the bridge of her nose.

“Love, huh?” she whispered, “What a kick in the quad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised yesterday that with the last chapter I have doubled the length of this fic since it went on hiatus.   
> Next chapter will be curing the genophage. I gotta move on.


	24. Into the Maw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long. 
> 
> Also, I added the krogan skulls that are supposed to be at the Hollows bc that always bothered me. And I don't call Eve as female bc that always bothered me.

Ensign Copeland looked exasperated, just trying to sit here and enjoy his bottle of Tupari while a reporter in a slinky dress harassed him.

“That’s the Normandy right?” she pestered him, “It was last seen on Earth. So Shepard must be here.”

“And if she’s here it must be to see the counsel.”

He looked behind her to see Shepard just stand there, watching the pair of them with a bottle of Tupari in hand as well. She cracked open the lid and took a sip, all while waiting to see if the reporter would turn around. Shepard wondered if she should call the crew down here, see how many could stand here until she noticed.

“I still cannot discuss what my mission may or may not be,” Please save me, his eyes were begging.

“You don’t have to, Commander Shepard!”

Shepard moved to right behind her shoulder before taking a long obnoxious sip of her beverage. The woman whipped around to presumably yell at her before her face went slack.

“You’ve just been standing there?”

“For about five minutes yes,” she responded before gesturing for Copeland to leave, “I will point out my crew is on leave and shore leave is sacred.”

“Sorry about that,” she looked sheepish before standing upright.

“Well Commander,” she said, “I’m Diana Allers, Alliance News Network. My producers want me on an Alliance ship and I want that ship to be the Normandy.”

“Why?”

“Well it’s the Normandy for one,” she said.

“Okay but why should I?” she said, “I don’t have the best reputation with reporters.”

“So I’ve seen,” she laughed, “But wars can be won or lost in the editing room. We _need_ to win this war. I work alone and you get veto power over anything I are.”

“You good with that or should I keep looking?”

“We’ll try it out,” Shepard scratched her chin, “You’ll get one footlocker so pack light.”

“Aye-aye,” she saluted and Shepard just responded by sipping loudly.

* * *

“Is that my prothean orb?” Shepard asked, peering into the room and Garrus immediately groaned.

“Shepard don’t,” he said, he hated that thing and the hum it made.

“Son of a bitch,” she picked up a datapad, “It IS my prothean orb. Fucking Gardner stole it.”

“Says here that he was integrated,” EDI picked up the datapad.

“Now I feel bad,” she said, “Fucking Cerberus, he doesn’t deserve that.”

“We’ll fight for him too,” Garrus said before he groaned even louder as she tucked it under her arm, “you going to fight through waves of Cerberus enemies with that?”

“Of course,” she said before downloading files on a medi-gel experiment, “Only Cerberus would count ‘advancement towards hanar's absorption’ as a failure.”

“If my study of organic literature is right I believe this will end up being a situation where one of you sleeps on the couch,” EDI added and Garrus at least looked sheepish.

Shepard just laughed before they left, heading down the stairs towards the reaper sample, “It’ll be Garrus because it’s my bed and my orb.”

“It’ll be neither of us,” he said, “Because you’re assuming that Javik will let you keep that.”

“What a twist,” she said, starting the decryption on the shielding for the sample, “Javik will be the one sleeping on the couch.”

“Hopefully not on yours,” he said as they ducked into cover, Shepard laying the prothean orb carefully down, “I think that would kill the mood.”

Garrus convinced her to at least put the orb in the shuttle with the Reaper artefact. After Cortez had to bug out and they were facing wave after wave of Cerberus troops he was grateful that she listened to him with that. They jumped onto the shuttle and they took off, Shepard grabbing the orb and putting it in her lap.

“Hey EDI,” she said, “Don’t let Liara or Javik know about this.”

“Affirmative.”

“Garrus,” she pointed a finger at him and he just sighed.

“As much as I hate that thing I won’t,” he said, “I think either one of them would probably be obnoxious with it.”

Shepard laughed again and he couldn’t help but be pleased with himself, EDI watching the two of them with interest. Garrus swept away the unease, knowing EDI was just interesting in their well-being in her own way.

Shepard’s plan to keep it secret didn’t last longer than the time it took the Kodiak doors to open, Javik whipping around to see the orb in Shepard’s arm.

“Hand that over,” he said, storming over and Shepard’s grip tightened.

“Look over there,” she pointed, “Is that an Oeinke?”

He heard his translator glitch but the prothean whipped around to look at where she pointed and Shepard ran to the elevator when his back turned.

“Primitive,” he growled and she just shrugged as the elevator doors closed.

“Did she just speak prothean to distract you?” Garrus asked and Javik’s face soured even more.

“I am the fool for believing her.”

* * *

“We’re heading to the Hollows,” Wrex leant forward, everyone shifting as the tomkah went over Tuchanka’s rocky terrain, “It’s as sacred as any place can be for the krogan.”

“It’s where your father attacked you right?” Shepard said and Garrus looked at Wrex in surprise, “Jarrod arranged a meeting and when you wouldn’t join him he turned.”

He didn’t know that.

“Your memory is uncanny Shepard,” Wrex said, “You’re nearly a drell.”

She laughed before shaking her head, “It’s not that good.”

Garrus’ grip tightened on the handle next to him as Shepard looked forward again. There was something troubling her but Garrus didn’t know if he should bring it up or wait until they were alone later.

“Is something the matter?” Eve asked, Garrus breathing a sigh of relief, “Is there something troubling you?”

Shepard touched her fingers to her thumb, moving through them before taking a deep breath.

“I…” the tomkah hit a rough patch and she nearly flew out the chair, Garrus grabbing her shoulder and pulling her back.

“Wrex,” a krogan voice rang out, “There’s reaper forces at the hollows. Come out with guns blazing.”

“Let’s go,” Wrex said, “Time to spill reaper blood.”

They rushed out of the tomkah and down a staircase into a room that opened up into the sky. Rubble was scattered everywhere and krogan skulls lined the walls around them, staring down at the three of them.

“Goddess,” Liara’s eyes were wide and Garrus wondered if this was an archaeologist’s dream.

“It looks like the catacombs in Paris,” Shepard said in awe before a husk crawled over the edge of the cement platform they were on.

“Protect Eve!” Shepard shouted before charging, Liara using a singularity to pull some husks who were trying to climb up out into the abyss.

Garrus’ sniper rifle was surprisingly quiet, the sound muffled by the skulls around them. He used that to his advantage, sniping off a few before they could realise exactly where he was. Shepard smashed in the skull of the last one, reaper ichor coating her armour when the door behind them opened.

“They’ll sing battle songs about this someday!” Wrex exclaimed, “Reaper blood has finally soaked Tuchanka soil.”

Krogan began to gather, surrounding Wrex and one pushed to the front as Mordin came out.

“What’s he doing here?”

“This salarian is not your enemy,” Garrus watched as Shepard pushed between the two krogan with anxiety in his chest, “He’s here to cure the genophage.”

A desperate noise began to rumble around them, the krogan either disbelieving or having the first bit of hope in centuries. Garrus just kept an eye on the new krogan - Wrex’s broodbrother Wreav by Wrex’s own admittance.

“We don’t invite aliens into our home,” Wreav snarled, “We drown them in a river of blood.”

Wrex headbutted Wreav and the krogan’s around them began to grunt as a fight looked like it was going to start.

“Enough,” Eve’s deep voice rang through the room, everyone’s head snapping up to look at the krogan woman.

“You can sit here and let old wounds fester like krogan have always done,” she started to walk down, a new reverence rumbling through the air, “or you can fight for our future. I choose to fight, who stands with me?”

“I will,” Shepard said, stepping forward.

She was tiny, surrounded by much bulkier krogan but she looked galactic in Garrus’ eyes. Wrex immediately stood forward, standing next to Shepard before adding.

“So will I.”

“C’mon,” Wrex shouted, “There’s a reaper that needs killing!”

* * *

“I don’t care if we have to build a new damn road,” Shepard shouted at the krogan near them, “We’re not staying here.”

The Reaper screamed before shooting a beam, cutting through several fighters.

“My wings shot,” a turian pilot screeched in panic as the fighter rushed to the ground near them, “I can’t pull up.”

It crashed into a tomkah and flipping it up into the air, Shepard felt herself being pushed back by the explosion and her hearing was suddenly replaced by a high-pitch whine. She pushed herself up onto her butt to have Wrex’s voice slowly ease into her hearing.

“...pard?”

“Go!” she waved, “Get Eve out of here, we’ll find another route.”

The tomkah’s began to move, pushing forward. As the last left, she stood up, her body aching as she offered a hand to Garrus.

“C’mon,” she said, checking over her armour, “We gotta go.”

They moved to the opening in the rubble near them, Shepard’s knee gave out and she stumbled for a moment after they leapt across. Garrus was watching her in concern but Shepard just waved him off.

“I’m just bruised,” she said, “I’ll be fine.”

They moved into the dark tunnel, the smell of radioactive dust making her nose crinkle instinctively. She just holstered her shotgun, sweeping the walls with the flashlight on the end.

“Goddess,” Liara’s fingers were just barely touching the fresco, keeping her prints off of the painting, “This is incredible.”

“This implies an artistic cultural side to the krogan,” Liara was enthused and Shepard was suddenly struck with nostalgia.

“Are you going to be like this with every planet we go to?” she finally asked, Ilos clear in her mind.

“Only ones with archaeological significance,” Liara smiled before they pushed on.

Then everything shook, arms out as they tried to not topple over. Then it stopped, the world around them overwhelmingly silent.

“You feeling these tremors?” she finally asked Wrex and he responded no.

“It could be something else,” Eve said, “It is said that Kalros the mother of thresher maws lives in that area.”

Shepard’s mouth tightened as they pushed on, practically a thin line when they came across the painting of Kalros. Her presence exemplified by how small the krogan were in the painting.

“Well shit,” she said, “I do not want to meet that so let’s get the fuck out of here.”

* * *

“I want you to know,” Wrex stepped towards her, his eyes fierce and his arm extended towards her, “You’ve been a champion of the krogan people, a friend to clan Urdnot, and a sister to me.”

“From this day forward,” he said, her hand grasping his forearm, “The name Shepard will mean hero.”

She tightened her grip, an overwhelmed look on her face. Then it melted away to her eyebrows furrowed, a smile on her face as determination filled her.

“Thank you,” was all she said before he pulled away, shouldering his shotgun.

“I am Urdnot Wrex,” he screamed, smashing the nearest Ravager’s sack, “and this is my planet!”

They ran towards the Reaper, Shepard muttering ‘Shit’ as it fired at them and they tumbled to the ground.

“Did we just get shot at by a Reaper?” Garrus asked.

“Consider it practice,” Shepard said, “Keep to cover, stay out of that beam.”

They dashed from side to side, running forward to the next piece of rubble. Shepard looked forward to see a bridge with nothing to hide behind, cursing under her breath when Artemis wing flew overhead.

“We’ll give that Reaper something else to shoot at,” Shepard sighed in relief as the fighters engaged the Reaper.

“I knew they wouldn’t give up,” Garrus said before they leapt from cover.

It was a mess, brutes rushing at them while they had to dodge the feet of the Reaper. Shepard got thrown back by the shockwave to leap up to miss a brute’s attack by inches. She got one hammer going and she could barely see through the dust the battle was kicking up.

“You gotta get that other hammer going,” Wrex said in her ear.

“There’s a Reaper in my way Wrex!” she screamed and he just laughed.

“I know, you get all the fun.”

Coughing as she got onto the next platform she pushed the ancient interface, the maw hammer beginning to slam into the ground. Everything shook and she gestured for Liara and Garrus to go as she headed for the Shroud.

She could feel the dirt on her face, her eyes burning from dust collecting in them. She saw Mordin run forward as well, moving to the nearest console to type at it.

“Need to input cure manually,” he said, pushing away, “No time to compensate cure for STG sabotage.”

“You’re going up there?” Shepard asked, “It’s falling apart.”

“Please Shepard,” Mordin said, “My work. My cure. My responsibility.”

“Something I need to do myself.”

She looked at him a few tears slipping lose to mingle with the dirt on her face. She tried to smile at him, sniffling.

“It had to be you right?” her gauntlet smeared tears across her face, a streak of dirt up into her forehead.

Mordin’s face softened before nodding, “Someone else would’ve gotten it wrong.”

With that he was gone, the elevator ascending into the collapsing tower. Tears flowed freely from Shepard as she heard him sing, running side to side as she dodged the debris coming down.

* * *

“It’s my boys,” Shepard said, leaning on Joker’s chairs, “Having fun?”

“Don’t call me that,” Jeff said, “I’ll call HR on you two.”

“You can call HR on me all you want, I’m a Spectre,” She said, “They can’t really do much.”

“And I’m not Alliance,” Garrus added.

“This isn’t fair,” he sighed, “I’m being harassed at work.”

“Hardly,” Shepard said, “You decided to be here after stealing the Normandy _three times_.”

“Shit,” he said looking at the ground and Garrus tapped her shoulder, the two of them stepping back more into the CIC.

“You okay about Mordin?” he asked and her face immediately fell, those growing shadows around her eyes becoming more obvious each day.

“I think he’d like going out like this,” she finally said, “He fixed his mistakes.”

“It still hurts doesn’t it?” he asked and she nodded, her nightmare still fresh in her mind.

He rubbed her shoulder and she sighed, leaning into his touch.

“Now there’s going to be krogan singing songs about you,” he said, “I’d say that’s an honour.”

“Yeah,” her face got some of that perk back, “that definitely feels good.”

“Been a,” her hand cut a wave through the air, “kind of day.”

“How many krogan do you think will be named Shepard from now on?” he smiled at her, mandibles widening, “Honoured battlemaster, Grunt said it himself.”

“Stop,” she said while pushing his shoulder.

He got an actual smile from her and he felt good, a sort of happiness that sank through his whole body to his bones.

“Oh Joker!” she leant back to call into the cockpit, “We’re going to the Citadel, apparently Udina’s being slimy.”

“When isn’t he?”


	25. Guide This One

"Something's wrong," Joker said, Shepard leaning over his chair to look at him, "I'm only getting their automated systems, not a live person."

Her eyebrows pinched together, she didn't like this. The timing just didn't feel right.

"Try emergency channels," Shepard's fingers dug into the leather.

"... C-Sec compromised…” Thane’s voice rang through the cockpit.

“Thane?” she said, “It’s Shepard. What’s going on?”

“Cerberus has taken the station,” his deep voice vibrated through the room, “Cerberus troopers are all over the wards. I was with Kaidan but he said he had to go to the Council. I’m trying to get to C-Sec headquarters.”

“Why C-Sec?”

“Headquarters has been compromised and C-Sec’s response depends on it.”

“We’ll head down in a shuttle,” she said, “Thanks Thane, keep safe.”

“Will you?”

She didn’t have a response to that, gesturing EDI to follow and calling for Garrus over the intercom.

* * *

They dropped onto C-Sec’s landing zone, officers around them quickly becoming overwhelmed with the amount of Cerberus troopers. The shuttle had barely stopped when Shepard charged forward, knocking back a trooper over the rails and he screamed while he fell to his death.

“Shepard!” she could hear Bailey but she ignored him, instead she moved onto the next target with a biotic explosion.

Smoke from Cerberus grenades billowed up into the air and Shepard just sighed, gathering biotic energy into her fist to shoot in front of her. She heard a grunt and she aimed her shotgun right where she heard it. The Cerberus Centurion’s shield went down, Shepard shooting him again.

She charged the next enemy as the Centurion finally went down. As the last Cerberus troop fell, Shepard ran over to where she heard Bailey.

“You alright?” she said and he refused her medi-gel.

“I’m breathing,” he said, “I can get the door if nobody interrupts me with a bullet this time.”

Shepard lead the way as they walked down the halls, everyone keeping a gun up. They reached a desk and Bailey sat down, quickly typing into the console.

“There,” he said, “I set up a new channel.”

Shepard’s omni-tool flashed as he sent over the codes.

“Huh,” Bailey said while looking on the screen, “Says here the Salarian councillor is here to see the Executor.”

“Does it say why?”

“No but it’s usually to nail someone big,” he said, “Guess that someone had Cerberus friends.”

“The salarian councillor mentioned Udina,” Garrus said and Shepard looked at him, “but does he have this influence?”

“You know who’d know the answer to that?” Bailey said, “The councillor.”

“I’ll head over the executor’s office then,” Shepard said, “See if he isn’t there or if there aren’t any clues.”

“Good luck,” Bailey said before turning back to the console, trying to stitch together C-Sec.”

* * *

Shepard felt a nauseating wave of nostalgia. The smell of guns firing and the haphazard array of corpses reminded her too much of Saren’s attack on the Citadel. She wondered if it was a pattern, something repeating itself again and again.

It did look like there was Reaper tech in the Illusive man.

“Richmond? Lamont?” Garrus called out into C-Sec’s hallways, “You there?”

Shepard’s stomach twisted itself into a knot, hoping that the next bodies they saw weren’t them.

“You are increasing our chances of detection,” EDI said, holding her pistol ready as they moved forward.

“If the gunfire isn’t tipping them off I sure won't.”

They slid into an elevator after killing the Engineer trying to tamper with it. Shepard took a deep breath, enjoying the small slice of quiet after the horrors they saw.

“We’re nearly there,” Garrus’ voice had a metallic tinge to it, “There’ll be a large room with admitting in there and just up the stairs.”

“Garrus?”

“I’m fine Shepard,” his gaze was firm, “just focus on the mission.”

“Just up those stairs on the far side,” Garrus said while they ran across the room, sweeping the walls with their guns.

They made their way to the office, looking around the office for the Councillor.

“I’m at the Executor’s office,” she said, “no sign of the Councillor.”

“If you don’t find a body don’t count him out yet.”

Shepard looked out the window to see a chair at one of the desk roll out, the Salarian councillor appearing from behind it.

“Was…” Shepard asked, “Was he down there the whole time and he didn’t try to alert us?”

“I guess,” Garrus said before someone else appeared, a human male in all black.

“Well shit,” Shepard blew out of the window with a biotic blast before leaping out.

“Three on one buddy,” she raised a gun at him, “It’s over.”

“No,” he rasped and Shepard rolled her eyes, “now it’s fun.”

“We’re dead Shepard,” the Councillor said.

“That remains to be seen.”

“No it’s Udina,” he said, “he’s getting ready to hand over the Council to Cerberus.”

“Not while I’m here.”

Shepard threw a pull at the Councillor, pulling him out of the way. EDI reaching out to catch him before the assassin’s blade tried to sink in. A drell hand yanked the man back, the assassin trying to turn around and shoot him.

Thane sidestepped it and the assassin pulled out a blade, the two of them moving at a dizzying speed. Shepard just kept her gun up, waiting to see if she could try to hit the assassin without hurting Thane.

Instead, the blade went cleanly through Thane’s stomach.

Thane gave a grunt of pain, his gun tumbling to the floor as blood dripped from the open wound in the drell’s stomach. The assassin pulled his blade free before turning and running.

“Thane!” Shepard screamed as she ran towards the assassin.

She pulled out her gun, shooting as the man got into a car and drove away. She lowered her gun but she kept hearing someone shooting. She looked to see Thane propped up in the doorway, shooting as well.

“Thane,” her voice was quiet, drawing close.

“Go,” he rasped, hand resting on his stomach, “I have time.”

She nodded before heading off, hoping he wasn’t lying to her.

* * *

“He’s trying but I’m making his elevator stop on every floor,” Bailey’s voice crackled and Shepard laughed.

“Nice.”

“There’s the council’s elevator,” Bailey said as their elevator overtook theirs.

“C’mon,” Shepard said and they leapt across.

“Look out,” they heard Kaidan’s muffled voice, “Gunman.”

“Shit,” Shepard said before rolling to the side, narrowing dodging bullets coming from below them.

“Is he being serious right now?” Garrus asked as they opened the latch on the top.

“I guess,” she said before slipping down into the elevator.

They quickly ran down the hallway, seeing a flaming C-Sec car on the landing pad with Kaidan and the Council slowly making their way back.

“Shepard?” Kaidan asked as Garrus sealed the door behind them.

“She’s blocking the path,” Udina exclaimed, “She’s with Cerberus.”

“I can explain, Kaidan,” Shepard’s mind raced, trying to figure out the best way to phrase it.

“You come in here guns raised,” Kaidan kept his gun on her, “What am I supposed to think?”

Shepard raised a hand and both EDI and Garrus lowered their guns.

“We don’t have time to argue,” Shepard pointed at the door, “There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator behind us, if you open that door they’ll kill you all.”

“Udina’s behind it,” Shepard said, stepping forward, “The salarian councillor confirmed it.”

“You don’t have proof,” Udina said, “you never do.

“We have mistrusted Shepard before,” Councillor Telos said, “It did not help us.”

“We’re dead if we stay out here,” Udina said as he went to the console, “I’m overriding the lock.”

Shepard pointed her gun at Udina and Kaidan moved to stand between them.

“I’m going to regret this,” he murmured as Shepard stared him in the eye, lowering her gun.

“No, you’re not.”

Kaidan turned around, gun pointed at Udina as he slowly began to walk between Udina and the Council, “Back away from the console.”

“To Hell with this,” Udina snarled and Councillor Telos tried to push him away before Udina threw her on the floor and pulled out a gun.

He had just barely pointed it at Telos when a shot rang out, a bullet passing cleanly through his skull. Smoke billowed out of her heat sink before Shepard lowered it for a split second until she heard the sound of a blowtorch piercing through the door.

Garrus, Kaidan, EDI and Shepard all whipped around to point their guns forward, Bailey raising his hands up as he walked through the door.

“I already have a bullet in me,” Bailey groaned, “I do not need more.”

They lowered their guns as Bailey looked to Shepard, “I got Thane to a hospital, let Koylat know as well. It didn’t look good.”

“Understood,” she said, “mind if I use C-Sec for a ride?”

“I already have transport coming,” Bailey said, “One for the Council and one for you.”

* * *

Shepard just stared at the plate, Thane Krios engraved into the metal. She slowly eased it into place under Mordin’s name. Her hands tightened as tears began to stream down her face, Shepard roughly wiping her face clean while sniffling.

“EDI?” she called out, “I’m going AWOL for the night.”

EDI said, “Logging you out.”

Shepard went up into the loft, her shoulders beginning to droop as the exhaustion of the coup and losing Thane settled across her. She leant against the wall as the elevator went up, pushing herself up and out of it as it opened to the loft.

She opened her door to see Garrus standing there in front of her desk, focusing on something.

“What is this?” she asked, slack-jawed as she noticed all of her old models back in place.

“I…” Garrus said, shuffling something behind him as he turned around, “I know you said that you weren’t doing them anymore but I bought you this.”

He handed her the model kit box, the Citadel emblazoned on the cardboard. It boasted that ‘it spins’ due to a small eezo core in the Presidium.

“That way it’s just my money,” he said while he watched her.

“I still don’t have the time to, Garrus,” her eyebrows pinched together, that twinge to her throat like she wanted to cry, “I appreciate all of this I really do...”

“That’s why I thought _we_ could do it,” he interrupted her, “I do half and you do half and we stick those together.”

She just looked at him with exhaustion radiating from her and panic latched itself into his throat before he sputtered out, “It’s just it makes you happy, Shepard. It’s obvious and with everything going on I think it might be good to distract yourself for a bit.”

“Garrus,” her face softened, “Thank you. Really I don’t know what to say.”

“How about helping me with these instructions?” he handed the datapad to her, “I don’t know enough to say what we each should do.”

She quickly read it over, copying the instructions that Garrus should do and sending it to his omni-tool. After setting up on the table near the couch, Garrus looked over from his half-complete Shalta ward to see Shepard focused entirely on the Presidium in front of her while she worked out how to ease the eezo core into the plastic model.

He couldn’t help but smile at how focused she was, working on something besides the war for her own sake.

“Hey,” he leant over and she looked up at him, “Next time we’re on the Citadel you mind setting some time aside for us?”

“Sure,” she smiled before turning back to her pieces, clasping them together, “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of these days I'll learn


	26. Shooting the Breeze

“Tali’Zorah vas Normandy,” Tali stepped in, “reporting for duty.”

“Just let us know when you’re ready to attack that dreadnought,” Admiral Shala’Raan said before turning back to her work.

Tali gestured for Shepard to follow and they both made their way towards the conference room that was set up in there.

“So attacking the Geth,” Shepard said, looking out the window with an awkward look, “That’s… uh… an idea.”

“It’s a horrible one,” Tali’s shoulder’s slumped forward, “I tried to argue we could negotiate but only Zaal’Koris would agree with me. We could lose the fleet over this.”

Shepard bit back her retort, trying to figure out what to say. Instead, Tali turned to look at her.

“I’m not here to talk about that,” she sighed, “I'm sorry about Earth. If only they listened to you sooner.”

“That doesn’t give me comfort Tali,” it was only a reminder that she didn’t push hard enough, that she didn’t try hard enough.

“Sorry,” Tali’s head drooped, “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Listen,” she stood up straight, “I need to be professional in front of the Admirals but if you want to talk as friends just call me up to the loft.”

“I’ll let you know when I have a moment to breathe,” Shepard said before leaving, Tali taking a moment to straighten herself up before heading back into the War room.

* * *

Kaidan just sat in the observatory lounge nursing a mug of tea while staring out into the cosmos. Flickers of blue trailed off the window from the eezo pushing the ship along and Kaidan thought it was perfect to just contemplate things here.

There was a lot to unpack.

Not literally, he only had what he was wearing. He picked up more clothes from Alliance Requisition but it took him about half a minute to stuff it into a footlocker.

So he roamed, finding himself here not too long after leaving his bunk. He liked it, it felt like a corner of space to just hide from the galaxy and there was a lot to hide from.

He did find a series of haikus in the bookshelf, something about Jacob’s (whoever that was) muscles but he just put it back. Shepard had all kinds before apparently.

He could finally comprehend what he had been thinking about since Mars. Regrets that he had. He opened his omni-tool and after a few moments of gathering courage, he messaged Shepard.

There was no more time to regret things.

* * *

Shepard looked at the itinerary that EDI had kindly put together for her. Looking at the top of the list to see Lunch with Kaidan followed by Garrus. She tried to keep her heart from roaring in her chest as she wondered what Garrus cooked up.

Speaking of cooking, Shepard wheeled herself in the chair across from Kaidan in Apollo’s lounge.

“I am not late,” she exclaimed, picking up the menu, “In fact, I am on time and you were just early.”

“You’re the boss,” he said.

“You outrank me technically,” she sighed, leaning into her hand, “and I’m never going to be promoted, Commander Shepard just has too much of a ring to it.”

“You could also stop stealing the Normandy.”

“I have been right every time,” Shepard said, “Stealing the Normandy has always been a good decision for me every time .”

“Though it would be nice to see you promoted. I mean Captain Shepard has a ring to it,” Kaidan smiled at her and her eyes narrowed at him.

“Don’t bring my mother into this,” she glared at him before they opened up, “Oh you meant me.”

“This is nice,” Kaidan said, head resting on the back of his hand, “A good sanity check.”

“Hey,” he suddenly got excited while looking at the menu, “Think they have a good Canadian lager?”

“More likely to have Batarian shard wine,” she looked over the menu, taking a quick look at their dextro menu.

I have no idea what any of this is, she realised and went back to levo as she made a note to ask Garrus what he liked.

“I’ve been thinking…” he leant forward, Shepard lowering the menu.

“Dangerous but go on.”

“On Mars, I saw my life flash before my eyes,” his hands tightened on the table, his knuckles peeking out from under the skin, “And there were so many things. Times I spent with friends or family. There was one regret however.”

“I never got a chance to tell you when we were on the first Normandy,” he said, “Before you…. died.”

“But I care about you,” his voice was soft, “More than friends. I always have.”

Shepard’s smile turned less genuine and more forceful, it spread across her face as she looked around. Her fingers tapped against her thigh as she took a deep breath.

“I appreciate it Kaidan,” she said, fingers frantically tapping against her thigh, “I… uh… didn’t know you felt that way but…”

She took a sip of water, suddenly appreciating that restaurants gave them to patrons.

“I’m dating Garrus,” she quietly said before gulping down some water.

“Oh my god,” his face blanched, “I didn’t know. Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” she said before smiling at him, “I’d like to stay friends if you’re okay with that.”

“More than,” he said, “However this does mean that you’re paying.”

“Got it,” she saluted, “You going to go for that Batarian shard wine?”

“I think maybe whiskey now,” he said, looking at the menu.

* * *

“I won’t lie that I wasn’t hoping it’d inspire a certain mood,” Shepard just watched him and he swallowed past the lump in his throat, “it seemed like you needed time.”

“Are you ready to be a one-turian woman?” he asked and she just looked at him.

“Wasn’t…” she was confused, “Were we not in a relationship already?”

“What?”

“You keep stroking my face while I go to sleep,” she said, “you’re living in my room already. We’ve had dates.”

“W…when?”

“After Palaven? Making models together?”

“That was just dinner and wine,” he stated, “Also just putting a model together.”

“Those are dates!” Shepard said, “Dinner and wind is a classic date right there. The traditional. I know it is for Turians too because I looked it up.”

“I even told Kaidan we were dating,” she shuddered, remembering how awkward the last half hour was.

“Just like casually? Just welcome back to the Normandy and that’s my boyfriend right there, Garrus Vakarian.”

“No,” she exclaimed, “Just thirty minutes ago. He goes on about a sanity check and when I get there he’s all like I have feelings for you Shepard. I just went oh, wow this is awkward I’m with Garrus.”

Garrus started laughing, Shepard pouting at him before her arms crossed. His head tossed back and Shepard couldn’t help but smile. He finally stopped, shoulders shaking as he tried to hold it back again while gasping for air.

“I can’t help it,” Shepard said, hand reaching up to rest on his cheek and her thumb trailed across his colony markings, “I love you Garrus.”

He froze, eyes wide as he looked at Shepard. His head leant into his touch, hand resting on hers.

“This galaxy was miserable when I was under arrest, I didn’t want to have hope you were out there, it seemed too cruel to dream when I could have already lost you. But you were out there and you’re here now and it feels right to say. I love you.”

“Wow, I…” his mandibles waved helplessly, Shepard just looking up at him as her hand lowered so she could hold his in front of them.

“Don’t leave a girl hanging.”

“The vids never went this far,” he muttered, suddenly lost.

“I told you Vakarian,” she smiled at him, “I’m better than a vid.”

He decided to go for it, pulling Shepard in a kiss. His arms wrapped around her body and he felt her body go slack. When he pulled away it looked like she had a religious experience, giving an empty giggle until she hoisted herself up with his shoulders.

“You’re getting very good at that.”

“I get a lot of practice with one woman in particular,” he purred, “You might have heard of her, first human Spectre.”

“Maybe,” she said before smiling at him, “Did you bring me up here to flirt with me or was there an actual reason?”

“There’s an actual reason but hearing that you had to fend off your suitors for me I might keep flirting,” she rolled her eyes as his voice rumbled playfully, “I have to maintain my claim.”

“So…?”

“I figured it was time to put it to the test,” he handed her a sniper rifle before shouldering his own, “Which one of us is the better shot.”

“You know,” she said, “Which one of us is the Spectre?”

“I mean if you can’t handle a playful game between two people dating,” he bounced with excitement that he could finally say that, “I guess I could always call up Kaidan to join us.”

“That’s a low blow,” Shepard grabbed a bottle, “For both me and him.”

“Give me a hard one,” he said, his gun up as she wound up her arm, taking a few steps back to put everything she had in it.

It shattered as the sniper rifle reverberated throughout the Presidium, Garrus laughed before exclaiming, “I said a hard one!”

Garrus grabbed a bottle and tossed it - which Shepard shot - but not before adding, “I heard something about Traynor using your shower too.”

“Yeah that was weird,” she shot it down, grabbing another bottle herself, “Said she wanted to play chess then immediately ran in there and showered.”

“I think maybe she was hoping you’d join,” he could laugh about it now but it definitely made a prickle of jealousy brew under his plates at the time.

“Oh,” she said as Garrus watched her grow embarrassed, “ _Oh_!”

She threw it but it had no real arch, Garrus debating about teasing her about that or more about Traynor.

“Please tell me you at least noticed Liara’s flirting on the first Normandy.”

“Jesus, Garrus,” she took aim and shot the bottle, “I’m dense but I’m not _that_ dense.”

Her voice pitched up in mimicry of Liara, “Oh Commander, there you are. I was hoping to talk to you about Asari reproduction. Commander, nice to see you! I wanted to discuss with you about your thoughts on human/asari relationships.”

“She wasn’t that bad was she?”

“She was a lot worse in private,” She threw a bottle for him which he shot, “told me she wanted to study me in a lab. I’m so grateful she grew up a lot over the years.”

“She wanted to play doctor, huh?” he asked before throwing the bottle, Shepard snorted and her aim missed.

“Ha!” his armed raised in the air in victory, “I’m Garrus Vakarian and this is my favourite spot on the Citadel!”

“It’s windy,” she offered, just happy that he was so happy.

“Oh the typhoons on the Citadel are rough this time of year,” Garrus said, “Real gale-force winds."

"It’s not like you don’t have other talents though, I have it on good authority that Commander Shepard does this thing with her mouth that is to die for.”

“You’re such an ass,” she smiled up at him, grabbing his hand as she shifted closer to him.

“Only with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Kaidan but the first time I played 3 I was a dumbass who thought the first conversation with Garrus locked in the romance. So I sat there with him confessing while I wished I could be like but I'm dating Garrus. Then it turned out I was not dating Garrus yet, lmao. I also got Traynor in my shower, I didn't even realise it was a romance conversation until I played as male-Shepard.


	27. In Death His Redemption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those not on PC or don't mod. In EGM there is a quest you can get where Sidonis messages Garrus for help so you can either go help him and turian veterans or follow Aria's advice and go rescue convicts. I always go rescue Sidonis bc Garrus is the one messaging you so I took a what if to that.

Garrus tapped his fingers against the console, thoughts swaying inside of him like a tumultuous sea. He barely noticed as Shepard entered the gun battery, jumping when he could feel her hand on his back.

“Shit, sorry,” he looked away, his eyes grim

“You okay?”

“I got a message earlier today,” his voice was soft and Shepard rested a hand on his arm, “It was from Sidonis.”

“What did it say?”

“He’s asking for help,” his hand tightened against the console, “Reapers are pressing on Invictus but the Hierarchy has refused to help. Said he has nowhere else to turn to.”

“What do you think?” Shepard asked, pushing even closer to him.

“I think he wouldn’t ask me if it wasn’t serious.”

“Okay then,” she pulled away, “I’ll get Joker to change course.”

“You don’t…” he turned around to look at her but she just shook her head with a smile.

“If you say it’s important,” was all she said, “then it’s important.”

“I know you’re thinking about leaving me behind,” Garrus said and she looked a bit sheepish, “But please, I need to be there with you.”

She just looked at him and he wondered what she was thinking. Did she think he was going to kill Sidonis, make up for lost time with the bullet he put aside for the traitor or did she see the real reason.

That he didn’t trust Sidonis not to hurt Shepard.

He had lost enough to the coward he couldn’t lose Shepard too.

“Okay,” was all she said, “I’ll radio when we’re getting ready.”

* * *

Garrus was frighteningly silent as the shuttle flew down to the surface and Shepard just raised an eyebrow at him.

“You okay?”

“I’m just peachy,” in the least peachy tone he could use.

“What’s your thoughts on a plan,” Shepard asked, “The drop point you gave us is a bit outside the city, scans indicate an old bunker is there and possibly just over a hundred turians.

“How many can we fit on the Normandy?” Garrus asked before EDI cut in.

“We could fit an extra thirty turians on the Normandy with the crew we already have,” she said, “after that air filters will fail.”

“That few?”

“It’s an incredibly specialised frigate, Garrus,” Shepard said, “it’s just not designed for this.”

“Okay,” he said, his nose scrunching together as he thought, “We create a point of contact here and take the injured then the Hierarchy can take over.”

“I thought you said they couldn’t help?”

“I talked to Victus about it,” he said, “They don’t have a foothold here and making one would be too cost-prohibitive. Besides, there are no turian civilians. Every one we get off this rock will bolster the turian fight across the galaxy.”

“Okay,” she said as the shuttle took them down.

“There are multiple Harvesters nearing the drop point,” Cortez said, “You’ll need to figure out how to get rid of them before I can pick you up, we’ll have to do a running drop as well.”

“Copy that, Cortez,” Shepard stood up, Garrus standing behind her as the doors opened.

They both leapt to the ground before running forward, hearing the thrum of the shuttle behind them as Cortez left. They followed the sound of gunfire, hands up as almost a hundred turians pointed their rifles at them.

“Hey there,” Shepard waved her hands, “Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy.”

“Garrus Vakarian, Reaper Advisor to the Primarch.”

Shepard felt a flash of irritation as there was a ripple after he said his name and title, “Why does your name get more respect, I’m the first human Spectre.”

“Probably because I’m a turian,” he said, “Now hush.”

A small crowd of turians around them before Garrus’ heard the heady hum of subharmonics rumbling in respect before parting. Sidonis making his way through them.

Garrus’ throat tightened for a second before Sidonis asked, “You’re here to evacuate right?”

“Our ship isn’t big enough for all of you,” Shepard said, “We can take as many wounded as we can but only thirty turians will fit on it.”

“We can’t just sit here,” one of the turians began to panic before Sidonis raised a hand to stop him.

“Let’s hear what the plan is before we panic.”

“Okay then, Reaper Advisor,” Shepard leant back to stare at Garrus, “Why don’t you let them know.”

“I hate it when you call me that,” he grumbled, “We’ll have to fight off the reinforcements and kill the next harvester or wait for it to leave for another pickup. After we get the injured off the Hierarchy will step in and use this as a launchpad to start evacuations.”

“Hold our ground until we have a chance,” her smile was mostly teeth, “Isn’t that most of our plans?”

“No you throw thresher maws at the problem,” he flicked his mandible at her before his omni-tool beeped, “I need to coordinate with the General of this sector, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Sidonis sat back until Garrus was out of sit before gesturing for Shepard to come to the side. She just shrugged and followed, eyes fixated on the sky on instinct. They found themselves in a small corner to the side, the other turians giving a fair distance out of respect.

“So Garrus is a Reaper Advisor now,” Sidonis asked Shepard and she just nodded.

“I also think he’s stupidly close to becoming Primarch but he won’t tell me,” she said, “not that I think he would take it.”

Sidonis’ eyes were focused on hers and despite the drooping plates and cracks along his eyes, Shepard noticed this wasn’t the turian she saw months ago. He wasn’t happy or healthy but somewhere between the dead man walking she saw and a vibrant turian.

“So,” he knew he would probably only get one more question out of her before Garrus noticed that she was gone, “Are you two together?”

She stared at him for a half-second before nodding, Sidonis’ face blank, “I figured, you’re even closer than the last time I saw you.”

“Thank you for your time, Commander,” was all he said before turning away, going to discuss with the others who to send.

“I’m back,” Garrus popped up next to her, “They’re waiting for our signal before they’ll come in.”

She nodded before they went back to the thick of the crowd, the injured turians stuffed into the bunker below them until the shuttle came in. James shot her a message, letting her know he was waiting until the area was clear before sending in their second shuttle.

“Shepard,” Cortez’ voice burst in on the comm, “You have incoming Reaper forces.”

Before any of them could react the screech of a Harvester met them and it’s cannons aimed at Shepard. Garrus moved towards her with his arm stretched forward to grab her or push her or just anything.

Then she was thrown back, Shepard’s eyes meeting Sidonis’ before the gun hit. A mist of blue and grey chunks flew at her as he was immediately vaporized. Visions of Sidonis’ death kept playing in her head, she was barely aware of Garrus pulling her into cover or the way her breakfast splattered against the ground as she vomited.

“Shepard,” his voice shattered through the flashbacks, his hands wiping her face to come back coated in blue.

When did he get hurt? She thought vaguely before realising that she was coated in head to toe with turian gore.

“We need to get rid of that Harvester before Cortez can get us,” Garrus shook her back into reality, “Focus on me.”

“I’m fine,” her mouth tasted of stomach acid, “Let’s just get this over with.

* * *

Shepard was quiet next to him, staring blankly forward. Garrus had a hard time looking at her and the other Turians in the shuttle were staring at the wall far away. Their disgust was more instinctual than Garrus’, his thoughts running with ‘what if’.

“I’m going to talk to Cortez,” she said, her voice frightfully calm but as soon as the door closed behind her every turian sighed in relief.

“You’re…” one of them tentatively asked, “Garrus Vakarian right?”

“Yeah,” his hand tightened as anxiety built up inside of him, as much as he couldn’t look at her painted with Sidonis’ blood there was a comfort in having her next to him.

“Sidonis mentioned you,” the turian said, “Always kept saying you’d come. That your sense of justice was next to no one else’s. You were friends right?”

No, he wanted to say.

He saved Shepard, was what he thought.

“Yeah,” was what he finally said, “It was a while ago but yeah, we were friends.”

“I’m sorry,” he said with a forlorn nod, “We wouldn’t have made it this far without him.

They all felt the shuttle shift as it landed in the Normandy. Garrus just sat there, waiting while everyone cleared out only standing up when Shepard reappeared. The gore was beginning to flake off, Garrus’ nose pinching at the sight of it.

“I need to…” she started before Garrus grabbed her wrist to keep her from walking away.

He needed her clean, like an ache in his body. Maybe if she was no longer covered in Sidonis’ blood the thoughts would ebb away.

“You need to shower,” he said, “I’ll clean your armour but please just shower.”

Her eyebrows pinched as he was certain she was going to argue. He knew she was trying to appear invincible especially after her moment of weakness down there but he knew in the way that her mouth pinched that she was struggling.

“Let me do this for you,” Garrus felt his shoulders sink as that hint of desperation entered his voice, “Please.”

“Okay,” she said, pulling her armour off, “Just because it’s you.”

He took the pieces in his arms, Shepard not even bothering to change from her armour’s undersuit before heading up. He loaded it into the pressure washer - adding his own armour -and ran it. The rhythmic rush of water against their armour was almost soothing as he changed into his civvies.

His hand tightened as he saw Sidonis again, pushing Shepard to safety before dying in her place.

It just brought up unpleasant memories of Shepard’s head covering Sidonis’ in his crosshair.

The washer dinged that it was done and Garrus opened it, pulling the tray to the side to cool and dry. He felt his stomach flip as he was suddenly struck by the urge to see Shepard. With only one stop to grab food, he made his way to the loft.

He waited for the elevator to slowly make it’s way up, wondering if it was even this slow when this was a Cerberus ship. It was possible it’s EDI’s version of a joke, waiting for someone to ask so she could give a dry punchline.

That or he was still wound up with thoughts that refused to leave him.

The door opened to the loft and he ran out, just slow enough to keep the tray of food from toppling to the ground.

“Shepard?” he called into the dark room, putting the tray down on the desk.

He looked down towards the bed before noticing the top of her head just by the stairs. He quickly moved down them to look over, Shepard tucked in the small corner of the couch there. She was wearing her bathrobe, arms crossing on her knees as she tucked her legs close to her body. She only pulled her head up as he sat down, adjusting her slightly so her body rested against his chest.

“I brought food,” he said, arms wrapping around her waist.

“I’ll try to eat in a bit,” she mumbled, “I don’t think it’ll stay down yet.”

His grip tightened as that nagging darkness of how close it was beginning to rumble in his throat.

“I hated him,” Garrus finally said, “I hated that he could just sell us all out and leave like we meant nothing to him.”

Shepard said nothing, her fingers absent-mindedly rubbing his shirt.

“But a part of me was glad,” his face moved to rest against her shoulder, smelling the soap she used through her robe, “that there was one other member of my team alive.”

“Spirits, Shepard,” his voice took on that high pitch whine that he only had when he was upset and Shepard’s grip tightened on him, “if you hadn’t convinced me to spare him… If I hadn’t listened…”

“I’m here,” she finally spoke up, fingers massaging the back of his head, “I’m okay.”

You could’ve not have been, he wanted to cry out, and it would’ve been all my fault.

Instead, he just focused on the feeling on her fingers on him, the way she peppered kisses to the side of his fringe. His hands moved to her waist, wanting to feel the way that she pushed against him with each breath.

He hated feeling helpless and he was realising more every day that he was. He couldn’t find his family and he couldn’t keep Shepard safe.

“I love you,” he whined, his lips against hers, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she murmured, breath hitching in her throat as his hand slipped under her robe to cup a breast.

His body pressed against hers, feeling the way her legs spread to wrap around his waist. He felt the way she whined and writhed as he rolled her nipple between his fingers, head buried in her shoulder as he freed his cock to smother himself in her.

His hips rocked into her as he memorized the way her walls gripped at him. Her fingers dug into his back and he felt her panting against his neck. He put his hand on the bottom of her thigh, pushing it up and his cock went deeper inside of her.

“Garrus,” it was a desperate plea, Garrus feeling how close she was with her cunt tightening around her and the way she seeped fluids onto the couch.

He looked up at her, seeing the way the fabric drooped around her breasts that shifted with each thrust. She was mewling into her hand, eyes closed as her head faced the wall.

“Look at me,” he asked and she did, her body falling over that chasm as her eyes met his.

He met his release after her, his cock twitching into her clenching walls. He stroked her thigh with his thumb as his cock slowly eased out of her and back into his plates. While Garrus straightened her bathrobe Shepard reached out with both hands to hold his face.

He wanted to say something, words beginning to brew deep in his chest but instead, he just leant into her touch and hoped that she understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been done before but I do like Sidonis dying to save Shepard. It really brings it back around full circle.


	28. Staring at our Parents Backs

“Dad?” he called out, barely hoping to believe he got a connection.

It took every favour he had as well as EDI searching the frequencies from Palaven but he apparently got something.

“Garrus?” his dad’s voice was mainly static.

“Where are you, are you okay?”

“Still on Palaven, your sister is hurt.”

“Hurt? How bad,” his hands tightened on the console, head tilting forward.

“Broken leg, she’ll be fine,” there was something muffled on the line as his dad talked to his sister, “Yeah I will, Solana.”

“You have to get out of there,” he had a high pitch to his voice, he knew exactly how bad Palaven was right now.

Sometimes knowing the exact truth of how a planet went to shit wasn’t a comfort.

“It’s not that simple, Garrus,” his dad became almost incomprehensible, “The krogan are here in force but it’s not like…”

The line cut and he was surrounded by an oppressive silence. Something painful lodged in his throat, eyes closing as he refused to believe this would be the last time he’d ever hear from his family.

“Spirits,” he prayed, his voice desperate, “If you’re really out there. Watch over them.”

Then he felt arms wrap around his chest, five fingers digging into his shirt as Shepard clung to him. He could feel her shoulders shaking, desperate to try and comfort him.

“I’m sorry,” her voice shook, “I wish I could help.”

He rested his hands on hers, his chest curling in slightly as he found comfort in her warmth.

“I wish I could do something.”

“I wish I could…”

“It’s okay,” his grip tightened on hers, “This is all I need from you.”

He felt her head move against his back as she nodded, pushing even closer to him. He prayed again, desperation rumbling in his chest as he realised he wanted his family to meet her. To meet the woman who held his heart in her hands.

Please, spirits, bring them back safely.

* * *

“This is like bombing a city isn’t it?” she asked, looking up at the towering blocks.

Legion just looked at her, tilting its head slightly as if in contemplation before saying, “Yes.”

“I wish we didn’t have to do this,” she felt aged as if the last three years have been sixty.

Legion just gave her that geth noise, whirling as it completed shutting down the server. The light around her dimmed. His voice rang out through the AI’s space around her, lights flickering with each synthesized intonation of his voice.

“Shepard Commander,” Legion said as she began to make her way back, “Please head to the…”

His voice fizzled out and she called out, “I didn’t get that. Legion?”

“Head to the…”

Then he was gone, the lights flickering. She wondered if she already had to put another plate up, adding Legion to the list of the dead. She climbed back into the upload thing, waiting as she opened her eyes back at the server room.

“Shepard,” Garrus sighed in relief, holding his hand out and she grasped it while hoisting herself out.

“Legion?” she looked around and jumped as the Geth primes around her lights flickered on.

They were suddenly surrounded, EDI and Shepard watching them while Garrus’ hand tightened on his gun. Shepard raised a hand to stop them from shooting, watching Legion activate before the geth stood above her.

“You gonna tell me what’s happening or nah?”

“Without reaper influence we judged that we could convince other platforms to join,” Legion said, the geth around them turning from red to blue, “ _They_ have become _us_.”

“Okay,”

“You are not upset?” Legion tilted its head and it almost looked like it craved her approval.

“No,” she said, “We saved the liveships and you saved geth. We both got what we wanted.”

She rubbed the back of her head, “If anything this does help ease my conscience.”

“We judged that you would.”

* * *

“My mother’s fine,” she said, sprawled across the bed while looking up, “She’s joined Hackett’s fleet and is commanding there as Rear-Admiral.”

“That’s good,” he held her hand, hoping that she wasn’t feeling guilty that her family was fine while his was still missing, “you don’t really talk about your mother.”

That call to his own family didn’t help unwind that knot of anxiety in his stomach but he was genuinely happy she wasn’t going through the same.

“Things were… are strained,” she sat up, her eyes fixated on her aquarium.

“Like my dad and I or…?”

“I wasn’t planned,” she confessed, “Bit of an oopsie at an inconvenient time and with me being me… we just never got along.”

“She seemed to think she could treat me like a subordinate and not a child. I learned pretty early that I should keep some distance.”

“We haven’t spoken in years,” her eyes looked up, “I think it’s a bit too late to regret that.”

“I don’t think so,” he stroked her thumb, “My dad and I patched things up a bit, maybe you can too.”

She made an awkward face before turning to him, mouth open.

“Don’t apologise,” he said, “you’re allowed to take what victories you can.”

She sighed, giving him a wavering smile, “Okay then. I guess it might happen.”

“But even if it doesn’t,” she said, her gaze thoughtful, “I think parents are meant to be a lesson for kids, so we can learn from their mistakes. So we can do better than they can. I’ve already decided - no matter what - no kid of mine will feel unloved.”

He wanted to say something, Shepard prodding close to the fantasies of that ‘maybe after the war’ he kept close to his heart. He instead kept quiet, squeezing her hand as he decided to wait to tell her.

* * *

She could smell the blood before she saw the quarian. A heavy oppressive smell that radiated through the air around it, she thought she’d see another corpse until she heard pained panting as the quarian struggled for air.

“You a soldier?” she asked, the quarian lowering his gun as she rushed to his side about to apply medi-gel.

“No,” he gasped, hand up to refuse her aid, “My name’s Dorn’Hazt, I’m a mechanic. I clean engine parts.”

“I thought I could buy the others time.”

“Shhh,” Shepard hushed him, Tali kneeling beside him as well, “you were very brave.”

He laughed, something sputtering as blood splattered across the inside of his mask. Dorn’Hazt looked her in the eye and she could tell he was smiling a bit.

“I guess I was.”

He coughed, hands pressed against the wound on his chest as the blood bubbled with air. Shepard grimaced. No wonder he refused help, he was already dead.

“Please,” the quarian gasped, “Save Admiral Zaal’Koris. The civilian fleet… we didn’t even want this war.”

“I will,” Shepard said, a hand on his shoulder.

“Tell Jona,” his plate reflected the night sky of Rannoch, “Tell him his father made it to the homeworld.”

With that he died, gun dropping to the ground. Tali moved the engineer's arms to rest across his stomach.

“We will, Dorn’Hazt vas Rannoch.”

* * *

“Our upgrades,” Legion said, “We could copy them over to the other geth platforms.”

“Giving them back their Reaper enhancements.”

Legion nodded and Shepard.

“Our fleet is attacking already, Shepard,” Tali’s voice pitched up in a panic, “If they reactive they’ll kill us all.”

“Do you remember the question that caused the quarian people to attack, Creator Zorah?”

Tali froze, her eyes stuck on Legion.

“Does this unit have a soul?”

“Tali try to call off the fleet,” Shepard stepped in, “Legion, start your upgrade.”

“This is Tali’Zorah, stop your attack,” she said, “The geth are about to go online.”

“Belay that, keep attacking,” Han’Gerrel insisted, “We can win this.”

“Upload at 68.98 percent,” Legion said, updating them.

“You can’t choose the geth over my people,” Tali pleaded and Shepard’s face just hardened.

“Upgrade at 96.59 percent.”

Shepard stepped forward, her eyes firm as she opened a line to the fleet.

“This is Commander Shepard speaking.

“Shepard speaks with my authority,” Tali said before Zaal’Koris added.

“And with mine.”

“The Geth are about to return to full power if you keep attacking they’ll wipe you out.”

Shepard took a deep breath, her raging thoughts calming before stating.

“Your entire history is you fighting the geth. You forced them to fight back, you forced them to ally with the Reapers.”

“The geth don’t want to fight you,” she pleaded, “If you can believe that for one minute this war will be over.”

Her breath latched in her chest, willing for whatever deity or force behind the universe to listen for a split second.

“All ships,” Han’Gerrel said, “Stand down.”

Shepard’s shoulders fell with relief, that hard look on her face ebbing away. She looked over to Legion who closed its holographic interface.

“It’s insufficient, personality dissemination required,” Legion said, it’s figure suddenly small, “Shepard Commander, I… I’m sorry.”

“Legion?” she asked,

“I have to go to them,” Legion looked at her and her eyebrows dipped down.

“Legion, I…” she said before a pained smiled crossed her face, “I understand.”

“Legion,” Tali stepped forward, “The answer to your question, is yes.”

“I know, Tali. Thank you.”

Legion’s eye plate raised for a second before his light went out, toppling to the ground. Garrus rested a hand on her shoulder. As much as he didn’t understand how Legion was her friend he couldn't deny that the Geth meant something to Shepard. Shepard held back tears, knowing she’ll have to engrave another plate for the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically you don't find out about Shepard's mother until after Rannoch but I decided to push it forward a bit. it just fit the chapter too well.


	29. Into Hell Itself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 22/12/20 : I rewrote parts, nothing major. Just a bit more detail

“Commander Shepard,” she was greeted as the taxi set down, “Dr Bryson and this is Task Force Aurora.”

It was a beautiful place, a small enclave in the middle of the Presidium. The Alliance must have shelled out some money that or Bryson was rich enough to have a small garden in the space station.

“The briefing was vague,” she said as they stepped inside the lab, “What exactly is Aurora up to.”

“We’re looking at old legends,” Bryson said, Shepard noticing the shielded Reaper leg with a tilt of her head, “Old myths from before we knew about the Reapers.”

“Interesting goal but why,” she asked, “It’s hard to deny the Reaper threat now.”

“The Alliance is starved for information,” Dr Bryson said, “We know next to nothing about our enemy. We need to find the truth from those legends.”

“I could have used your help three years ago,” Shepard said, relieved that he was actually competent.

They might have actually been prepared for this war if Bryson was behind it. That or if anyone listened to her warning. She shoved down that irritation, she had to focus on what she could do now.

“Yes,” he sighed, “if only we paid more attention to your prothean beacon, we may not be in this mess.”

“Yeah, that would’ve been nice.”

“Hadley,” Bryson called to the man standing at the desk, “You mind getting the data for Commander Shepard.”

A hum filled the air as the man left, Shepard shook her head as a headache began to brew.

“So what in particular did you look at,” she asked with her fingers rubbing her temple, “A galaxy of legends is a lot.”

“We started keeping a closer eye on patterns with machine-cultists,” he said, “We looked at rachni and tried to consolidate everything possible about Reapers from what we know about the protheans.”

“There’s a lot if you have the hindsight to look for patterns that show Reaper influence.”

She nodded as the assistant came back, Bryson greeting him. Time froze as there was a gun in the man’s hand, raising it towards Bryson.

“The darkness must not be breached,” Hadley said before shooting the doctor, Shepard tossing a datapad into Hadley’s face before tackling.

“This is Commander Shepard, Spectre,” she said as soon as her comm connected with C-Sec, “I need C-Sec at my location now.”

“Sending them now, Commander.”

* * *

“You know what,” Shepard snapped at the worker behind the desk, “I think I’ll just go in.”

“The elevator is broken,” the man said in that damned uniform tone while another worker stepped away from the elevator that was sparkling, “Step back.”

“Stand back,” another stood behind him, the hairs on the back of Shepard’s neck raising.

“Shepard,” Garrus eased her back from the table with a hand on her shoulder, his grip was tight with anxiety, “Don’t push this, I have a bad feeling.”

“Very well,” she stepped away, “let's find a way to fix the elevator.”

They sat there awkwardly as the drone repaired the elevator, Shepard keeping an eye on the staring miners. The droid disappeared as it finished, Shepard taking a quick glance at the sign in page to see Garneau’s name.

“Why did they lie about Garneau?” Garrus asked as the elevator went down.

“I don’t know this place is fucking creepy.”

It only got worse the further they went in, things about galactic starvation and disappearing colonies were common discussions before Shepard slipped into a closet to see a datapad sitting there.

She picked up the message, listening to it on quiet with Vega standing behind her. As she turned around she saw a figure in the doorway and she leapt into the air, giving a small shout of surprise. Garrus left his spot from the doorway to look at her in concern, seeing her eyes wide with fear.

“You scared the _shit_ out of me,” she slapped his shoulder as she whispered, “Oh my god I thought you were the turian from the other room. I thought I was going to be murdered.”

“Shit,” he whispered back as she rubbed her forehead with both hands, “My bad.”

“Okay so I’m not the only one getting bad vibes from here right,” Vega whispered, “Also why are we whispering.”

“You speak normally then,” she whispered to him.

“Okay,” Garrus murmured, “I got the hack.”

“C’mon, let’s get the fuck out of here.”

They left the room and quickly made their way to the large map. Garrus put the hack in and quickly got the active file number for the med-bay. Their pace was quick as they quickly walked past the creepy stares and creepy conversations.

“I’m ready to get this bitch and get the fuck out of here,” Shepard said, “This is horrible.”

Garrus nodded, his mandibles tight to his face. There was this hum in the back of his head, a headache beginning to brew in his forehead that made him jumpy at everything around him.

He just wanted to get out of here with Shepard.

That headache only grew stronger as they entered the med-bay. Shepard giving a frustrated groan as they noticed the corpse on the table.

“Shit.”

“Guess we’re too late for Garneau,” James said and Shepard gave him an exasperated look.

“If you are looking for Garneau,” they heard a thump behind them and they all whipped around, “I am him.”

“My fucking heart,” she pressed a fist to her chest before speaking up, “Yes you, we’re here from Dr Bryson. We’re here to pick you up.”

“How is he?”

“I’m sorry to say this but he’s dead,” Shepard said, “We’re here to pick up that artefact you mentioned.”

“Artefact?”

“Yes, we’ll just…”

Gardeau’s fist slammed into the glass, something ancient and powerful rumbling through the man’s voice as he demanded, “Why do you seek to breach the darkness.”

“You,” Shepard turned to the thing behind the glass, her eyes firmly on him, “You killed a reaper, I want to know why.”

Instead of answering the glass shattered, flying at them. Their arms whipped up to protect their faces before looking up to see Gardeau running past them.

“Son of a bitch,” Shepard snarled before chasing after him, Garrus and James following as the entire facility screamed while it went into lock-down.

* * *

Garrus began to awkwardly shift, hearing those familiar foot-steps towards the gun battery. That anxiety was still rumbling in his stomach, watching Shepard stumble and nearly tumble to her death just earlier that day did very little to sooth his nerves.

“Hey Garrus,” her voice sang as she wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling her head press against his back.

“Hey yourself,” he responded and she shifted herself so she stood next to him, looking up.

“Are you okay?” she tilted her head and he should have guessed she’d figure him out.

He was an open book to her.

“I… uh…” Garrus said awkwardly, scratching his mandible, “I got a little worried on that dig-site. It was so hectic, I’m not used to feeling like that.”

Her hand slipped into his and he squeezed it, his face softening as he looked at her.

“That’s what love does,” he pressed his forehead against hers, “Turns a guy like me into a nervous wreck with something to lose and the aim to make sure he doesn’t.”

He felt her hands on his face, her lips against his. He pressed back, nuzzling into her at the end before pulling away.

“Nobody better hurt you, is all I’m saying.”

* * *

“Shepard,” he looked up at her and her face softened for a split second.

“I’ll be fine,” she said, her voice firm as the mech closed up.

Then she was gone and his chest rumbled with anxiety. He kept himself focused on killing reapers, so the ship would be clear when she got back. He tried not to count time with each headshot but there was this nagging voice in the back of his head.

Then the mech came back, the latch opening for Shepard to tumble to the ground. A high pitch whine left him as she didn’t get up, struggling against gravity. As a brute closed in he felt himself freeze, fulling expecting to watch her die.

Then there was this high-pitch whine, the artefacts around them screaming. The brute tilted it’s head like it was thinking before whamming its arm into the brute behind it.

“I’m going for Shepard,” he called out while running.

His hand grasped her wrist before hoisting her up, his arm slipping around her back to hold her waist. Her body just slumped in his grasp and he tried to keep the panic out of his voice.

“Cortez,” Garrus called out, “Shepard’s back.”

“Whatever Shepard did fixed it,” Steve said as the shuttle lowered for them to enter, “Let’s get out of here.”

He hoisted her onto the shuttle, hearing EDI shoot the Reapers behind him. As soon as her body was aboard Cortez lifted off. Garrus put her on the floor, his hand whipped out of his glove to touch her face and he kept himself from flinching.

“Spirits,” he whined, “She’s freezing.”

Then she startled awake, a deep sickening cough spreading from her lungs. It sounded like she was trying to expel water from her lungs, hand over her mouth as she kept herself from spitting on Garrus.

“Never,” he stood up, looking her in the eye, “do that again.”

She wiped her nose free of blood before nodding, another cough wracking her body.

* * *

“Strip,” he pointed at her, throwing his own armour to the ground.

“N…not even d…dinner first?” she shivered and he gave her a look.

He curled up under the bed as she tore her clothes off, throwing them on top of his armour.

“Oh my god it’s cold,” she shivered, immediately throwing herself in Garrus’ arms as he opened them up wide for her.

Garrus curled around Shepard, her body shivering in his grip. He rubbed her arms and felt the way she leant into his warmth. It was unnatural how cold she was and he wanted her warm again like an ache in his chest.

“I didn’t like that,” he murmured against her forehead, “watching you go down. Watching you go where I can’t follow.”

“I know you can’t help it,” his mandibles brushed her hair, “but I don’t like it.”

“That’s what love turns you into, huh?” she murmured and he chuckled, hearing his own words mirrored back at him.

“That aim doesn’t work when you charge in like that.”

She laughed, Garrus feeling the air push against his face as her body shook with mirth, “No good Garrus, I’m a vanguard.”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he couldn’t help but smile, feeling her curl up into his body as she kept on laughing.

“It’s still funny,” she said and he just hummed in response, kissing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrus actually did that to me on my first time playing Leviathan. I turned around in that small closet for him to stand perfectly in the middle of the doorway. I jumped. Now I only jump at Reaper's being alerted and turning around during the Earth mission to see a brute there.


	30. Hoist Love like a Shield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally supposed to be more about Kai Leng and called 'He's Sword of a Problem'. I am upset I couldn't use that but also at the same time fuck Kai leng.

Shepard signalled for a drink, the thrum of the bass rumbling through her chest. She loved clubs, didn’t like the people in them so much, but she loved the music and lights.

“So,” Jeff asked, nursing his own drink, “Your thoughts?”

“On?”

“EDI and I?”

“Yeah,” she hummed, fingers wrapping around the glass of her Thessian Temple, “Why not?”

“Because I could break a hip with some light over the clothes action?”

“Oh sure,” gulping down the blue beverage, Shepard signalled for another, “That’s a risk. So are Reapers.”

“Yeah, I’m not trying to date Harbinger.”

Jeff sighed, slumping down in his chair, “This was a bad idea, I’m such a fool for thinking I could.”

The bartender gave her the drink, Shepard ignoring the salarian’s concerned gaze as she began to drink the next. She knew what she could handle and unless he was mixing Ryncol in these she’d be able to keep going for a while.

“Do you think it’s easy?” she finally asked and Jeff looked at her, “Letting Garrus go on missions?”

“Well, he’s on every one so I figured it must be.”

“It’s not,” she confessed, taking a sip of her drink, “I doubt it’s any easier for Garrus if anything I make it worse for him. If Garrus was the figurehead of a galactic war, I’d be an anxious mess.”

“I spend nights worrying that it’ll be my last day seeing him,” Jeff just watched her eyes go sad, “But I know he’s best suited for the job so I push that aside.”

“He doesn’t seem the type to let you baby him either,” Jeff added and Shepard nodded.

“Despite what people think love doesn’t make you a fool,” she said, “It makes you brave, it makes you realise that there’s someone greater than you and that you’re willing to get hurt or see them get hurt just to be with them, just because they complete your life.”

“I think you’re brave, Jeff,” Shepard added, her voice soft, “I think you should go for it.”

“I…” he stood up, “I’m going to go dance now, I’ll let you know later how it goes.”

Shepard just raised her drink, watching Joker begin to dance with EDI.

* * *

“That’s my home down there,” Liara said, “I need to go with you.”

Shepard was suddenly struck with deja vu reminded of Liara insisting on going to Noveria with them. When Garrus asked if Liara could kill her mother Shepard just responded Liara would learn what she was made of. Now she wondered if Liara could handle the harvest of her homeworld.

Guess I’ll learn what she’s made of, Shepard thought.

“Okay,” she said, “Suit up and let…”

“Garrus know?”

Shepard gave an exasperated look at Liara’s knowing smile, Joker's eyes focused on the controls in front of him. She threw her arms into the air as she gave a frustrated grunt.

“You’re all asses,” she said.

“I thought that was Garrus’ nickname,” Jeff said with a smile and she just groaned louder.

“I should fire you all.”

“No you won’t,” Liara said before walking away, “no one else can put up with your idiosyncrasies.”

Shepard just turned on her heel and followed after her. Garrus joined them as she was halfway through snapping her armour on.

“You’re late,” she grumbled and he gave her an inquisitive look.

“We teased her,” Liara explained, “I am still expecting that pink slip, Shepard.”

She just finished putting her armour on, taking a deep breath that filled her lungs. She could feel her diaphragm stretch, pulling as much air into her as possible. She let it go, everything slipping away with the air.

“Okay,” her hands clapped together, the metal clanging together ringing through the space, “Let’s get this artefact and finish this war.”

* * *

“I fucked up,” Joker said to himself, cursing under his breath, “Shit, shit, shit.”

“I believe you are correct,” EDI said from beside him and if wasn’t for the fact that he was head over heels for the AI he probably would have snapped.

Another thing he owed Shepard for.

“I’m sending in the turian,” he pressed the comm to the gun battery, “Garrus?”

“ _Yeah, Joker_ ,” the turian sighed, probably wondering if he was going to be asked again about turian/human porn.

“I fucked up.”

“ _Brave of you to finally admit it_.”

“No,” Jeff tried to keep from snapping, “Shepard was looking upset about Thessia so I tried to cheer her up with a dumb joke about asari strippers and she just froze up and left.”

“I knew I couldn’t do this,” Jeff carefully rubbed his temples, “I don’t know why Anderson asked me to keep an eye on her.”

“ _Anderson asked you?_ ”

“He’s worried about her,” Jeff confessed, “ _I’m_ worried about her.”

“Her metabolic scans have exceeded the stress output than Akuze,” EDI added and the line was frightfully quiet.

“Garrus?”

“ _Thanks for letting me know,_ ” his voice was soft, something grim to it, “ _Where is she?_ ”

“The loft.”

“Thanks, Garrus.”

“ _Yeah, don’t mention it._ ”

* * *

“Shepard?” he called into the dark room, seeing faint movement on the bed.

She stuck her hand up into the air and waved, pushing herself up. She had a smile on her face but he could tell it was forced, her eyebrow twitching as her feet pressed against the ground. She stumbled a bit standing up, Garrus grasping her arm.

“How are you doing,” he asked, knowing that she was tearing at the seams.

“Better now that I’ve napped,” another lie, Garrus feeling his chest ache at it.

“I don’t think so,” he said, wondering if there was a nice way to phrase ‘I had to learn that you’re more stressed now than losing your entire team from thresher maws from your ship’s AI’.

“Liara or Tali asked you to come didn’t they,” she wasn’t looking at him.

“No,” Garrus said, “Joker and EDI.”

“I didn’t think they cared.”

“Of course they care,” his grip tightened on her wrist, letting go when she winced, “We all care.”

“We all love you,” Garrus said, his hands on her shoulders as she looked at him, “in our own way and we’re worried.”

Her eyes flickered to the side before glancing up to Garrus’ face before he asked again, “So how are you really? No lies, not here. Not between us.”

“I’m frustrated,” she said, her hands tensing, “With myself, the council, the homeworlds and their governments. I’m angry and sad and _frustrated_.”

“People kept mentioning if only the council had listened, I try to ignore it since there’s nothing we can do now but it bothers me. I could have done more too, I could have kept searching and kept pushing.”

He cupped her cheek, stroking a lone tear that spread down her face before she confessed, “If only I hadn’t died we could’ve been more ready.”

“Shepard…”

She smiled, “I know, it’s something people don’t get the chance to regret. But I have to. I have to live with the consequences of my death. I have to live knowing trillions of lives are suffering because I didn’t do enough then.”

He pulled her close in an embrace, knowing there was nothing to say. No words could ever fix this problem and he just hoped if they could defeat the Reapers this wouldn’t haunt her for the rest of her life.

* * *

“I just want Oriana and the data,” Shepard said with her hands up.

“You’re asking for a lot,” Lawson said.

“You get to live in return,” Shepard retorted.

His eyes shifted to the side, something clearly rumbling through his mind as he considered it. He finally pushed Oriana to the side, hand up as he pointed at Shepard.

“Fine but I expect…”

“No deal,” Miranda snarled before throwing her father through the window with biotics.

A blood-curdling scream filled the air as he fell to his death, a sickening thud before everything went silent. Miranda rushed forward, her sister pulled into her arms as Miranda’s shoulders shook.

“Are you alright, Ori?” she asked, “he didn’t hurt you did he?”

Oriana shook her head and Miranda pulled away, her arms rising to rub at her face.

“Commander Shepard,” her voice was playful as she turned around, “It’s a surprise to see you here.”

“Guess we’re chasing similar ghosts.”

Miranda laughed while Garrus went to the terminal, transcribing everything down to an OSD. His face was firm, something haunting behind his eyes before the download completed.

“Shepard,” Garrus said, “Got everything off the database.”

“Good, with luck we can find something to lead us to Cerberus.”

Miranda smiled before pulling out a small device, “I can do one better, I managed to get a tracker on Kai Leng before he left. If you hurry he’ll lead you right to the Illusive man.”

“You thought of everything,” Shepard said with a smile, gratefully taking it.

“No,” she scratched her collarbone before shrugging with a smirk on her face, “But no one’s perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, I'm back. I just needed to angst a little. I'm better now.


	31. Cocktail Party, Some Assembly Required

His foot tapped against the ground in a very human sign of impatience, watching Turian ships drawing in. He was waiting for a very specific ship to appear or at the very least the two turians he was waiting for. He’d only got a ping from Solana a half hour ago, quickly running from the Normandy to wait for them.

_“Go, Vakarian,” Shepard had shooed him out with a kiss, “I gotta check something out for Anderson anyway.”_

“Garrus!” he heard Solana before he could see her, his head whipping around before seeing his sister limping towards him.

He grasped her arm, his entire body thrumming with relief as his dad appeared behind her. He felt his dad put an arm on his shoulder, the most affection he had ever gotten from the man in his life.

“You’ve been busy,” Solana said with a quirk of her mandible, “Curing the genophage? The geth?”

“Shepard’s been busy,” he quickly responded, “I’m just along for the ride.”

“Oh yes,” his sister’s eyes rolled, “Where else would you be without the Great Commander Shepard.”

“Solana,” his dad said softly, “we probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for the Krogan.”

“I…” she looked around awkwardly, “guess. Sorry, Garrus.”

He just hummed, that thought of finally confessing to his family exactly what Shepard meant to him. He knew Solana would probably groan but say it made sense but he didn’t know how his dad would feel. He wasn’t a bigot by any means but that didn’t mean he would approve of his relationship with Shepard.

If only because she was a Spectre if nothing else.

“Um,” he felt his hands tense, mandibles tight as he willed up the courage to tell them, “I’m…”

His omni-tool rang and it showed Joker’s id and Garrus groaned, “I gotta start blocking his number.”

“What is it Joker?” he asked as he opened the line.

“ _So, Shepard’s in trouble,”_ the pilot said, “ _People are trying to kill her.”_

“Yeah, I kinda know that.”

“ _I said the same thing! But it’s new people this time,_ ” Joker snorted, “ _They attacked us at Ryuusei’s.”_

“Okay,” Garrus looked to his family but his dad just gestured for him to go, “Where’s she heading?”

“ _She’s heading to Cision Motors for C-Sec_ ,” Joker said, “ _Sending you the coordinates._ ”

He threw himself into a taxi before it took off to the war, his anxiety rumbling through his chest. The taxi landed and he quickly threw himself out, pulling out his omni-tool to connect with the frequency that Joker sent him.

“So Shepard,” he said as she answered his call, his feet pounded against the ground as he followed the directions on his omni-tool, “Need some help?”

“ _Maybe a little, officer_ ,” her voice purred and he couldn’t help the way his pulse picked up.

“Hmm, well I’ll do my best to help you,” he purred back, “It’s a good thing for you that Archangel is your boyfriend.”

“ _I think that every day,”_ her voice dropped _, “Every night too. Hard not to with a turian so talented with his hands._ ”

“Shepard,” he wished he could see her, see the way her face radiated want.

“ _Uhm,_ ” someone else popped in, their voice awkward, “ _This is a private line and it’s putting Commander Shepard in danger_.”

“Who is this?” he was suddenly angry that anyone could accuse him of putting Shepard in danger, “What?”

He quickly ran forward, rushing past confused civilians as the attack at Ryuusei’s played from every screen. He was drawing closer to Cision Motors, his gun in his hands as he slipped into the same street.

“ _Whoa, whoa_ ,” Shepard said, “ _Joker mentioned Staff Analyst Brooks? This is her, play nice._ ”

“If that’s what you want,” Garrus’ voice dropped again, “I’ll be as nice or bad as you want.”

“ _Please,”_ Brooks pleaded, _“Please stop.”_

“ _Hey,”_ she was indignant, “ _He called me.”_

You tell her, he thought, Spirits, I love this woman.

* * *

“Heard you’ve had a rough day,” he winked at her before his brain short-circuited.

His eyes focused on her waist, the dress she wore really emphasized how her hips flared out and how tight her waist was. He knew from experience that he could wrap his hands around it entirely, fingers touching as he could easily lift her.

“Nice outfit,” his mandibles waved as his gaze turned heated but she quickly gave him an exasperated look, “Right, control panel.”

“I heard you fell through a fish-tank.”

“We’ll talk about it later,” she said and he cracked her a smile.

“Damn shame about the restaurant, good food.”

“I said later, Garrus.”

Shepard went up to the office, holding her gun as she stepped back. Completely ready to kick down the door she excitedly said.

“I got this.”

Garrus knocked on the window, leaning against the glass as he saw the Volus shift inside, “You mind opening this?”

The door unlocked and he called back, “Thank you.”

“Please leave.”

“I could have done that,” she grumbled as he strutted in front of her.

“But you didn’t,” he said with a smile, watching her glare up at him, “Where would you be without me?’

“With an empty bed,” she sighed and he reached out, feeling her fingers twining with his.

He doubted it - she had way too many admirers- but he did appreciate the stroke to his ego. They pulled through the used car lot, Garrus looking down at Shepard. It was hard to believe she fought her way through a hundred men with nothing more than a pistol and a leather dress. It was hot.

He kinda wanted to take her against the wall, that volus used car salesman be damned.

“C’mon,” she said, running and pulling him along, “C-Sec should be here.”

The C-Sec shuttle opened instead to show more mercs, Shepard grasping Garrus by the waist as they both toppled against the ground. Their backs pressed against the wall as they shot each other a look.

“Can’t get a break on discount,” Shepard mumbled before the window above them shattered.

With a yell, a familiar krogan leapt down onto the shuttle, the shuttle’s body indenting from the weight. Wrex ripped open the door, quickly beating on the nearest merc. The other froze as Wrex looked up before screaming as Wrex tossed him out of the far door.

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh just butting heads with the council,” he said before tossing her a gun he picked up from one of the mercs.

“Looks like more is coming,” Garrus said, grasping her arm before pulling her into cover.

“Finally some fun!” Wrex shouted

“You know,” Garrus shielded her body with his, feeling her hands rub against his neck, “I can tell my family about you falling through the fishtank. It’ll be a good story to break the ice with turian in-laws.”

“Can you two stop flirting?” Wrex grumbled, “start shooting.”

“In-laws?” she asked and he had to swallow his panic, “We’re not married.”

“We’re a little married,” he weakly offered, trying to not think about the ring he has stuffed away for the perfect moment.

“Shepard!” Wrex shouted as he stomped through a mercenaries head, “Focus.”

Shepard sighed before hoisting up her minigun, “I guess I’ll kill them.”

* * *

“A human,” a turian with scars said excitedly as the guard drew near, “Great, I need some advice. I’m sort of on outs with my human girlfriend.”

“I am hardly an expert,” the guard awkwardly said, eyes down as he thought of his own girlfriend before the turian ambled away to find someone else.

He started to regret not helping the turian. Maybe he could have helped? Maybe it was a cultural thing? At the very least he could have heard what exactly what the problem was or offer the turian a free drink.

The guard slowly shifted around the building, answering whatever questions that whatever rich person felt the urge to amble up to him. He sighed before slipping into a room near the back, the safe room just down the hall. 

Pressed against the wall was the turian from before, a human woman with her tongue mostly down his throat. The turian’s hands were firmly wrapped around the woman’s waist and he felt his eyes shift away at how intensely they were kissing.

He’d obviously reconciled with his girlfriend, the man thought.

“Maybe I should start asking turians for advice,” he mumbled to himself before walking away, giving the couple some privacy.

“Okay,” Shepard panted as she pulled away, Garrus whining, “I think he left.”

“I don’t know,” his voice was deep and rasping, nuzzling his mouth against her temple, “I think maybe we should do that some more.”

“Focus,” she slapped his chest, “I’ll make out with you later. Also, keep that outfit, you look good in it.”

“How can I focus when you’re in that dress,” he squeezed her waist one more time as she reluctantly stepped away, “You’re getting some looks, so am I but mostly how could a turian like that get a girl like you.”

“Damned if I knew,” his voice was soft and she trailed a finger down her scars before kissing him.

“Smooth talker.”

* * *

“Oh, okay,” Garrus’ voice pitched up as he saw someone who looked identical to his girlfriend leap down, “That’s how this day is going to be.”

“Um,” Shepard asked, her face a bit panicked, “Who the hell are you?”

“I’m made from the same DNA as you,” her clone said, Shepard narrowing her eyes, “You without the baggage or wear and tears. The lone wolf you were always meant to be.”

“Baggage like you Archangel, despite your ideals you’re nothing more than a mercenary.”

“You’re nothing than a cheap imitation of the real thing,” Garrus retorted.

“This is weird right?” Shepard leant back to look at Garrus, seeing the way the turian felt uncomfortable at this.

“I think so?”

“Yeah,” Shepard hummed to herself before shooting the Citadel model above them, “I’m done with this.”

Wrex shouted with excitement before rushing past Shepard, her clone quickly dodging out of the side before ordering the men to shoot. Then her clone was gone, Garrus and Shepard dodging around cover.

“I’m sorry?” she offered to Garrus and he just shook her head.

“I just need this mission to be over.”

Banter flew between the two teams as they slowly cleared out the room. Shepard pushed out as the last fell dead, Garrus unusually close to her with a piercing eye on her.

“Are we talking about the implications of this?”

“Nope.”

“Make your clone do it then,” Kaidan said and Shepard jumped.

“Can we not talk about the clone?” Shepard sighed and Garrus felt himself tense.

“Please,” he said, “At least until we have a few drinks in us.”

“It’s not our fault your girlfriend has a clone,” Vega teased him before they split up again, “Threesome?”

“Oh my god, no,” she said with wide eyes as Garrus exclaimed at the same time, “Spirits, no.”

“Vega, what is wrong with you?” Shepard shouted as they quickly made their way through the winding vaults.

“Isn’t that an old philosophy question?” Cortez piped up from his spot on an upper level, “Whether it’s gay to have sex with your clone.”

“It’s weird!” Shepard exclaimed.

“I think it’s just masturbating with extra steps,” Wrex added and both Garrus and Shepard groaned.

“How mad do you think they’d be if I just left them in here,” Shepard looked to Garrus with an exasperated look on her face while they began to debate it.

“I’ll find you the key.”

* * *

“Remember when you were a kid,” her mother sounded wistful, “you’d ask for all these stories about you saving the galaxy with an epic romance. A motley crew as you’d fly from one problem to the other.”

“So even when you were a kid, you dreamed of the life you had,” she said, “Except the romance, I can’t seem to get grandkids out of you.”

“The epic romance came true,” she grinned as her finger tapped against the desk before she tilted her head, “I’m dating a turian.”

Her mother sighed, something warm in her voice, “You always did like pushing my buttons.”

“Yeah, because I love him and we’re not breaking up.”

“Good,” her mother said, “Stand firm, don’t let anything break your stance.”

“That’s how we’ll win this,” she added, “With your determination.”

There was a moment of silence, Shepard awkwardly clearing her throat before asking, “Is that why you wanted me to call.”

“No… I… I’m so proud of you,” her mother said and Shepard couldn’t help the tears that prickled the corners of her eyes, “That’s all I wanted to say.”

The line went dead and Shepard’s eyes rose to the ceiling, “There’s a first time for everything I guess,” was all she whispered to herself.

* * *

“A turian on shore leave,” her voice was playful before winking at him, “What brings you here?”

“Oh,” his mandibles wavered, “is this that first date thing we talked about.”

“Oh yeah,” he said as she gave a small nod, “It’s uh… great view.”

Shepard glared at him and that’s when he noticed the female turian looking at him from behind, “Though the view in front of me is much better.”

“That supposed to warm a girls heart?” her eyes twinkled and he held back the urge to pull her close, press his lips against her cheek.

“No, but this voice is,” he was cocky, tilting his head at her.

“Name’s Archangel, dispenser of justice in an unjust galaxy,” he hummed, “Also I kill reapers on the side, you?”

“Commander Shepard,” her leg crossed over the other and he had to take a moment to calm himself.

“I have heard things about you.”

“Well if they’re naughty,” she winked at him, “they’re true.”

His voice froze in his chest and he couldn’t help the way his mandibles waved in awkwardness. He looked around for anything to talk about.

“Hmm,” he looked around, “I’m running out of banter here, Shepard.”

“C’mon Garrus,” she squeezed his hand, “We just met.”

“Yeah, scars,” he gestured at his face, “And this voice. Something about my reach.”

“I…” he froze pulling up an omni-tool and quickly inputting something, the music changed and he grabbed her wrist, “C’mon.”

“Whoa,” she froze, her body immediately defensive as he pulled her onto the dance floor, “What are you doing?”

“It’ll be fun,” he smiled at her, watching her immediately flounder before he pulled her into his arms.

“You’re going to pay for this,” she said as he pulled her closer, hand on her waist and one in her hand.

“Promises, promises,” he murmured as they began to dance around.

That anger began to ease from Shepard's face as they twirled around, their hips pressed against each other. She slipped her leg around his, her heel knocking against his spur as she looked up at him with love clear on her face.

“Now you’re getting it.”

She giggled, hands tightening on his shoulder before spinning away from him. He wondered when James found them, Shepard playfully offering a hand out much to the consternation of the crowd. Garrus just grabbed her and pulled her away.

“No, you don’t.”

The music swelled as it drew to an end, Shepard hooking a leg on his waist in a move that made his plates begin to part. He dipped her, his body thrumming with love and arousal as he could see her body curl down.

“Think that’ll melt a girl’s heart?” he hummed, holding back a groan as her thigh twitched against the soft skin of his waist.

“Oh hell yes,” she gasped.

“You know,” he pulled her back up, hand on her waist as he whispered in her ear, “It gets even better in bed.”

* * *

“I was promised you’d make out with me,” he purred before lowering her on the bed, muffled sounds of the party just outside the room, “It doesn’t help that you look smoking in that dress.”

“If my toaster oven blows up in my face this’ll be the last make-out session for a while,” she said as his hands slipped up her thighs, pulling them apart.

“That’s Zaeed’s fault,” he began to stroke her through her panties, “not mine.”

“No more mentioning Zaeed,” she said, pulling him close and slamming her lips against his, “It’s ruining the mood.”

“As you wish,” his tongue rolled into her mouth, feeling her hips rock against his.

He felt her spread her wetness across his pants and his cock slid out, Shepard whining at the sudden pressure.

“Spirits,” he groaned, feeling her clothed heat against him, “I wanted to fuck you for hours. Didn’t help we fought together on the bridge of the Normandy. And that dance? That dress? You were so fucking hot.”

“Well,” her thighs rested on his hip, “I’m right here, take away.”

He didn’t even bother pulling off his pants, just freeing his cock before pulling her panties to the side. His hips slammed against hers and he could feel her walls shudder around him. She whined into her arm as Garrus was shocked at how pent up she was. She was probably just as horny as he was, neither of them were going to last long.

He curled a finger around her clit and she came with a sob, squeezing around him tightly and he felt himself twitch and fill her with his cum. Her hands reached up to grasp his arms, feeling him still deep inside of her.

“I told my mom,” she finally said, “About us.”

“I was going to tell my family but _someone_ had to fall through a fish tank.”

She just stroked him as his cock eased out of her back into his plates, his seed dripping down onto her dress, “I guess we’ll just tell them together.”

“I’d like that,” he kissed her, feeling her shift herself closer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solana isn't mad at Shepard, just that Garrus cares more about Shepard than family. Idk if that's clear.
> 
> This was fun to write. I hope it was fun to read.


	32. Libera Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you're not someone in Classical music like I was or even Catholic there is a Catholic latin prayer for the dead called Libera Me, Domine. It's a plea for god's mercy during the Dies Irae (Day of wrath) or judgement day. However Gabriel Faure set it in his set Requiem, I actually recommend listening to it. It's a baritone solo with Choir. Anyway I always think of that song during the last mission on Earth.
> 
> Now after all that religious talk I'd like to inform you the first thing in this chapter is sex.

“You know what the best part of a mission to decide the fate of the Galaxy is?” Garrus asked as he walked down the steps.

“Winning it?” she shifted datapad down, resting it in her hand on her lap.

“I was thinking it was a good chance to remind the people you care about,” he said, sitting next to her, “Well that you care about them.”

“Good idea,” she said as he slowly took the datapad away, “Truthfully I was about to go looking for you too.”

“That’s why we’re such a good team,” his hands slipped into hers before easing her onto the bed, “We think the same.”

He pulled her close, his mouth on hers. His hand wrapped around her waist before pulling her close. She reached up to undo the buttons on her shirt but he just took her hand, shaking his head. He slowly undid her shirt, his gaze firmly on her chest as he revealed her body.

She felt herself shiver as she realised that he was memorizing her.

After throwing her shirt to the side he brushed a hand down the curve of her stomach, feeling the way her muscles tensed at his touch. He slowly reached a head down, tongue dragging along her breast.

“Garrus,” she whispered before shifting up enough to let him unhook her bra.

It took a few moments, Garrus’ face determined before sliding the straps down her arms when he finally unsnapped it. Then his hands were on her, squeezing her breasts while rolling her nipple under his finger. Her arms reached up to slowly unlatch his shirt, fingers slipping between his plates to stroke the soft skin after sliding his shirt down.

“I love you,” she said, hand moving to rest on his cheek.

“I love you too,” he leant into her touch, his startling blue eyes closing for a moment.

He opened them again when she kissed him, her fingers on his waist as her body ached for his touch. She moved her mouth to his neck, sucking at the skin. As her teeth dragged across the leathery skin there she felt his cock shift out and press against her pants.

Still, he took his time. Slowly easing his pants off of her legs before holding one of her thighs. He began to stroke between her thighs, feeling her shiver as he drew near her clit.

She needed him, like an ache that wouldn’t go away.

Her hands grasped his shoulder, smile on her face, “Please, Garrus.”

His pants were quickly off before lining up. He rolled his hips forward and sunk home. Her thighs squeezed his waist as he slowly eased out of her, his hips slowly rocking into her. She gasped, Garrus burying his face in her shoulder.

She closed her eyes, feeling the way his plates slid under her fingers and hearing his grunts in her ear. Her thighs tightened around his waist as she burned the way his cock filled her into her mind. Every rock of his hips were being memorized by both of them, knowing full well this may be their last night together.

A knot of pleasure began to swell inside of her, her hands tightening their grip on his shoulders. Her eyes opened to see Garrus staring down intently at her, his gaze watching every shift of her face and she felt herself go over the edge.

She felt his warm hand press against her stomach, feeling the way the muscles twitched underneath his grip. He thrust into her a few more times before his eyes closed, mandibles wide as he came. Her body began to sink into the mattress as fatigue caught up to her. She heard him pant for breath before shifting out of him, covering her body with a blanket.

Her eyes closed to the feeling of his hands on her scalp, gently scratching the skin.

Her nightmare was vivid, bodies twisted with Reaper tech. Visions of the colonists on the Collector ship. Garrus melting in front of her, her crew dying in flames. She awoke with a start, gasp tight in her throat as she eased herself up.

“You okay?” Garrus asked, pushing himself out of the chair to the side.

Her legs slipped over the side as Garrus sat down next to her, his hand slipping into hers.

“Bad dream,” she finally said.

“Anything in particular bothering you?”

“Everything we know,” she said, shifting closer to Garrus, “Everything we care about. It’s all hanging by a string.”

“Have we really done everything we can? Or is there something out there, something we missed?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed, stroking her cheek, “At this point, I think it only depends on the effort we can make going forward. And I’m going to fight with everything I have just to hold you again.”

“Then I’ll fight for the same,” she said, “and we’ll meet in the middle.”

* * *

Kai Leng was toying with them. Like he always did. Nothing more than a coward who liked picking fights then running away when the consequences caught up with him. He destroyed another platform and Shepard charged towards him, her body beautifully glimmering with biotic power.

Any other time Garrus would be in awe.

Now it was frightening. She was like a knife, ready to kill. She quickly drained Kai Leng’s shields, a deep snarl rolling from her as she wound up her biotics and struck him down. She turned her back to him, hearing Kai Leng struggle as he tried to get in the last word.

As he drew near, Shepard whipped around with a fist outstretched and shattered the sword.

“This is for Thane, you son of a bitch,” she snarled, stabbing the assassin in the stomach.

He coughed, blood splattering onto her armour before she stabbed him again. Her eyes were cold and cruel, Garrus pulling her away with an arm on her shoulder. He wondered if this was what she saw when he chased down Sidonis, that rage that swept away everything else radiating from her body.

He finally understood why she’d stepped forward then, now that he’s seeing it he wants it gone.

“We need to get moving,” Garrus said with a hand on her shoulder, “We have to get to Earth. Just leave him to die here.”

Shepard just stepped over Kai Leng’s body, leaving the man to gurgle in his own blood.

* * *

The door opened and Garrus tried to not look up, he couldn’t help a small peek through the bottom of his eyes and saw Shepard walking towards him.

“Hey,” she said, her voice small as he gave a strained smile of his own.

“Hey yourself,” he said before giving a small laugh, “it’s just like…”

“Just like old times?” her smile was a bit more genuine.

“Might be the last time we get to say that.”

“You think we’re going to lose?” Shepard asked, her eyes pinching in the corner.

“Nah, we’re going to kick their asses back into whatever dark hole they crawled out of,” Garrus said before leaning over her, “Then we’re going to retire and live off the royalties from the vids.”

He hummed, tilted his head while looking at her with something almost hopeful on his face, “Maybe even find out what a human-turian baby looks like?”

She laughed, her eyes lightening before she said with a smile, “I’m willing to try, not sure biology will cooperate. Might just be better to adopt.”

His eyes were soft, something regretful in them before saying, “Yeah, might be a few extra baby krogan we can steal. Think we can outrun Wrex?”

“We just have to finish this first,” that exhaustion settled over her shoulders again, Garrus holding back a whine.

“You know,” he said, “James told me a human saying: May you be in heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you’re dead. Not sure if our heavens meet but if they do and this all goes sideways, meet me at the bar. I’ll buy.”

“You said it earlier,” Shepard said, “We’re a team. There’s no Shepard with Vakarian, so remember to duck.”

“Turians don’t know how,” he teased her, “But for you, I’ll learn.”

She smiled before he stepped closer, holding her hands. Their eyes were focused on each other, memorizing every minute detail about the other they had come to love so much.

“Forgive the insubordination,” he whispered to her, his voice reverent, “But your boyfriend has an order.”

She squeezed his hand before he said with his voice thick, “Come back alive, it’s an awfully empty galaxy without you.”

She kissed him, her body pushing up into his. Her hand rested on his face as she just stood there, the arch of her feet aching at standing on her tiptoes.

“And Garrus,” she bit back a sob as she whispered in his ear, “If I’m up at that bar and you aren’t, I’ll be looking down. You’ll never be alone.”

She was back on the ground, her face firm as she walked out the door. He murmured to himself before turning to Victus standing there.

“Don’t say anything,” Garrus said as the door closed on Shepard.

“I already knew,” Victus said, the turians around them awkwardly staring at each other, “You were not subtle on the Normandy or even Menae.”

Garrus just watched the door, turning back to his omni-tool after a few moments. The turians around them slowly went back to work, a few of them exchanging credits.

“You want to talk about it?” Victus awkwardly asked and Garrus shook his head.

“I’m okay with this,” was all he said, he had to be.

* * *

Shepard was growing tired, Garrus could see it in the line of her body. It was frightfully bleak, mostly stumbling across corpses than other people. Her eyes narrowed and her lip tightened and her shoulders slouched forward.

That Reaper in front of the beam slowly eased forward and they heard the screech of a banshee. EDI told them it still wasn’t close enough and they heard the sound of platoons and wings being overrun by reaper forces.

“We’re almost there,” her voice pitched up, her eyes closing in a moment of weakness, “We can do this, just hold on.”

It sounded like she was trying to convince herself and Garrus just held his gun up, ready to fight again. Brutes and Banshee’s kept attacking them, the three of them mostly running and trying to hold them off from overwhelming whatever position they had carved out for themselves at the moment.

“Reaper is in position,” EDI chimed from next to them, their position completely overwhelmed by the Reaper’s shadow.

“On it,” Shepard said before rushing forward, she quickly dodged marauders and brutes before slamming her hand onto the console.

It took an eternity as the Thanix Missle shot forward, winding before slipping between the Reaper’s cracks. The destroyer tumbled to the ground, fire billowing out of it as it exploded from the inside. They all were stuffed into the next Mako to arrive, Anderson helping them up. Shepard stood up from her seat, staring at her two companions.

“I couldn’t imagine anyone else coming with me,” she said, looking between Garrus and EDI.

“I can’t imagine being anywhere else,” Garrus admitted, EDI nodding next to him.

“We are committed, Shepard,” EDI was quiet, her hands tightening in something almost organic.

The Mako shuddered to a stop and they crawled out, their eyes wide with terror before they began to run. Cold rain pounded against her face, her feet thudding against the wet ground as Reaper fired at people and tanks around them. Shepard felt time slow down as the tank just in front of them was shot.

The tank flipped into the air before crashing down, Garrus and EDI tossed back by the force. Shepard whipped around to have her mouth dry at the sight of Garrus covered in his blood. Her feet pounded against the wet ground, screaming for evac as she desperately hoisted Garrus into her arms.

The Normandy touched down and the door opened, Shepard handing Garrus to EDI.

“Here,” she said, “take him.”

“No,” his hand reached out for her as if he could close the distance and hold her face.

“You gotta get out of here Garrus,” she tried to reason, ignoring the tears streaming down her face.

“We’re in this together,” he begged, his body aching, “please don’t leave me behind.”

“No matter what happens here,” she started to walk to him, hearing his voice keen with grief as hers grew thick with tears, “I love you, I always will.”

Her hand was on his face, thumb slowly trailing down his cheek. He leant into her touch, his eyes closed as he desperately grasped her hand.

“I love you too,” his voice was soft, a silent prayer behind them.

Then she was gone, stepping back into the fight as EDI pulled him into the ship. If it wasn’t for the AI’s grasp around his chest he knew he would have collapsed against the ground, sobbing as a Turian only could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of Garrus' lines were based off Kaidans. Mainly because I like Kaidan's romance too.


	33. The End, Again

When he awoke it was dark. Garrus groaning before hearing Chakwas chide him, hand on his chest while the doctor pushed him back into the bed. The lights above him flickered on - still dim - and Chakwas was standing there. His body ached but he ignored her advice, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

He froze as he saw EDI’s body to the side, no lights or anything to indicate that she was using it. It was looking at a corpse, Garrus feeling his stomach turn with nausea.

“What happened?”

Chakwas face hardened before sighing, “We’re not entirely sure. A side effect from the Crucible. The Normandy dropped out of space and EDI went dead. We’re trying to make repairs.”

The door opened and Liara and Kaidan stepped inside, exhaustion settling across their bodies.

“Garrus!” Liara exclaimed, “Thank the Goddess you’re alright.”

“You alright to get moving?” Kaidan asked, the skin around his eyes tight.

“Yeah,” he said while Chakwas stood between the three of them.

“No!” she said, “he’s barely healed enough to be awake.”

“We don’t have the time to wait,” Liara said, “We need him up and moving.”

“Shepard listed you as her XO,” Kaidan said, looking away and Garrus felt his breath stop in his chest, “With Shepard… gone that makes you in charge.”

Garrus felt the world shudder around him, everything crashing down on him. He didn’t know that she had done that, placed her crew in his hands in case something happened to her.

“Will they follow a turian?”

“We’ll follow you,” Kaidan said with a smile, “Besides Shepard already decided. We have to keep trusting her and each other.”

* * *

He kept himself buried into his work. If he was surrounded by wires and trying to restore power to the ship it kept himself too busy to start thinking. He knew those dark thoughts were swirling just beyond his reach, ready to swallow him into darkness.

“Garrus?” Liara asked and he slowly eased himself out of the Normandy’s drive core.

“Yeah,” he reached over to grab a new tool, fusing the wires together.

“We gotta talk.”

Garrus leant back, his eyes closing as he groaned before crawling back up the rope propelling him over the side of the room. As he clambered into engineering, he accepted the water from Liara. He took a swig as Liara looked awkwardly at him.

“We need to talk about that memorial,” she said and he spluttered his drink out of his mouth.

“I said no,” he said, chest grumbling with anger.

“If we’re wrong we can take it down,” Liara’s voice was strained, nearing hysteria, “but we need to stop thinking about it as a maybe. I’d rather be wrong than be unprepared.”

“I need to work,” was all he said before crawling back into the engine, ignoring Liara’s calls.

* * *

He tossed the nameplate to the side, faintly hearing it clang against the ground as he was bombarded with memories. The image of Shepard curled up on his lap while they went through reports, the two of them together while they put together another model ship. He had to close his eyes as he remembered stumbling in here all nerves, grasping a bottle of wine like a desperate plea.

“Garrus?” Jeff knocked against the door and he just sat down on the top of the stairs, head in his hands, “We’re going to find her.”

He lifted his head, a waver in his throat. He didn’t want to hope, couldn’t hope. He couldn’t handle it if they returned to Citadel space to hear the news of her death.

“We’re going to get off this rock and then search every inch of rubble until we find her,” Joker’s voice was desperate but Garrus was a bit comforted by the determination from the pilot, “Then we’re reactivating EDI because no one else but Shepard can.”

“I want to believe that,” Garrus finally said, his head tilting back.

“Shepard once told me,” he heard the pilot swallow past something, “That love made you brave.”

Garrus just wrapped his arms around himself, trying to ignore that slight hint of Shepard that surrounded him. She would say that. She never seemed to doubt choosing him as much as he thought she could do better.

“That it took courage to tie yourself to someone knowing either one of you could get hurt.”

Garrus slowly eased up, his foot against the ground as he unlocked the door, looking Joker in the eye.

“I know you love her,” Joker finally said, “and I know that you’re brave. So let’s get this ship fixed so we can be there for her.”

* * *

It was dark.

Her breathing echoed in the small space and she felt burning all across her body. Weakly a hand lifted to push on something, anything, to just fall weakly back down with her lungs straining.

Shepard looked around, desperate for something to make sense.

She felt woozy, certain that she’d lost a lot of blood.

Her eyes struggled as she looked above her, seeing light trickle in from a small gap in the rubble.

It was a few gasping breaths until she realised what she was looking at.

_Freedom._

Her body ached as she tried to push herself along then there was just pain.

It burned deeply in her left leg and she screamed, fists clenching as her body shook with sobs. She just kept slowly easing herself forward, soft cries of pain with every inch that she made. She glanced back once to see that her leg didn’t make the journey with her and she felt bile filled her throat. Shepard’s body shuddered as she tried to vomit, exhaustion settling over her.

She danced between consciousness and that creeping darkness, her waking time was to slowly push herself forward. Her body was starting to give up, a deep ache turning into an exhausting peace that threatened to lure her away for good.

She was so close, she suddenly realised. Her body shaking with tears that her body didn’t have any moisture for.

She peered through the tiny hole as she got there, body threatening to fall asleep again.

She saw shifting, a moment of thinking to realise they were boots. Carefully her hand - coated with her dried blood - reached out to grab it. She felt whoever it was jumping in surprise before her head slumped forward, slipping out of consciousness later again to see bodies shifting the rubble off of her.

* * *

Even after Hackett informed them Shepard was still alive he couldn’t release that breath in his chest. He awkwardly stood there while Chakwas filled out paperwork, the second he was cleared he immediately rushed past the guards to Shepard’s room.

It was stifling, the electrocardiogram rhythmically beeping from the far end of the room. Her body was a mix of bandages and wires, barely any skin peeking out from the bandages covering her. He slowly walked over to the chair by the bed, easing himself down.

“Hey Shepard,” he whined, his hand awkwardly wrapping around his, “You look like shit.”

His chest ached as it just kept beeping next to, as realistically that he should be grateful for hearing the sound of her heart so loudly he just wanted it to stop. He wanted her back.

“If that pisses you off I guess you’ll just have to wake up,” his voice pitched up.

“Please,” he begged, squeezing her hand as his voice whined, “Please Shepard, just wake up.”

* * *

“Shepard and I were…” he froze, his mandibles freezing before firmly resting on the side of his face, “ _are_ together.”

They both stared at him, Garrus feeling a flash of irritation at his father’s knowing smile. Solana was less angry than he expected, just sighing and shrugging.

“Well that explains a lot actually,” Solana said.

“I figured it out a while ago,” his dad said, “You were a little too eager for news from Earth before the start of the Reaper war.”

Garrus just nodded, his throat tight. He rubbed the plates of his forehead before his dad finally asked.

“How is she?”

If anyone else asked he would have lied, even to Solana. But he knew his dad would understand. Know that grief better than anyone.

“They don’t know,” he said, his voice warbling as his hands tightened, “They say she might not wake up, they say she might. They say that she might no longer be the same person. Everyone says something different and they just don’t know.”

“Garrus,” his father said, no longer the firm C-sec officer that Garrus found he couldn’t talk to, “For your sake, I hope she wakes up.”

He nodded, his body shaking a bit with exhaustion before he clamped down on it. He needed to get back to her.

“Do you want to see her?”

When they both nodded Garrus messaged Chakwas for permission. It was a few minutes until they were all in that damned room.

“Spirits.”

Garrus didn’t know what his father could be talking about until he looked down to see Shepard's eyes open and looking at him. He felt weightless, his shaking fingers gently twining through hers as she shifted ever so slightly.

Garrus thought he could cry, in fact, he did. His family awkwardly standing right behind him as he fully sobbed, Shepard weakly squeezing his hand.

“...remember...”

Her voice was coarse and weak, breathing deeply through the tubes before continuing. Garrus stood there, unsure whether to feel relief or sorrow just quite yet.

“... when you… crashed… the Mako?”

He gave a strangled sound, his body struggling to laugh through the tears, and she closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. He absent-mindedly stroked the tiny patch of bare skin on her bandaged hand before pulling away.

Instead of haunting him, the sound of her heart through the electrocardiogram let the tension release from his body.

She had a chance and Spirits, she was still his Shepard.

He barely noticed as Solona and his dad herded him away while nurses and doctors rushed in, only sitting down on a banged-up bench outside before his father handed his some rations. As Garrus devoured it, actually having an appetite for the first time in months his father just sat there before leaning forward.

“What’s this about crashing the Mako?”

Garrus swallowed before taking a deep breath, trying to throw himself back three years to before he even could comprehend what a Reaper actually was. His thoughts settled and he opened his mouth to tell his father how it happened.

How they met, not the abridged version he told his father before, but everything he remembered about Shepard. Starting from the moment she wedged herself next to him in the Mako to stop them from crashing into the ground, her hand reaching into his chest that very moment and stealing his heart.

All from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, the end. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> I have plans for a sequel, just give me a few days to get that set up.


End file.
